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Friends-Only Post No. 17: Levels to This Shit
🕑 Added 2016-09-20 06:43:05 +0000 UTC HIT IT FAST LEAVE NO TRACE NO REGRETS
Last episode, we dove deep -- so deep, put a butt to sleep -- into LEVEL 26, but it has to be said that the crowd cried out for more, more, more. So here is the additional demanded of us by your plentiful cries.
First, not all accepted our rough account of the origin of the name "Sqweegel". More's the pity (and marzipan is shitty). Here is what we know:
"No," Riggins said. "The name came from one of his earliest murders -- back around 1990, when he was still experimenting. There's nothing he loves more than an unconventional murder scene. Striking where you least expect it. Say, at a busy suburban car wash on a bright summer day."
"Mom pulls in," Riggins continued, "kid, about four years old, sitting in the front seat. He loves the car wars and wants to watch the wipers and the big floppy brushes and all of that. Well, about halfway through, the crew hears screaming. Horrible, anguished screams -- and you could hear it over the noise of the machines. Nobody can tell where the hell it's coming from. They stop other cars from going in; they turn everything off. But by this time, the mom and her kid are almost out of the car wash, the driver's door is ajar, and there's soap and blood running down the driver's side door."
"The mother is just GONE. Sliced up so thoroughly, we were still finding pieces of her in the car weeks later."
"The kid was untouched. He sat in the front seat and watched the whole thing."
"By this point, he was the only human being who'd ever seen Sqweegel and lived. So we questioned him. Asked him to describe the man in the car wash."
"All he would say was sqweegel. Sqweeeeeegel. Imitating the sounds he heard while he watched his mother die."
Second, here are some images, excised precisionly from that book. CONFIDENTIAL TO WHOEVER DREW THESE: we think you did a really good job and would like to talk to you about a back patch for the show after you've taken your SATs and you're not grounded anymore.
CONFIDENTIAL TO WHOEVER TOOK THOSE PICTURES: it is incredibly likely that you are a creep.
COME, ENJOY OUR FLESH
We have many a live appearance surging forth from the froth of the future into the jetsam of the brute now.
1. J. will be at the Los Angeles Podcast Festival 2016!
If you see him, say hi! He may have Special Prizes for you! He will assuredly have A Happy Smile to see you -- and also you should probably Buy him An Beer.
2. We will be at Litquake!
On Saturday, October 8, 2016, 7:30 p.m. to 9:30 p.m., we will be taking part in "I thought it sucked", reading bad reviews of good books to much acclaim and significant merriment. It's gonna be rad as hell, and is no longer at the Make-Out Room but in fact is now at the Elbo Room, but there is still a much greater chance of making out than of getting borked with any elbows. So come on out!
AH, FUTURITY
In a rare move, we've pre-announced the book we're doing next! In honor of the World Cup of Hockey (not really), we're preparing to enjoy a fiery indulgence from a microgenre that was recently slid under our doors (really): hockey romance (really). The particular volume YOU SELECTED is FOREVER PUCKED, and we have a very special guest lined up to come help us comprehend -- and, perhaps, reprehend -- this volume. If you'd like to play along, please do so! Remember: if you ever want to leave us a voicemail, you can do so turbo-easy at 614.9.IDEOTV. (Try to keep it under 2 minutes or you'll get cut off, and don't forget to tell us what you go by, caller Fakelastname!)
HOW MAY ONE WIN
Last contest: FRIENDS! YOUR MERCH IS HERE! I (Clsn) must needs finish one errand and then will your well-earnéd gifts be dispatched. I do apologize for the wait.
Current contest! FRIENDS! ARE YOU WRITING BAD PARAGRAPHS FOR US!? For truly this is our ask. In honor of NAtional NOvel WRiting MOnth (NANOWRIMO) we should very much enjoy it if you -- yes, YOU -- would go ahead and craft your best bad paragraph of text and convey it to us by means of electronic mail (at idontevenownatelevision@gmail.com, natch) prior to the first day of November, 2016. Yes.
UNTIL NEXT TIME
Dang, we got kind of a lot going on right now! No wonder everybody calls us The Only Podcast That Cares! Anyway, we're having a hell of a lot of fun and we couldn't be happier that you're here with us -- there's plenty room on this mottled carapace as we all
-- ride the crab
--Collision for IDEOTVPOD
P.S.
Recently I have enjoyed Mike Watt and Black Sabbath live, the two being responsible for roughly 82% of my musical taste and 68% of my ethics. This has nothing to do with the podcast, really, but both shows were amazing and I feel that both of them made me a better, happier person, and I definitely urge everybody to make sure to see and enjoy the things that are important to you, because there's no guarantee that the chance to do so is coming around again any time soon. Feed your soul while you can -- pretty soon, people will probably be needing you to feed theirs.
Comments
Michelle
I'm sorry, but "squweegel" isn't hardcore. This made me laugh. I'm a demented and broken person, but that just tipped it into black comedy territory.
BTW, the little tiny drawing of the cartoon person with a chainsaw is just a straight-up Threadless design they ganked for that collage.
