NealJohnstone
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Ring Toss - Chapter 6
🕑 Added 2020-10-29 03:01:39 +0000 UTCHi, if you are not up to date on Ring Toss, read the previous chapters here:
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1jaJyxh99feCWYyY77VtKuhsLtxzeMWLq?usp=sharing
Sorry about the delays, I should have the next episode of Hot Tub Love Machine out before the month ends as well.
Thank you all for the support!
Comments
Neal Johnstone
Glad you liked it, but I do like the manic pace as well.
Neal Johnstone
Always appreciate these little corrections. 1 Wrong There, corrected. 2 You got the gist of sentence 2 but seeing it isolated from the rest of the text, I can see how stilted it is. I'll pick at that whole paragraph and make it better. Thank you!
HardhatDoozer
Deanne is the calming influence. Master of housework, keep the flow. That’s her. A nice break after last chapters manic pace.
"They’re tastes bent to reality, magnified drama of terrible people." Seems to be either the wrong their or a word missing. "My friends had hot wives, that didn’t bother me, that walk through my head." This is basically a more stylized way of saying 'My friends had hot wives, that walk through my head didn't bother me,' right? I'm still getting used to your flow so it tripped me up a bit and I figured I might as well ask. Like how natural the chemistry is so far. Keep up the good work!
