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The Big Oof! Volume 1 Chapter 31: Boiling Water
🕑 Added 2023-03-09 08:27:11 +0000 UTC"You never cease to amaze me." Bennett said abruptly as the entire crew watched an army of Knights turn the Temple inside out.
Knowing that his engineer’s comment was directed at him, Elijah chose to simply gaze exhaustedly at Salvanius as the Demigod angrily picked up the podium and shattered it on the ground. “ACCURSED DECEIVERS!” He bellowed, sifting through the wreckage in search of anything to further incriminate the late Oracle.
As the man started rummaging through the splintered pieces, his large hands suddenly grazed a small leather bag hidden beneath a loose plank. Salvinus' eyes went wide for a moment before fury took him once more when he pulled out the thing and untied the drawstring.
"DAMN THEM!" Salvanius roared as a shower of glittering coins spilled out, the gold and silver surfaces reflecting in the sunlight that streamed through the stained glass. "I'm certain the acolytes were also involved in this wicked scheme!" He clenched his fists and turned to Rhea. "Names! I want all of their names! They must be brought to justice!"
Bennett and Elijah had been watching Salvanius when they suddenly experienced a violent case of mental whiplash. It had seemed the Oracle had been hoarding gold and it caused the Demigod to immediately jump to the conclusions. It appeared that Salvanius had decided that the Oracle and his acolytes had been bribed with gold to poison the pool, despite the Oracle's appearance of being a devoted servant of the Tylas.
“Real life is truly stranger than one's own imagination...” Azeline said with a shell shocked look on her face.
Having heard the woman, Salvanius spun his head towards her and scowled before nodding slowly in agreement. “Indeed… how an Oracle could fall so low…” The Demigod trailed off before becoming silent as he turned his head back to the coin on the ground. “We must re-evaluate our search parameters now that we know we have been infiltrated.” He said solemnly.
Rhea furrowed her brow and lowered her head. “Who could have guessed that even our most devoted men and women could succumb to the wicked taint of the traitors…”
Wisely choosing not to correct the two on what she found ridiculous, Azeline instead let out a deep sigh and buried her head in her hands. She couldn't believe it. They had successfully redirected Salvanius and Rhea's anger towards the Oracle, and through sheer coincidence the Inquisitors had randomly found a bag of gold that was misunderstood as bribe money. The fact that they had just inadvertently framed the Oracle was all too much to take in.
However, her musing came to a sudden end when she heard the Deacon voice call out, “Ah… Master Eli-jah!” Theodius' scurried over to where they were sitting. All 3 members of the crew slowly turned their heads towards the man at the same time and felt uneasy when they saw the excited look on his face as he fidgeted nervously.
"M-my brother and I were discussing earlier, and we came to the conclusion that the Oracle must have used a powerful mind spell on himself to commit suicide when you outed him as a traitor!" he stammered. "B-But..."excited look on his face.
Elijah furrowed his brow in confusion as he noticed the Deacon's face turning beet red and his eyes darting all over the place. "B-But! But we'd like to know your opinion on the matter!" the Deacon blurted out, causing a great deal of discomfort to start swelling in the pits of Elijah's stomach. He realized that he had truly made a mistake when he shared any type of knowledge with this man and couldn’t help but recoil and his upper lip slightly raised in an expression of uneasy disgust.
"T-Tell me! HOW DID HE DIE!?" The Holyman suddenly slammed his hand down on a wooden divider, causing all three of them to jump in surprise. "YOU MUST SHARE EVERY DETAIL WITH ME!"
The Temple fell silent as every eye turned to the loud man and found him breathing heavily while staring intently at Elijah. The awkwardness in the room was palpable as Theodius waited in anticipation for his vaunted guest’s to depart knowledge on to him.
For the first time, Elijah's mind went blank as he stared at Salvanius, completely speechless. He then began to slowly scoot away in order to put some distance between himself and the near salivating man.
