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The Big Oof! Volume 1 Chapter 28: A Simple Treatment
🕑 Added 2023-02-16 18:39:02 +0000 UTCTwirling his plague mask around his finger, Theodius sat on a box in the center of the town square, surrounded by the low moans of the sick and dying as they lay in makeshift tents.
But he paid them no mind.
His eyes fixed on the horizon, eagerly awaiting Elijah's return with his fabled tools, completely ignoring the smoke that filled the air as large pyres burned nearby. All that was on his mind was all the alchemic and magical marvels that would be conjured, as he eagerly awaited Rhea to return with the man.
There was not a single thought for the bodies of men, women and children that the knights solemnly threw into the pyres. No, Theodius was too busy being consumed by his own overwhelming thirst for knowledge and discovery.
Everything else was just a mere… distraction.
"Ah, isn't the sweet nectar of knowledge so… tantalizing?" Theodius asked theatrically, lifting his hand into the air and wafting the air into his nose as if savoring a fine wine. "Soon Rhea will return with Master Elijah and we shall create magic that will stir the soul!”
Bennett had his hands in his pockets as he slowly turned his head to the madman giving him a perturbed look.
“Magical and alchemical marvels beyond imagination shall start here!" Theodius slapped his hands together and took a stand, his eyes alight with manic glee. "Oh, the possibilities! The possibilities are truly endless!!" He let out a long winded cackle, completely unbothered by the suffering of those around him.
“Christ on a stick…” Bennett muttered to himself as he rubbed his eyes to calm his nerves.
The engineer was half convinced the unhinged idiot was going to further lose his mind and start dissecting both Azeline and himself.
And it appeared the woman had the same thoughts.
“I think he’s going to kill us…” Azeline said with her arms wrapped around herself for comfort. “He’s gonna filet us like a fish and-”
“Bro, can you stop? I’m trying not to freak out and you’re NOT helping.” Bennett looked towards the Elf woman with a raised eyebrow.
Theodius was lost in his own world, gesturing wildly and rambling on in an grandiose manner as Bennett and Azeline looked on with unease. The knights that were busy going to and fro however, were completely unphased by the man’s actions. Having grown accustomed to his bizarre behavior, they decided to stop trying to fix the unfixable and instead focused on disposing of the dead to prevent the spread of an even more deadly disease.
Looking up at the midday sun, Bennett tried to gauge how long his captain had been gone when he heard the deacon should in excitement.
"Ah, Finally!” The Deacon yelled excitedly, causing Azeline to jump. “Oh joyous days! They’ve finally returned!”
“Come, come, show what you’ve brought!!" Theodius shouted with his arms wide open and his eyes shining like a gem.
Bennett and Azeline both looked at each other before simultaneously sighing in relief as they saw Elijah make his way over with his medpack. It seemed that for the moment they no longer had to endure this madman eccentricities now that his fixation was focused somewhere else. The deacon had spent the good part of the hour probing them with questions on their origins and what other fantastical things they had or knew about.
"Alright, let's get this stupid shit over with…" Elijah said with a visibly annoyed and unenthusiastic voice. "This bi… lady seems insistent on following me around to make sure I find the source of the contamination," he stopped himself from using more colorful language as he gestured towards Captain Rhea.
Elijah didn't either pay any attention or notice the female knight's glare as he tossed his pack onto the ground and began rummaging through the thing. He started to mutter expletives under his breath as he pulled out various small and odd-looking tools and instruments. The man’s agitation seemed to grow as he did his best to ignore the overly excited Deacon that was just behind him, growing louder and more animated with each instrument he pulled out.
“Your holiness, maybe we should give him some space-” The Knight Captain tried to reason with the Deacon, but he was just too excited. “OH, WHAT'S THAT!?” Theodius yelled in excitement as Elijah pulled out an epipen. “Master Eli-jah, you must share with me what those were!!”
Making sure the opening in the backpack was only large enough for only him to stick his hand in, Elijah's irritation grew as he struggled to find the right items in his tightly packed bag. The man constantly pushed aside the wrong tools and muttered curses under his breath as the added presence of a certain manchild loomed over him, practically vibrating with excitement, only served to further agitate him.
