Marrion
patreon
Eclipse
🕑 Added 2024-04-29 13:06:02 +0000 UTCIt happened, I burned out.
It's okay, I'm alive :)
For several weeks, when I sat down to work, I felt an unpleasant storm of emotions: despair, unwillingness to do anything, apathy, fear, sadness, and it was difficult to persuade myself to spend a couple of hours at work. I took too long breaks from work during the day and it got to the point where the last straw was that I stretched out 2.5 hours of work that started in the morning until late in the evening.
As soon as I realized that I had crossed the burnout line, I decided to do something about it because I really like my job and I understand that all the negativity is just temporary and from fatigue.
I realized that I needed to rest somehow. Before coming to this decision, I was very worried and thought that no, now I can’t rest, I need to do everything: this and this and then this at the same time as this... In the end, we discussed this with my partner and it was he who offered me the option of rest, where I would do a little work in the morning and rest the rest of the day and do this during the week. Based on the results of this easy week, I am writing this post :)
I feel a little better, I can’t say I experienced catharsis, but I’m not as emotionally sick at the thought of sitting down and working.
There are several reasons for this:
1. I worry a lot about the fact that I need to earn a living, since at the moment my financial well-being depends only on me
2. I take on too much work, which reinforces point 1 xD
A significant contributor to my burnout was my unwise approach to Patreon rewards. The set with three Narsil swords, which I published recently, turned out to be not as simple as at first glance. Imagining future work on the project, I thought that nothing would be difficult, since all 3 swords are very similar and differ only in small details. But in reality it turned out that these were 3 independent files and each one needed to be allocated a certain amount of care and time, and given my perfectionistic approach, I invested many times more of my resources into this project than before, and in the end it felt like I had done the work for Patreon for 3 months instead of one. And now I'm making Barrow Blades, where there are 4 swords in the set xD
I intend to make them on time, but in the future I propose to break into parts such projects that involve more than one model in the set.
Very often it happened that during non-working hours I thought about work and was very worried that I would not be able to submit orders on time and do work for Patreon. Over the past month, in addition to working for Patreon, I have been working on 1-3 orders at the same time, because I really need money and want to earn as much as possible in order to reach the level of comfort in life that I want. I also want to be able to pay for visits to doctors, which I introduced into my life relatively recently (nothing threatening my life is happening, I just started monitoring my health after many years of my neglectful attitude towards it).
Today I have come to the point that I gave myself two days off a week instead of one and during the week I worked 2.5 hours a day and feel a little better :)
Starting from the new week, I plan to increase my work time by 2-2.5 times, as I want to publish Barrow Blades for you on time and complete the current commissions. Because in the future I have plans to do marketing for my work so that the need to take commissions becomes less influential on my life.
Comments
Marrion 3d
I agree with you, you say reasonable things and I will listen to your words. Thank you for being here with me, it helps me a lot ^_^
Ryan
Barrow Blades is/are a very ambitious undertaking, I really believe all 4 at once is an unrealistic expectation on anyone’s part. I think you should let the work come at a healthy pace.
Marrion 3d
Matias, I really appreciate your comment, thank you for your support :) I am very glad that you call me an amazing artist, because I tried very hard to become one. English is also not my native language, so I understand you, but Google Translator performs its functions well and allows us to communicate, and that’s great ^_^
Marrion 3d
Ryan, you are wise in your words, thank you for worrying about me, it gives me strength :) I am very glad that you are here and tell me these words that are pleasant to my soul ❤
Marrion 3d
Wim D. I love your insightful and inspiring comments, you support me very much, as do my other Patrons, thank you, I really appreciate it ^_^ For some time I didn’t want to admit to myself that I was rapidly heading towards burnout. Now the situation is really improving, please don’t worry :) Today I was able to work, albeit not for as long as I had planned, but the process was more comfortable than a week ago and I did not try to do anything through effort. And yes, I still intend to try to get Barrow Blades to the line, but I will not destroy myself for the sake of it, since I understand that by doing so I will make the situation worse, as you rightly say. I try very hard to comply with agreements and deadlines and feel extremely uncomfortable when I don’t have time to complete something on time, so if I realize that I don’t have time to complete all 4 swords, then I will publish at least part of them on the agreed date.
Matias Ezequiel Paulo
I dont Speak english very well (im from Argentina) but Ryan and Wim are right. First is your personal health and then the other things. You are an amazing artist!
Ryan
Once again, i would like to echo what Wim has said. I personally am supporting the artist, not preordering files. Please prioritize your health and wellbeing!
Wim D.
I'm very sorry to hear this has happened to you, even though it is not completely unexpected given what you have shared with us before. Evidently everyone needs to decide what works best for them and how much time they want/need to recover. It's encouraging to see that your partner is supporting you and that you've consciously focused on your own health for a while. From personal experience I just want to add: please take all the time you need, allow yourself to accept what your body/mind are telling you in that regard. Don't try to 'reason' yourself into working more/quicker. Otherwise you risk dragging things out, potentially making it even worse. A clear example/concern for me is hearing you say that you're still planning to deliver all 4(!) swords that you had promised this month. Of course I cannot speak for other Patrons, but I'd much prefer to receive 0 swords this month, knowing you're taking the necessary time to focus on your overall health. We've definitely been spoiled last month with multiple versions of a prop. But getting so much work done in a short time might not be sustainable (is not sustainable I should say). Of course people, in general, will want as much bang for their buck as possible. But following only that logic will lead to a race to the bottom. As an artist, it should be you only who determines what output you can and want to deliver. People can accept and pay for that, or decide it's not enough and not support you. Again, I cannot speak for your other Patrons, but from what I have seen/read in all comments in the past, I don't think anyone here will insist on having so many props per month, nor will they demand you deliver the 4 swords this month as planned. I doubt you'll lose any support over it. On a personal note I would even add that I don't mind receiving nothing, even if I've paid this month. Some creators pause payment when they need a break, and for larger/more established brands I find that a fair approach. In your case I would be fine having financially supported you, for a few months even, without receiving any output. I've always looked at my contribution as a Patron to you to be one in the 'old' sense of the word, a patron of the arts. It's the only monthly Patreon I approach in this way (don't have the funds to support a multitude of artists 'no strings attached'). But it's a very conscious choice. So please, take the time to recover, to rest and to make meaningful changes to protect yourself in the future.
