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The Big Oof! Volume 1 Chapter 29: Learning A New Word
🕑 Added 2023-02-23 08:06:52 +0000 UTC“How the fuck is there NO contamination in any of these fucking wells!?” Elijah angrily shouted.
Bennett and Azeline exchanged concerned glances as they watched Elijah throw the bucket back into the well in frustration. It had already been a few hours they had been working on trying any source of the contamination, But despite their efforts, they couldn’t find a damn thing. It was as if the contamination was non-existent or invisible to their methods.
“Maybe it’s not in the water,” Bennett suggested. “Maybe it’s in the air, or something we’re not considering…”
“No, it has to be the water!” Elijah retorted angrily. “If it was airborne, everyone on both sides of town would be spraying shit everywhere if that was the case!.” The medic pinched the bridge of his nose trying to think. “We’re missing something… There has to be another water source the public frequents SOMEWHERE!”
Azeline stepped forward, her face etched with concern. “We’ve checked each well multiple times already… maybe it's time to consider that’s not what the problem is.”
“No!” Elijah snapped at her. “ There has to be something we’re missing!”
The man furrowed his brow as he tried to think of any other location the town's residents might go to for water. He ruled out specific houses and shops, as it didn't make sense considering the scale of infected individuals. For a moment, he considered bathhouses, but Azeline had mentioned that bathing was not a daily or even weekly habit for the people in this land, so he dismissed that idea.
Crawling out of the collar of the man's soft shell jacket was a grumpy looking mythical creature with a snarl on her face.
"Why are you yelling!?" Yana grumbled as she rubbed her eyes. "You ask me to go nap and let you take care of these stupid mortals, but how am I supposed to nap with you yelling like an idiot!?" The tiny woman complained and flew up to Elijah’s face.
Realizing the woman still had her wind like hair fluttering about, Elijah flinched away and squinted his eyes.
“Yo, yo, yo chill!” He said, leaning as far back as he could in order to put some distance between them.
But Yana was having none of it, she kept as close to Elijah’s face as she could without touching him. All the while her hair zapped and crackled with little bolts of electricity.
“Ahhh, right.” Bennett sighed “I forgot the little fuckin’ gremlin existed…” He muttered under his breath.
However, it seemed he wasn’t quiet enough seeing as Yana had quickly fluttered into his face as well with a furious look.
“What did you say!?” She roared.
ZAP
“AHH FUCK!” Bennett flinched away in pain.
“I don’t know what ‘fuck’ means, but I know its rude!!” Yana reprimanded the engineer. “If you keep being rude, I won't just shock you!” she said baring her teeth
Turning her attention back to Elijah, the little menace put her hands on her hips and floated back over to him.
“And you! You’ve all been saying that word all day and you STILL haven’t told me what it means!” She glared at him menacingly. “Explain it, NOW!”
Elijah's eyes shifted nervously for a way out of this mess and looked over at Azeline for any sign of help, but the woman wanted absolutely no part in this nonsense. Slinking away, Azeline started to make her way back to the well in order to put as much distance between herself and… whatever THIS was.
“Look, it's just a word people use, okay!?” Elijah said, putting up his arms.
"That's not an explanation!" Yana exclaimed, her voice rising with frustration. "What does it MEAN? Why is it so important that you all use it all the time? And why do you say it so much!?"
Seeing the tiny bolts of lightning dancing through the fairy's hair, Elijah decided it was probably in his best interest to just surrender and do what she wanted.
"Okay, okay! Just relax!" Elijah exclaimed, as Yana neared him. "Look, the word 'fuck' has a lot of meanings, but its most direct meaning refers to sexual intercourse. However, it is mostly used as an insult or a way to emphasize or exaggerate something in a sentence." He explained, trying to make it as clear as possible for her to understand. “If you’re mad at someone, just look at them and say ‘hey, fuck you!’ or if really like something, you can say ‘man that’s really fucking nice!’ or something along those lines!”
Bringing her little hand to her chin, Yana floated there contemplating on what Elijah just said while the energy in her hair started to die down.
“Hmm… is that so…?” She murmured, deep in thought. “So I can just say, fuck… fuck this or fuck that.” Yana continued with a face full of understanding. “Fuck, fucking fuck, fucking fucker, fuckity fuck fucks…"”
“Dear God…” Bennett narrowed his eyes, knowing they had just made a terrible mistake.