Maybe this will make him shut up… Elijah thought to himself as he pulled a pen-like auto injector.
With a deep breath, Elijah tried to calm himself down as he carefully placed the item back into his pack. He couldn't help but scowl as he thought about how this little injector was filled with a mixture of painkillers and sedatives. The damned thing was most likely worth more than the lives of everyone in the makeshift hospital combined. Hundreds of years of material and chemical science was hidden away in such a small package… Even if he devoted the rest of life to recreating the concoction, he knew he wouldn’t even come close to replicating it.
Elijah continued to rummage through his pack while his mind wandered to how long he and Bennett would manage to be able to survive in such a weird and alien world. Aging wasn’t exactly an issue after undergoing extensive gene therapy, but that didn’t take into account that there was fucking MAGIC that they encountered on a daily basis. Not only that, their modified immune system was most likely working overdrive trying to adapt and protect them from weird magic pathogens they were exposed to.
All in all, it seemed like death was inevitable on this garbage can of a planet…
"Master Eli-jah, you must share your secrets with me!" Theodius exclaimed, his eyes alight with wonder and curiosity.
Knocked out of his Reverie, Elijah turned around and gave the Deacon an disgruntled look before grabbing the item he was actually looking for.
A bio scanner.
“Can you WAIT!? God damn!” Elijah jerked his body away as Theodius invaded his personal space, trying to grab the thing. “I’m ‘bout to have the good Captain to keep your ass confined to your tent until I’m done!” The disgruntled medic scolded, shaking the scanner at the Deacon menacingly.
Captain Rhea's eyes widened in alarm and started to shift uncomfortably as she struggled to find a solution to the situation. She knew that Theodius was not only a Deacon, but the brother of Salvanius, and any act of disrespect towards the man was seen as an act of heresy. Her mind raced as she considered the easy solution of just beheading Elijah for his rudeness, but quickly dismissed the idea. Theodius had convinced Salvanius that this man was crucial to ending the miasmic plague as a whole and was ordered that he be treated as an extension of his will. And now this man was threatening to place her charge under confinement if he did not behave himself with her as the enforcer.
What does she do? Does she commit an act of heresy and arrest the Deacon? Or commit an act of heresy and disobey a literal Demigod.
Luckily, Theodius seemed to obey as he took a few steps back and stared at the man, clearly deflated.
“Ya, that’s what I thought,” Elijah continued his reprimand a “Keep fuckin around you’re about to find out!”
The medic kept grumbling as he fiddled with the bio scanner, going through several settings until he finally interfaced with it. Suddenly a stream of data flooded into his mind and he stood there for a brief seconds sorting every bit of information until he found what he was looking for.
“Ah right, here we go…” Elijah said to himself as the screen of the bioscanner lit up.
Holding the bio scanner up, Elijah showed the Deacon a microscopic image of several organisms vibrating and moving around with a single whirthing tentacle. Theodius' eyes widened in wonder as he stared at the device, completely mesmerized by the intricate details of the image that was displayed.
“My days… this is just as clear and magnificent as last time…” Theodius gasped while moving his face closer to the device. “Master Eli-jah, just what am I looking at?”
“This, Theo, my boy. Is what you people consider ‘Miasma’.” Elijah said smugly, causing Theodius to gasp again.
Captain Rhea's anger boiled as she watched Elijah treat the Deacon in such a casual manner. Clenching her fists tightly, she managed to fight off the automatic urge to lash out and punish the man for his insolence. Finally, after taking several deep breaths to calm herself, she decided to let it go for the time being and approached the two, squinting her eyes to get a closer look at the bio scanner.
“I’m not going to give a lecture on microbiology, but this is effectively what’s killing everyone.” Elijah explained. “Essentially it seems to act similar to a pathogen where I’m from called Cholera, where the thing latches onto G-proteins causing your cells to start carrying water and sodium-” Elijah stopped noticing the extremely confused looks on their faces.
