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The Big Oof! Volume 1 Chapter 24: Say My Name
🕑 Added 2023-01-19 08:46:36 +0000 UTC“Yer back late deary! What were ye up to-” Mara cut herself off as she stared at the trio. “What the ‘ell is on yer head?”
Elijah stood there with a tired look as his obstinate ‘patron’ played with his hair by pulling and yanking on it as if she was controlling him.
“I don’t wanna talk about it.” He said in a flat and monotone voice.
Blinking a few times before stepping out of the way, Mara finally allowed the trio to lethargically step into the now empty tavern and slowly trudge towards their rooms..
“Should I uhh… get yer baths ready?” She asked, noticing their exhausted demeanor.
“Yes please, that'd be great…” Azeline instantly replied with sagging shoulders.
Mara chuckled as she turned around and rushed into the kitchen while barking orders at her Ferfolk employees. At least the two humans liked to hold the illusion that the workers were consenting employees and not forced labor.
Because it was highly likely they weren’t consenting…
However, at the moment none of them cared about that singular horrible fact, at least Elijah didn’t as he lowered himself into his hot bath.
“Ahhhhhh…” Elijah let out a moan of pleasure as he felt himself instantly relax.
At least relax as much as he could.
“So let me get this straight… You tried to enslave us with magic, but for some reason it didn’t work and you lost all your power?” The man said dead pan as he leaned back.
“NO, I turned you into my Apostles, but the cost for the binding took nearly everything I had!” The Vanir on top of his head corrected while pulling on his hair.. “And you took the rest!”
Elijah stared at the ceiling with a vacant expression as he thought about the word ‘Apostle’ and how it was defined to him. The only difference between a goddesses Apostle and a slave was the fact they would be able to name drop their patron deity and flex the authority they had over their devotees. Otherwise, you were still bound by sound to the god or goddess, forced to do their bidding regardless of free will or how you felt about it.
In other words, a slave with extra benefits.
“So I’m supposed to do everything you say?” He asked, raising a single eyebrow.
This caught Vanir off guard as she stopped yanking on the poor man’s hair and tilted her head in wonder. The tiny thing couldn’t wrap her head around why her servant was still able to express free will whenever she gave him an order.
“Ahhh! That’s right!!” She yelled while flying down and grabbing his face. “Why don’t you do what I tell you to do!?”
Having his cheeks smooshed together by some belligerent fairy, Elijah couldn’t help but blow out a powerful gust of air that sent her flying into the bath. And with a small yelp and a light splash, the Vanir disappeared beneath the depths only to emerge after a few short seconds.
“Gah! … Stinky…” She gasped for air and then held her nose while treading water.
Elijah’s face started to twitch in agitation as he watched the winged menace grab a hold of the wooden tub’s rim and pulled herself out of the water.
“Because you’re annoying and I don’t want to.” He finally answered, stretching his neck to the side.
The vanir threw one leg over the other and sat there contemplating on why this stubborn mortal wasn’t subject to even the most basic of soul magic. She didn’t use a common slave seal used on lesser mortals, but a greater one used to even bind archons to do her bidding. And this infuriating man not only was able to express free will in the face of her own, but was able to show outright hostility toward her!.
It was maddening!
“I knew I chose correctly when I made the two of you my servants. But how do I make you obey…?” She said aloud with a finger on her chin.
Elijah squinted his eyes at his ‘patron’ while she started talking to herself.
“You know I can hear you right?” He said, flicking water at her.
She completely ignored him while her fiery hair flickered from the water.
“Should I entice him with my body…?” The Vanir said seriously considering this option.
“You’re literally the size of my hand.” Elijah interjected.
“What about a harem consisting of my devotees? He seems like a carnal and base animal.” She continued
Elijah balked at that.
“Hey! What the hell!? I’m right here!” He yelled, outraged. “Do you even have devotees!?”
“RUDE! Of course I do!” She said, sounding insulted. “I'll have you know that I’m the goddess of ALL Fae!”
The Vanir took a proud stance and puffed out her chest.
With a deadpan stare, Elijah couldn’t help but wonder if his new guest was plagued with some kind of cognitive problem. However, he couldn’t completely rule out the fact that she might be telling the truth about her power, or something close to it at least. Nothing else could explain the sheer absurdity of coming back to life after literally exploding into small chunks.
“Okay then ‘Goddess of all Fae,’ where are your followers and why haven’t they even helped in your rescue?” Elijah narrowed his eyes as he probed the small woman.