Elijah looked at Bennett with a mortified expression, “Y-yana, w-wait! Wait, you can use that word, but you should only use it OCCASIONALLY!” He tried to speak some sense into her, but it was too late, the little menace was already on a roll.
“Fucking hell, what the fuck, holy fuck, oh my fucking fuck!!” she exclaimed excitedly, not paying attention to the warning.
Azeline, who had been watching from a distance let out a derisive sigh as she leaned against the circular wall of the well. She thanked the heavens she had managed to make her escape from being a part of that shit show.
Gazing off into the distant horizon, Azeline's attention was drawn to a grand temple dedicated to Tylas with its imposing white marble dome rising above the town's skyline. The temple was adorned with a striking sculpture of a man with brilliant red eyes and golden hair, holding a majestic two-pronged trident. Right next to it were two spires with colossal statues of cat-like chimeras right on top. Azeline squinted her eyes as the two things seemed to blind her when the setting sun struck the gemstones in their eye sockets.
Wasteful… Azeline thought to herself, completing tuning out the idiocy playing out right next to her.
“Fuck her, fuck him, fuckee!” Yana kept testing out more variations of the word in the background.
Azeline sneered at the sight of the temple, its grandeur and opulence a stark contrast to the poverty and squalor that plagued these lands and the followers of Tylas were nothing but wasteful and selfish. They’d rather choose to spend what little wealth they had on frivolous displays of piety while their people suffered from disease and their fields wilted. The woman huffed in contempt as she thought of how their oracle most likely feasted on lavish meals and drew water from their own- ….
“Wait…” Azeline muttered before her eyes went wide as she came to a realization “Wait, they have their own wells!” she yelled, turning to the two men after realizing that the temples had their own source of water.
“FUCK YOU!” Yana shouted, pointing at her.
Elijah was already seated on the ground, cradling his head regretting every single decision that brought him to this point as he stared at the ground. For a moment the man considered just snatching the fairy out of the air and shoving her back into his pocket, but instead, he chose to wallow in self-pity and curse his luck. Elijah came to the realization that no matter what he did, nor no matter what he said, there was no putting this genie back into its bottle.
…
“You were saying?” Bennett turned to Azeline, deciding to let his captain deal with this problem.
Despite the commotion, Bennett was unfazed, his expression calm and stoic as he did his best ignoring the chaos behind him. Yana was just another absurdity he was going to have to get used to on this god forsaken planet.
Azeline, on the other hand, was not so lucky.
The poor woman had an incredulous look on her face as her gaze shifted between the engineer and the little menace in the background who was still yelling obscenities. “I-I said the temple has its own well!” Following suit, Azeline also decided it was best to ignore Vanir's antics and just roll with the punches. “That is the only water source on this side of town we haven’t checked!” She informed him while pointing at the dome of the temple
“Hmmmm… It would explain why the spread of the disease seemed so inconsistent…” Bennett rubbed the scraggly scruff on his face.
Bennett was deep in thought, analyzing the implications of Azeline's discovery as he turned his gaze towards where she was pointing. If the contamination did indeed originate from a place of worship, then it would explain why the infection didn’t rapidly spread to other areas. But he also couldn’t help but wonder how a place of worship could have been infected where the rest of the town seemed absolutely fine.
Well, he had to confirm if that place was infected first.
“Well, let's go check it out, shall we?” Bennett shrugged and started walking towards Elijah. “Hey, come on, Aze found us a lead!” The Engineer yelled.
Elijah begrudgingly stood up from the ground and released an exasperated sigh as he directed a frustrated look at Yana. Despite his annoyance with her mischievous behavior, he knew he had no one to blame but himself for the current string of swearing coming out of the tiny thing.
"What are you on about?" Elijah asked while Yana zipped around his head.
"I just remembered that temples often have their own water source," Azeline said with pride, standing with her hands on her hips. "We're going to check it out and see if that's what’s been getting everyone sick!"
But as soon as she said this, Azeline flinched as the Vanir suddenly appeared in front of her with a snarl on her face.
“Who cares what you fu-ACK!!” The mythical creature tried to get out her insult, but was cut off.
Elijah had snatched her out of the air and stuffed her into his pocket before she could finish whatever garbage was about to come out of her mouth.