As Elijah brought a hand to his chin, he realized that while the Imperial Standard was similar to the language these two spoke, they probably had no understanding of what he was saying. They likely didn't even have words for proteins, sodium, cells, or even biology in their vocabulary. He shook his head, thinking to himself about the difficulties of communicating with people from a primitive word.
“Uhhh… Basically, they’re thingies so small you can’t see them with your eyes called ‘germs’ and these germs usually end up attacking your body from within.” He simplified his explanation and shrugged. “It kills you by making your body lose a bunch of water and salt, and even if you drink a lot of water you just shit it out.”
Captain Rhea shook her head in disbelief, struggling to understand a single word that Elijah was saying. Sucking in a deep breath of air, she couldn't help but think that Elijah was completely insane and detached from reality. The idea of tiny unseen beings causing death from within was too fantastical to take seriously even far too for a work of fiction. She couldn't understand how he could believe in something so outlandish, let alone expect to convince a man as educated as the Deacon.
However it seemed the next moment her expectations were completely shattered. Theodius was completely enthralled with Elijah’s explanation as the holy man nodded along with the explanation and listened intently.
“The sickness where I’m from usually comes from contaminated water sources that aren’t filtered or flow, like wells.” Elijah continued his explanation as he walked around “And to decontaminate said well, you’d either need a healthy dose of chemicals…- Alchemical reagents or simply boil the water for a full minute before drinking.” He quickly corrected himself as he came to a stop. “But first we should start by finding what’s contaminated and before we settle on how we’re going to handle it.”
Elijah then started walking towards one of the wells in the town center.
“W-Wait! Master Eli-jah, wait!” Theodius unsteadily ran to catch up. “I have questions!”
“W-wha-what…? ” The Knight captain had a dumbfounded look on her face. “W-wait! Your holiness, wait!” She yelled, taking off after her charge. “Don’t tell me you believe this…! This charlatan!?”
As Captain Rhea’s voice carried off into the distance, Azeline turned her head towards Bennett and saw they both shared the same exhausted look.
“At least we’re not strapped to a stake, burning alive.” Bennett said, pushing up from his seated position.” Come on, let's get this stupid shit over with.” He continued as he proceeded to meander his way over to the trio fussing by the well.
Azeline put a hand to her head as she looked up at the cloudless sky wondering how she got herself into such an absurd situation with such absurd people. She didn’t know whether to be thankful or curse her god for putting her in this situation, but it at least seemed they were going to live another day.
Maybe…
As Bennett and Azeline joined the group crowded around the well, they heard Elijah start to explain to Theodius and Captain Rhea what was and how to make an oral rehydration solution. The remedy seemed simple enough that even the most illiterate farmer was able to replicate with a little luck. All that was needed was filtered water, sugar and salt and they’d have at least a somewhat workable treatment for those that were infected.
“It’s not a CURE by any means, but it will help lower the probability of someone infected dying.” Elijah said, pulling up the draw bucket.
Theodius had an intense look on his face as he listened to the lecture. No one knew what pocket he managed to pull it out of, but the Deacon had a folded piece of parchment and a thin piece of lead in his hands, scribbling furiously as Elijah spoke. Captain Rhea, however, still seemed skeptical, but was at least willing to listen and observe, even though she still thought the man mad.
Beep-beep
Elijah furrowed his brow as his bio scanner showed a negative result and tossed the bucket back into the well before making his way over to the next well.
“M-Master Eli-jah, if you will…” Theodius stopped his scribbling and looked at Elijah absentmindedly to push another draw bucket over a well. “What’s ‘filtered’ water and how does one make it?” He asked, turning the folded piece of parchment over.
Elijah opened his mouth to provide an easy answer solution, but immediately closed it and brought his hand to his chin. A sly smile briefly formed on his face as he realized there was an opportunity to gain some favors and resources
"I COULD show you how to make a water filter," he said. "But I find relinquishing such… vaunted expertise for free would be… unwise.” Elijah chose his words carefully. “Perhaps, if I were to be compensated for my time and extremely valuable knowledge, I would be willing to share such information with you."