Silence reigned as the Vanir still stood there with her chest puffed out and her face struggling to maintain its dignified form as her eyes and mouth twitched in agitation. Elijah sat in the water staring at the fairy waiting for her answer, but after a full minute had passed and seemingly no reaction from the thing, he came to a sudden realization.
…
“They put you in there, didn’t they…?” Elijah asked with an unsurprised, but incredulous expression.
The Fairy immediately closed the gap between them and grabbed his head with both arms.
“IT’S NOT FAIR! IT’S NOT FAIR! IT’S NOT FAIIIIIIR!” She yelled, squeezing his face. “Those…! Those idiots! Those idiots stole my power and locked me away!”
“Idiots, idiots, idiots!” She wailed with small tears coming out of her eyes.
A genuine look of surprise spread across Elijah’s face as he sat in his tub wondering how such a small thing could exert so much strength while his head rocked back and forth. However, the wonder was short lived as exasperation creeped across his face at the realization that he hit the nail on the head.
“That’s horrible, right!? RIGHT!?!?* The small thing yelled before letting go of her victim's face and spinning around in the air with an innocent look .“Just because I tried to borrow a little power from the old ones and- GWAK!”
Elijah used his finger to flick the back of the fairies head causing her to dive face first into the water.
“Annoying…” He muttered with a slight snarl on his face.
Popping her head out of the water with a grumpy look, the Fairy glared at her attacker with teary eyes as her flame-like hair flickered in the water.
“R-Rude! How dare you treat the great Yanaiyániuoa in such a way!” She shouted at him and turned her head in a harumph. “You shouldn’t be rude to a goddess!”
“I shouldn’t be rude to a goddess locked up by her own followers?” Elijah asked raising an eyebrow.
The Vanirs mouth started flapping as she stared at the man with an angry yet tearful gaze.
“Y-You!” She stuttered with her head sticking out of the water..
“You brute! Why are you so mean to me!?” She yelled “What has Yanaiyániuoa done to receive such treatment!?”
Closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose, Elijah sunk a bit deeper into the tub and pondered his decision making paradigm. There was a lot that went wrong with this new venture, but he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what exactly led them to suffer the presence of this… gnat.
“OKAY Yana-Whatever, maybe it’s the fact you tried to ENSLAVE US?” Elijah shot back with derision in his voice. “And no matter how many times we kill you, you won't go away!”
Gasping as if the most offensive thing had just been spoken to her, the Fairy’s face contorted in anger as she glared at him.
“You dare!? It’s Yanaiyániuoa! Yanaiyániuoa!!” She snarled and started gathering mana.
“Ya, I’m not saying that.” Elijah huffed in amusement. “You’re Yana from now on- OW! FUCK!”
With a magical POP, ‘Yana’s’ appearance had changed dramatically.
Replacing her otherwise fiery hair, the blaze upon the Vanirs head changed into a gentle greenish yellow vapor that spilled past her shoulders and into the water. A wicked and evil smile spread across the Fae’s face as she gathered magical energy again, causing bright yellow streaks of lighting coursing through her eyes and hair.
ZAP
“OW! CAN YOU STOP- AHH! GOD DAMNIT!!” Elijah felt what accumulated to mild static electricity shock him repeatedly.
“SAY MY NAME!” Yanaiyániuoa yelled.
ZAP
“SAY IT!!!”
ZAP
“OKAY, OKAY! STOP ALRE- GAH!!” Elijah yelped as he was shocked once again.
‘Ya… Ya-na-ee-yuh- AARRGH!”
ZAP
“WROOONG!” A devilish grin was spread across the little demon’s face.
-
The next morning Elijah was already downstairs eating a bowl of porridge with vacant eyes as Bennett and Azelien made their way down the steps. When the two newly awakened pair’s eyes finally fell on their ill fate companion and saw the sorry state he was in, both of them froze.
Azeline was mid yawn when she saw Elijah’s usually wavy hair spiked in different directions while an electrically charged Vanir was lying on top of his head.
“What hap-” She tried to inquire about his state, but the man cut her off.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Elijah interjected with a monotone voice.
…
Bennett however, just stood there staring at his captain for a few solid seconds before shaking his head and sitting down. The engineer knew better than that and he came to the conclusion that maybe there were some questions better left unasked unless he were to suffer the same fate.
Especially now that the damned thing turned colors.
“Sooooo… What are my other two apostle’s names?” The fae asked, with a fist full of his hair.
Elijah let out a massive sigh as he felt a cool breeze blow through his hair as the small being rolled around.
“Ask them yourself, Yana.” he said in irritation.