“Enough, you!” He hissed, zipping up the pocket that held the struggling fairy. “You were saying?” Elijah asked as he slapped his pocket hard enough to make Azeline wince.
Azeline closed her eyes and shook her head trying to dispel the stupefaction that gripped her mind, “I said the temple over there should have a water source.” She reiterated while pointing at the marble dome looming over the wooden structures.
Having nearly an identical reaction as Bennett, Elijah mouthed a silent ‘oohhh’ and stroked his small, but growing beard.
“That makes a lot of sense, actually.” Elijah finally said with a sly grin. “Yes… Yes, that’s perfect…” The cunning smile grew large as he thought of all the possibilities.
This was the best case scenario. If he could prove that the Knights most holy place was the source of this blight, then he could use this to his advantage and get better terms for the ‘deal’ he was going to strike with them. With this, he would not only further ingratiate himself to a powerful man like the Deacon with knowledge unknown to this word, but he’d be able to win over that stubborn and officious Knight Captain.
More money, more favors and most importantly, more cover for the fact they offed a bunch of their people the night prior.
“Alright, Aze. Show us the way!” He gestured for her to take the lead, not bothering to hide the calculating look plastered all over his face.
Seeing Elijah’s plotting look as he greedily rubbed his hands together, Azeline couldn’t help but give him a repulsed look. She hadn’t known them long, but she already knew that her new companions were of very dubious morals and motivations.
“Alright, it shouldn’t be too far.” The woman simply shrugged and walked in the direction of the temple.
It’s not like she was in any position to judge seeing she was as equally dubious. And it seemed assholes attracted other assholes, but at least she got along with these assholes.
As Azeline started walking towards the temple, her mind started to be filled with a mix of emotion as they neared the grand and opulent building. If these men were right and they were not only able to find the source of the miasma, but were able to implement a way to stop it was mind boggling to her. Although the prospect of riches alone made her leg shake, it was the prospect of stepping along the annals of KNOWERS that truly tantalized her.
She quickened her pace as she shivered with glee, after thinking how she would no longer be referred to Azeline the Freelancer, but Azeline the Knower! A woman that demanded respect from not only the Lords and Ladies of the realms, but worthy to be waited on hand and foot!
“Ah, here we are!” Azeline shouted with outstretched arms the moment they approached the Temple of Tylas.
Elijah and Bennet stood in front of the massive building with awe and wonder as their gaze fixed on the intricately detailed entrance guarded by two massive Chimera statues carved from what looked like black marble. They were magnificent creatures, possessing the body of a large sphynx-like feline whose glossy body shimmered in the sunlight as Its paws were adorned with razor sharp metallic claws splattered in what looked like blood. But the most striking features were its spike-tipped tail and massive golden feathered hawk-like wings which were spread out as if it were about to take flight.
The two beings guarding the door were depicted as the perfect representation of strength, ferocity, and grace.
Both of the humans were speechless. They were used to the grand precision of the manufacturing and construction of their own universe, but the fact that all of this was most likely hand-crafted seemed to blow their minds. But their attention shifted from the impressive statues, to the equally grand doors as Azeline took a deep breath and pushed them open.
High arched ceilings held up by marble columns that ran along the sides of the nave with their tops adorned with intricate carvings of religious scenes met their eyes. Sunlight streamed through stained-glass windows, illuminating the space with a soft, golden glow highlighting religious murals and frescoes painted on the walls and floor.
Looking at the mural in the middle of the temple depicted what the two could only consider as the deity, stood with his golden eyes staring down at another with contempt. A crown of radiant red graced his brow, symbolizing his sovereignty and power as the deity gripped a mighty spear that held two intertwined forked points. Staring up at him was a being that looked similar to the deity, but was disfigured with ashen gray skin and a wicked snarl on its face as it tried to shield itself from the golden light cast by the stained glass.
“Glory to…” An older sounding man adorned in a lavish red and white robe made his way unsteadily to the group. “Glory to Tylas…!” He tried to say with strength, but the man was barely able to keep standing. “Glory to his righteous work and his holy judgment!”
The older man lifted his arms reverently as he stood between the three and the giant mural in the back that showed Tylas, holding a blood heart in his hand.
"May the righteous pantheon eradicate the corrupted sinners and guide us towards salvation!!" he exclaims with a devout zeal, his eyes blazing with fervor.