Theodius looked at Captain Rhea who let out a sigh. The exasperated woman didn’t see this leading to any good, but she decided to indulge her charge for the time being.
“Fine… Compensated in what manner?” She said in a monotone voice.
"Well, that would be up to you and your order," Elijah replied. "Perhaps you buy a few items I have at a premium, or a favor to be called in at a later date. The choice is yours."
Captain Rhea scoffed at Elijah's proposition. "You expect to be paid for information that could save lives? That's ridiculous and selfish." She crossed her arms and glared at the man.
Elijah shrugged. "I am not a charity, Captain Rhea and I don’t have the luxury of running around with a great amount of wealth. I have my own needs and wants, just like anyone else. If you wish for my knowledge and expertise, you’re going to have to pay for it."
Theodius implored Captain Rhea with a pleading gaze, until she eventually relented with a sigh of defeat.
"Ugh… I understand. I’ll speak with Salvanius and see what can be arranged, but only AFTER we see the efficacy of your remedy!” She said, pointing a finger at Elijah. “I have my doubts about your… niche knowledge and I wont tolerate being swindled!!"
Clasping his hands together, Elijah started rubbing them together excitedly. "Of course, of course Lady Rhea! I was planning on only asking you for payment AFTER a few tests!” He said, pulling off his large backpack.
Jumping in the air with joy, Theodius let out a happy laugh and immediately wrapped his arms around Captain Rhea, lifting her up into the air.
“Thank you thank you thank you Lady Rhea!” He yelled out in elation.”If this works out, you’d have further healing research and development farther than you can comprehend!”
Forgetting that the man was also nearing the strength of a Demi-god, Rhea let out a groan of pain as all the air left her lungs.
“I’m… glad you’re happy…” She said through gritted teeth. “Please let me go, your holiness…”
Elijah pulled out a paper packet as wide as his palm, and took out his insulated flask. Seeing the action, Theodius finally let go of the Knight Captain and turned his attention towards the strange packet with foreign, but perfect writing on it.
"Now this,” Elijah said, ripping open the packet. “This is a more refined version of the rehydration solution I was talking about," he explained while pouring it into the thermos.
The medic shook the flask vigorously before tossing the thing to Captain Rhead, who barely had the wherewithal to catch it.
“Give this to the most dire case you have that’s still alive.” Elijah instructed. “It’ll take a few hours, but you should see a significant improvement in their condition.”
Captain Rhea looked at the odd flask as she felt the alien material in her hand. She thought of Elijah's explanation about how unseen beings were forcing the water and salt from people's bodies leading them to die from dehydration and couldn't help but think it was far too silly to be true. And now he was claiming that whatever was in this strange cylinder shaped bottle would help the sick retain water?
Ridiculous…
"Some of our own have been afflicted by this… unseen danger and I shall give this thing a chance," she said reluctantly. "But I have to warn you, if this makes them turn for the worse, I'll be holding you responsible for raising false hope." Rhea’s tone turned serious as she glared daggers into Elijah.
Elijah simply smiled. “I expect a generous offer when you return, Lady Rhea.”
Rhea simply frowned as she turned and started to walk away, half paying attention to the Deacon who was right next to her saying something about the strange material the weird bottle was made of. Thinking to herself, she was unsure if they were being played by this smooth talking man or if Elijah truly had something that could help. The sheer confidence he exuded even in the face of her blatant threat had made Rhea reconsider his words.
What if he was right…?
Looking back, she watched as that strange primate and his companions tossed another bucket into another well and thought about what kind of reward her order could possibly give them. Turning back to the Deacon, who had his hand stretched out like an excited child, Rhea smiled and placed the bottle in his hand as they made their way to a set of tents segregated from the masses.
“Come, your Holiness.” Rhea said, walking up to a tent and holding the flap open. “Let’s see what this alchemical solution can do.”
Comments
David Ellis
Will Lady Rhea turn into a dragon if she gets corrupted? :)