"I, uh..." Elijah stammered, his voice trailing off as he struggled to find the right words. "The, uh, patient suffered from an epileptic episode followed closely by brain death," he finally managed to say. "And I have concluded that the episode was caused by a powerful mind spell that I could not identify." Elijah finished, glancing nervously at Salvanius. He could feel the Demigod's gaze boring into him with interest which made the Human feel even more awkward.
Noticing his younger brother's mannerisms were making Elijah uncomfortable, Salvanius placed his hand on Theodius' shoulder before he could respond and turned his attention to the healer. "Hmmm... Fascinating," Salvanius murmured, placing his other hand on his smooth chin. "In all my years, I have never heard anyone, be it a healer or any other learned man, use the terms 'epileptic episode' nor 'brain death' before," he said in a deep contemplation.
Elijah shifted in his seat as he cleared his throat, trying to dispel the unsettled feeling that Theodius’ reaction gave him.
"Well, brain death is a term used to describe the irreversible halt of all brain activity," Elijah explained as he gave Theodius a strange look. The man’s eyes were nearly bugling out of his eyes and his fingers were starting to dig into the wooden divider. "It's a state of total and permanent unconsciousness, where there's no hope of recovery." "And an epileptic episode is a seizure that's caused by abnormal electrical activity in the brain," Elijah continued, feeling more at ease When Rhea also placed a hand on the Deacon’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. "It can be caused by a number of factors, including head injuries, brain tumors, and certain… inherited conditions… or in this case, a powerful mind spell."
Salvanius listened intently to Elijah's explanation, nodding his head slowly as he processed the information. "I see," he said thoughtfully. "Thank you for enlightening us, Elijah. You are truly a learned man and I can see why my brother holds you in such high regard." He finished, giving Elijah a salute by snapping his heels together and pounding his hand over his heart.
Suddenly, the dozen or so knights in the temple stopped what they were doing and gave the same salute. Being the center of attention, Elijah felt himself break out in a sweat as he struggled to find the right words to say. Especially since the irony of being hailed as a hero dawned on him when he and his crew were the cause of this massive misunderstanding.
A misunderstanding he had absolutely no interest in correcting.
With a strained smile, Elijah graciously accepted the salute with a blow, unable to believe how they'd managed to blindly stumble into this messy success. All it took was a bit of clever bullshit and a little dash of unbelievable luck, and they’d managed to gain a rather powerful contact and possible ally. But it seemed the same irony wasn’t lost on Azeline as the woman couldn't help but let out a snicker at the absurdity of it all.
Soon the snickering turned to laughter as Salvanius and Rhea tilted their heads in confusion. “My lady?” Salvanius asked, looking around him. “What is it that you find so humorous?”
Elijah felt his heart nearly burst in panic as he shot her an aggressive look while still trying to maintain his smile. “Oh don’t mind her, she’s just… overwhelmed by being saluted by someone as magnificent as you.” The bullshit flew out of the human’s mouth."It's been her lifelong dream to be respected by an order as vaunted as yours, my lord." He said, wrapping his arm around Azeline's head in a seemingly playful manner and squeezed in an effort to stifle her laughter.
Salvanius seemed to buy it as the man flashed a bright smile across the Demigod's face. “It would be an honor to fulfill the dreams of heroes such as yourselves!” he said enthusiastically, giving them another salute and causing the other knights to follow suit.
This however, caused Azeline’s fading snickering to explode into another round of rapturous laughter even though she felt the grip around her neck tighten. Elijah shot her a look of pure desperation, silently begging her to keep it together knowing any more attention could have their deception unraveled at any time.
Noticing Elijah's discomfort, Rhea cleared her throat. "My lord, forgive me for my interruption, but should we ask for Master Eli-jahs input on how best to deal with the tainted Temple?," she said with a slight nod towards the human.
Salvanius turned his attention away from Elijah and his group and nodded in agreement. "Yes, you’re absolutely right. We should see if the good healer has any other astute methods in dealing with the Miasma, other than putting all of the inhabitants to the sword and torching the entire area," he said, turning his head back towards Elijah with a curious look.
