NealJohnstone
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Hot Tub Slave Machine - Next Potential Story
🕑 Added 2020-07-07 03:05:53 +0000 UTCHi, first a note on Every Woman Has a Price. Price has 4 to 6 chapters left to write and I don't want to have as hard of a plot acceleration that Dick Picture Perfect had in its final chapters. I'm going to take July to write the story end and post it as high of quality as a first draft as I can. I will start posting the chapters on Mondays when finished. In addition to the votes if I'm able.
Now, for the Mondays of July I'm going to post 4 first chapters and hold a poll over then end of July and beginning of August for the next stories I pick up.
Over the last year, finishing Blizzard and writing Space Nut, Funhouse Mirrors 1 and 2, and Shelter in Place on Haunted Hill (due out this month), I've learned the sense of running a much smaller cast than Every Woman Has a Price, Blue Ribbon, and Dick Picture Perfect demanded. The four stories over July will fit this mold. One guy and 2 to 5 girls.
Hot Tub Slave Machine - I'm not married to that title - Thanks to a strange birthday gift from his, apparently, half-beautician/half-alchemist mother, every girl Lucas invites into his hot tub grows more and more affectionate.
The story takes place over 5 days where Lucas keeps bringing the girls back and pushing the boundaries more and more.
I'll see you all next Monday!
Comments
Neal Johnstone
This is I like, thanks!
In terms of feedback on the title, have you considered a simple change to "Hot Tub Love Machine?" Since you seem to be going the route where these characters have genuine attraction to each other prior to the mind control aspects, it could use a title leaning more towards sappy than sexy. There's a few other reasons I'm partial to it (the gimmick is not only a love potion, the instructions for said potion refers to love slaves rather than just slaves), but mostly I like that it is a better riff on Hot Tub Time Machine since Slave seems more forced into the title than it seems to belong there.
Neal Johnstone
Interesting... I was trying to depict Iggy's "No" as a "No, not that way. Come this way. Please." over a "No, definitely no." Conflicts? A bunch of internal ones for Lucas (he does say he's going to think clearly with his pipes cleaned) and the girls have their own conflicts as well. Plus with Iggy as the limiting reagent, the other girls pushing and pulling her as well. I'm not intending it to be a one dip instant slave story. Eroding a bit of her limits here, another hangup there, and continuing on the sexual pursuit.
Damn, i must admit i kinda despise the protagonist. How should i sympathize with an asshat, who does not understand a No? But mayhaps that issue is a bit amplified with me not really getting warm with the story. Iam missing an obstacle here, dramaturgically speaking. What challenge will present itself to the hero, besides fucking his slaves? The girls are already flinging themselves onto him. Hm, not trying to be harsh here, but currently thats not really my thing.
Neal Johnstone
Especially if I keep the stories to 30 to 60K words or so. (about a third to a half as long as Blizzard). I want stories about beautiful women not nametags on mannequins.
Neal Johnstone
Yeah, I hope so too. But I also hope that all of the stories are somebody's kind of fun.
HardhatDoozer
Looks like fun. My kind of story. Hope to see more of this one.
HardhatDoozer
I’ve always said that the optimal active harem size is 2 to 5 women. It allows you to get to know them instead of reducing them to just a stock version of themselves. An extreme example is Death March where the MC has 100 brides and he tends to group them in 2 to 5s during missions by personality type or other things. It really waters it down.