Clearly disturbed, Elijah and Bennett looked at each other in unease before nervously shifting their gaze towards Azeline in the hope that she would be able to navigate them through this.
Azeline, unaffected by the fervent display, replied with a reverent nod. "And may the justice of the righteous be swift and merciless," she said, bowing her head in agreement.
Taking her lead, Elijah and Bennett awkwardly followed suit, lowering their heads in an awkward manner to show respect.
The older man inclined his head in agreement. "Brothers, sister… What brings you to the sanctified abode of Tylas?” He then gracefully indicated the magnificent mural behind him, portraying Tylas with a blood-soaked heart in hand. "Forgive me for my presumptuousness,” He turned his head back to Azeline. ”but you carry the air of those from the halls of Harda… Have you come to offer your homage?"
Despite his unsteady footing and labored breathing, the robed priestly man regarded the group before him with a sharp gaze. As a silence descended upon the room, Elijah and Bennett fidgeted nervously, unsure of what to say, however, Azeline's voice resounded with a confident, unwavering tone. "No Holy Oracle, we have been dispatched under the authority of Lady Rhea, the Knight Commander of the Order of Salvanius, to identify the origin of the Miasma."
"Ah, I see," the priestly man replied, his eyes narrowing as he took in the words of Azeline. "The Miasma has been a great scourge upon our land, and it is good to see that the faithful are taking action against the traitors' machinations.” a vicious scowl started to form on his face as he continued to speak. “May a thousand spears pierce their souls!” He frothed at the mouth.
Adjusting his robe, the Oracle gaze refocused and looked at the group cautiously as started to put two and two together. If these individuals claimed to be empowered with the authority of someone as lofty as the Knight Commander from the Inquisition to find traces of Miasma and they weren’t here to pay respects to Tylas…
“But, why have you come here if you’re looking for traces of the Miasma?" he asked as his face started to form into a disgusted scowl. "Surely, you do not believe that the source lies within these sanctified halls!?" He spat out, tightening his grip around the bench.
Seeing the situation greatly deteriorate, Azeline looked to her companions for help and noticed they looked like they were at an even greater loss at what to do.
Turning her head back at the Oracle who seemed to get angrier at the second, the blonde elf woman wracked her brain for any kind of solution. “My Grace, we mean no offense!" Azeline said, waving her hands. “Y-you’re misunderstanding our intentions!” Azeline hurriedly said with a pleaful voice in an attempt to ease the older man’s rage.
Elijah and Bennett vigorously nodded their heads in agreement, hoping their combined efforts would help resolve the situation.
It didn’t.
The Oracle slowly hobbled towards the group using the rows of benches for support with righteous fury in his eyes. “YOU! YOU DARE COME INTO THE HOUSE OF TYLAS!” The Oracle, bellowed between deep breaths. “A PLACE OF SANCTUARY! AND YOU ACCUSE IT OF! OF CORRUPTION!?”
All three of them kept taking steps back in order to keep their distance. “NONONONONONONO!” Azeline vehemently denied the accusations, even though she knew they were correct.
"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE!?" The oracle bellowed at the group as their backs firmly hit against the wooden door as they tried to retreat.
Her brain worked on overdrive and her eyes started to swim trying to find SOMETHING that would calm the old man down. And when her eyes turned back to her companions, a light bulb went off in her brain.
“These two!” Azeline grabbed both Elijah and Bennett and shoved them forward, causing the two to nearly squeal in start. “They’re foreigners and have never been to a temple of Tylas, let alone one as grand as this one!!” She said, sweating bullets. “Even though they’re specialists employed by the Deacon himself, they still remain ignorant of the grandeur that is Tylas and the Pantheon! I only ask you to assist me in educating them!” The woman finished with a nervous smile.
Stopping in his tracks, the oracle narrowed his eyes and regarded the two strange men shoved in front of him. His expression soon softened as he took in their unfamiliar faces. "I see, they indeed must be foreigners…" he said, while tilting his head, studying their appearance. "I have never seen anyone dress in such… odd ways. It is not often that we receive guests who are not of our faith.” He continued standing up straight. “It would be my honor to enlighten them about the glory that is Tylas." The oracle unsteadily turned around and started walking towards the statue at the end of the temple.
All three of them let out a collective sigh of relief as they slowly trudged forward to catch up with the old man.