Releasing his grip on Azeline’s head and allowing her the snicker in the background, Elijah took a deep breath, grateful for the change of subject. However, at the same time, he couldn't help but furrow his brow at the mention of the usual method of dealing with outbreaks like this.
Seeing this side of town was still intact, Elijah looked Salvanius in the eyes and started to speak, “What was it that made you change tactics in dealing with this town?” The question seemed to catch Salvanius off guard as his expression turned difficult. “If I were to be honest, it was because I was indulging my brother.” He admitted.
“Indeed, I believed I could further my rese- I mean, save the people of this town with a few experimental methods.” Theodius interjected, rubbing his hands together. “Methods that you have proven to be ineffective with your keen insights, but the bounty we have harvested was more than I could have dreamed of!”
Nodding in agreement for completely different reasons, Salvanius turned his gaze back to Elijah to question him further. “Without your help, we would not have found the corrupt within these hallowed halls. Now tell me your opinion on how best to deal with it?”
Elijah brought his hand to his mouth in deep contemplation. If he was a superstitious man, he would have assumed this was something along the lines of fate or the machinations of a higher power. What were the chances that he would pop into this world, let alone stumble into this town while a Spanish Inquisition equivalent order decides to spare an entire town from a gruesome fate on the whims of some ‘Demigod’s’ brother.
Reality was truly stranger than fiction.
"Well, we’ve already identified the source of the contamination - the pool of water over there," Elijah pointed to the contaminated pool. "While boiling the water is the most effective method, it's not really feasible in this situation. But, the next best thing we could do would be to drain it completely and then cordone off the temple," he explained.
Salvanius raised an eyebrow in surprise. "That's it? No fancy elixirs or magical incantations? Just boil the water?" he asked skeptically.
"Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best," Elijah shrugged. "But I'm not sure how you plan on boiling-" Elijah was interrupted by the sound of Salvanius unsheathing his sword and marching towards the pool of water.
Elijah looked at Salvanius in confusion. "... What is he doing?" he asked in bewilderment, looking towards Rhea.
The woman didn’t say a word and crossed her arms as she watched Salvanius stab his sword into the water. And just as the two humans were going to comment on how ridiculous it was to stab water, they suddenly noticed a small amount of steam start to rise from the surface.
"Of course!" Bennett yelled, throwing his hands into the air. "Of course he could BOIL water with his fucking sword! Why couldn’t he!?" The engineer continued, but no one seemed to notice the strange outburst and kept their attention on their respective tasks.
Running his hand through his shaggy hair, Bennett couldn’t help but feel the last bit of hope that logic and reason existed in this world, fade away. It was time to accept that the rules of physics and thermodynamics no longer applied to this twisted joke of a universe and he was going to have to start from scratch. However, as the man calmed down, the frustration gradually gave way to curiosity as the steam started to rise in intensity.
Closing his eyes for a brief second, Bennett toggled his ocular implants to a setting that allowed him to see the ‘radiation’ that the inhabitants of this world were using. And when he opened his eyes, he was greeted with a nearly blinding light that was gushing from Salvanius body into the weird rapidly pulsating runes running down his sword and into the pool.
Bennett was struck with a sense of wonder as he observed the mysterious energy gradually spread to every nook and cranny of the pool, causing the water to heat up. The way the radiation, or mana, could flow and be transformed into heat energy had truly captivated him. It stirred a sense of curiosity that he hadn't felt since childhood, when he first watched documentaries about human starships braving the unknowns of unexplored space. It was a humble reminder of just how little he truly understood about this world and its inhabitants, despite his knowledge of advanced technology.
Feeling a thirst that no drink could quench, Bennett smacked his tongue and murmured, “It’s inefficient…”
Noticing to her right just said something, Azeline looked over at him with a tilted head. “Excuse me?” She asked while her long ears bounced.
Bringing his hand to his shaggy head once more, Bennett launched into a detailed explanation of his thought process. "Well, I assumed his sword is acting like some kind of converter for whatever energy or magic you all use. Energy generally takes many forms, but in this case, he’s pumping an absurd amount into his sword and is using it as if it was a makeshift metal coil and converting the weird fairy energy into heat energy."
