writingwillona
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Early Access: CONviction Part 2
🕑 Added 2023-12-11 05:17:16 +0000 UTCHey everyone! My story inspired by first attendance to MFF has the next iteration. We're nearing 3500 words and mostly still buildup. I'm going a bit experimental on this and I hope that all the buildup brings a great bang at the end! Our little straight protagonist is finding it hard, or rather, himself hard upon looking at a guy that's pretty much enraptured him from sheer looks.
Comments
Emmet
I'd only suggest a few minor proofreading changes. It's a very nice and focused opening! I would have suggested changing at least one of the character's names until I found a code for keeping them straight. R-US-sel = "us", Randall = "and all" -- the other. And Vernon, bringing to mind the wild, the space beyond that has come into this world of metal and glass, where human and animal spirits are pressed together. Trepidation versus desire, and their perilous intersection. Vernon's *presence* is reality-bending, in more ways than just inflicting raw desire. Russel can sense it, contemplate it, but not (yet) be conscious of it, as the moment he passes out of view the dissonance between "old" and "new" norms (itself a form of norm) reasserts itself. And yet the Bear has left his mark. The mind's innermost eye cannot look away... Wait a minute. YEAR 2??
Emmet
Well, let me just give it a little look-see...
