Mizar Caph
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Changes to Chapter 46
🕑 Added 2025-09-08 23:14:15 +0000 UTCHi! Some of you may have already read chapter 46, and a few readers have informed me that the fight against Ynett ended in an underwhelming way. And as I re-read chapter 46 as well as a chapter 45, I had to agree.
Ynett was in control of the fight most of the time, so to have her just lose to Chloe all of a sudden did feel forced. That being said, the challenge for me was figuring out a way for Chloe to beat an enemy as powerful as Ynett in the first place.
To be blunt, Chloe as she is now, isn't too experienced with fighting yet. And to be fair, she isn't really experienced in general.
So, despite Chloe's many skills, I couldn't imagine a scenario where she could defeat Ynett on her own the way she is now. Which is why I decided on a different solution.
I re-wrote the entire first half of Chapter 46, to expand the fight more and hopefully give a more satisfactory conclusion to the fight. I know even this reworked version has its flaws, but I think it does what it needs to do, and sets up a few things for the future quite nicely.
Also, I bumped up the levels Chloe gained from defeating Ynett and eating her brain. Just to make defeating Ynett feel more rewarding.
That being said, please let me know what you think about Chapter 46 now in the comments. I really do appreciate any and all feedback that can help me create a better story.
TL:DR: A good chunk of Chapter 46 has been re-written, go check it out if you haven't!
Comments
Mizar Caph
Thank you for the feedback. Ynett's fight coming out the way it did, was more due to a lack of experience on my part. I write as I go, which means while I have a general idea of where I want to the story to be. I don't have a 100% detailed plan of how to get there. This is something I hope to improve on in the future as I get more familiar with my own story. As for Chloe's build identity, I agree that this is also something that I need to focus on more. The next evolution she gets should hopefully address this issue though. I think a big challenge with her identity, is the fact that she can just assimilate skills from most enemies she beats. Which is really fun, but doesn't always guide her to a set path.
Nagido
Haven't read the rewritten version yet, but writing fights against very strong opponents isn't exactly easy. Not sure why you had Chloe face against Ynett already, though. You could have waited a bit. There are two particular pieces of advice I’d like to give: 1. Fights can be mini-campaigns with multiple smaller encounters, each with their own small tactical victories or defeats. You kind of already did that, but for some reason did not follow through. For instance, Ynett could have been injured during her first encounter with Chloe, forcing her to nurse her wounds while Chloe kills the lizard and rampages through the mindbroken villagers. This would then lead to the next encounter, etc. 2. Chloe has a weak build identity (in the video game sense). If you look at other Monster Girl Evolution stories on RoyalRoad, the fox is a trickster, the cat is glutton, the magpie is a thief (kind of), the fish likes bubbles, etc. They all have more or less well developed core concepts and their abilities typically reinforce this core identity. Chloe meanwhile is a bit of everything and a bit of nothing. Maybe that’s intentional, but right now, she is more defined but her regular loss of limbs than by anything else. And, well, that’s just a gimmick. You do have the Queen angle, tough. Just my 2 cents.
Mizar Caph
Darn, I knew writing early in the morning meant something was going to go wrong somewhere lmao. Thanks for pointing these mistakes out, I've edited chapter 46 again to resolve these issues.
Fewwifranco
Two issues with the edits. 1. You have Chloe grab Ynett's ice sword before she dies, but she doesn't have arms. 2. Chloe goes up 6 levels from eating Ynett's brain. But afterwards she says she only went up 3.