He paused for a moment to see the pool start to rapidly boil before continuing. “However, due to the spillage of energy that's pouring out of not only his hand, the glowing scraggly shit on his sword, I can tell he's brute forcing it. At first, I thought it was just random, but now I think there’s a method to the madness. It looks very much like a rudimentary programming language, with different parts firing off in a pattern. I can only assume that it goes in this order: Absorb, Convert, Expel."
Azeline sat there with a confused look on her face, wondering why Bennett had suddenly decided to go off on a weird tangent. But Bennett continued after leaning back and rubbing his chin in contemplation. "It's like a set of instructions for that weird fairy shit to follow, converting the raw energy into heat through a series of symbols that act like a programming language… And at the end it's just one jank ass compiler.”
Finally, he took a moment to look at Azeline and realized she was staring at him as if he was growing a third arm out of his head. “What are you even saying to me????” She asked incredulously. “There’s noises and words coming out of your mouth, but none of it even comes close to making sense.”
Closing his eyes and leaning back against the bench, Bennett sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. He finally realized who he was talking to and remembered that Azeline probably had no concept of what he was talking about.
“Nothing, don’t worry about it…” He said dispassionately while turning his attention back to Salvanius.
Bennett narrowed his eyes, studying how the energy flowed out of the Demigod and interacted with the blade in his hand. It was truly fascinating to him, and he couldn't help but wonder what kind of possibilities this ‘magic’ held and what he could make.
Glancing back at his hand, Bennett noticed that it, along with the rest of his body, was brimming with the very same mysterious 'mana.' Looking over at Salvanius’ sword, he couldn't help but wonder if the reason he couldn't manipulate it was because he lacked the proper tools. This thought was reinforced as the engineer remembered how he would lock himself in his room and start flexing his muscles or flailing his arms, attempting to elicit any kind of response from the mana. It seemed that despite his efforts, every attempt was met with inert failure.
However… whenever he TOUCHED something, there was always a slight response. The energy would flow like a gentle breeze towards whatever he was touching as if it was trying to connect to it.
“Should this be sufficient?” Salvanius said loudly, pulling his sword out of the water and catching everyone’s attention.
With a steady hand, Elijah positioned the scanner above the water with a steady hand and waited patiently for it to finish its analysis. After a few moments, the device beeped, displaying a detailed snapshot of the micro-ecology of the pool, revealing that not only the contaminants responsible for the outbreak, but every other microorganisms had become lifeless.
"Yep, that just about did it." Elijah said confidently with his still eyes fixed on the readout. “Should be safe to drink now.”
Furrowing his brow, Salvanius looked over at the holy pool and back at the still kneeling foreigner healer. “You’re sure?” He asked, clearly skeptical of the man’s claim.
Elijah looked up and pointed the screen of his device at the demigod. "See these little things with the hooks on the end and the red light around them?" he said, pointing at the highlighted and unmoving pathogen. "That's what's been making everyone sick, and as you can see, they're all dead."
Salvanius squinted his eyes at the screen, not understanding what he was looking at. “What manner of sorcery is this?” He asked in bewilderment. “Is this the magical tool you’ve used to identify miasma?” He asked with interest written all over his face. “How do we know it's truly safe?”
“Well, the only way to know for sure is to drink it and see if anyone else gets sick.” Elijah shrugged.
Elijah observed as the man brought his gauntleted hand to his chin, surveying the room to consider his next course of action. However, Elijah couldn’t help but release a weary sigh. Although it was completely reasonable for a society that was dreadfully low on the technological scale to be skeptical of his claims, he wished for things to hurry along. He still had to deal with those thugs and get business rolling business with the spines he extracted from the badger-like shadow bear.
“Look, I’ll just drink it-” He said, but was cut off by a clank of metal resounding just behind him.
Spinning his head around, Elijah saw a younger looking woman that looked like a mirror image of the Knight Captain but with shorter hair, saluting Salvanius. “Your Magnificence! I’d like to volunteer to test Master Eli-jah’s theories and drink from the pool myself!” She shouted out.