Yana had finally given up on making her new ‘servant’ try to say her proper name as she stood on her two feet on top of Elijah’s head and pointed her finger at the newcomers.
“Welcome my new servants! I am Yanaiyániuoa!” She said proudly.
“You may bow.” Yana put her hands on her hips and tilted her head up with an arrogant look.
However, neither of the two beings in front of her moved an inch.
“Yana, huh?” Bennett muttered while rubbing the scraggly scruff on his chin as he pondered the situation they were in. “So we’re stuck with you, huh?”
Bennett was there during each one of Yana’s revivals when Elijah decided to put her immortality to the test. It seemed the small being was telling the truth, because each and every time her body was broken, Yana just reformed and floated there as if nothing had happened. He had to accept that getting rid of their new guest was no longer an option, especially since it was apparent that she grew a liking to the group…
“I’m Ben and this is Aze.” Bennett said with a sigh of resignation.
Azeline turned his head with a raised eyebrow.
“Since when have I been just Aze?” She asked, crossing her arms.
“Since now.” Bennett replied not even looking at her as he kept his eyes locked on the Fairy.
He didn’t have the greatest social abilities, but with his extended time with Elijah, Bennett picked up a few things. Like how to make someone problematic feel more welcomed by letting them use the shortened version of your name to give an air of familiarity.
Yana squinted her eyes for a few brief moments before zipping towards Bennett within a blink of an eye and bee lined straight for his head. The sudden movement caused the engineer to flinch and try to swat the little fairy, but she anticipated the movement and successfully placed both of her hands on his forehead.
“Hrmmm…” Yana murmured with glowing violet eyes. “You’re the Same as Eli…”
Suddenly she turned her head towards Azeline and zipped over, causing the elf woman to flail before locking up momentarily as Yana’s eyes glowed once more. This time, the little demon’s abilities had an effect as Azeline felt her mild muddle and her movements sluggish.
“Wait!? Why does it work on you and not them!?” Yana yelled while she watched Azeline put her arm on the table to steady herself.
Elijah’s eyes started twitching after watching the menace act however she pleased.
“Yana… Stop harassing my crew.” He said sternly, glaring at the tiny fae.
“W-what!? I can do whatever I want to my servants!” She shouted back, crossing her arms in a harumph.
Elijah narrowed his eyes and started tapping on an empty wooden mug that was right next to him.
“Do you want to go on time out again?” Elijah asked as if he was talking to a toddler. “Cause you’re about to go on time out again.”
Yana’s face fell when she spun her head around and saw that he was tapping on a hollow cylinder large enough to fit her body. She couldn’t help but shiver at the memory of being stuck under a wooden bucket for over an hour after their last little scuffle the night prior.
“N-no! nononono! It’s okay! I’m very kind to my servants!!” She said quickly undoing whatever spell she performed on the elf woman.
“”S-see!? Th-there’s no need for that, okay!?” Yana laughed nervously and she hid behind her victim.
Azeline suddenly felt clarity come to her mind as she righted herself and rubbed her forehead with the palm of her hand.
“Ugh… Why the hell is it always me!?” She growled, turning around to find the offender.
However, Yana used her size and speed to her advantage, keeping her position just behind Azeline’s back.
“Where are you!?” The blonde elf roared in anger. “Even mortals have their limits!!”
Elijah rests his head on his hand and stares at the debacle unfolding before him, feeling a sense of nostalgia. It felt as if he was sent back in time to experience the formation of his very first crew after he was discharged from the military. The man was unable to control the small smile that was forming on his face and wondered that maybe this was a second chance to do it all over again.
To do it right.
“I see yer all lively today!” Mara called out as she walked through the doors with a platter of her famed tubers.
“I saw ye were all tuckered out last night and thought ye might need something better than porridge to fuel the rest of your day!” She said merrily, setting the tubers on the table.
Everyone immediately stopped what they were doing and snapped their heads towards the table stacked with the fried delicacies. And when Bennett and Azeline saw that Elijah already had a bowl in his hand, shoveling as much of the french fry analogues onto it, the bickering came to an end. The two made a mad dash to the table and grabbed their own bowls as they scooped up as much of the newly arrived treats as possible.
“Yo, yo chill!” Elijah yelled, as he saw Bennett literally shoved his bowl into the mountain of fries.
However, Bennett knew better than that, he managed to catch his captain's sleight of hands, the man put his bowl down on the chair next to him and started filling a second one.
“FUCK YOU!!” Bennett shot back and proceeded to shove as much as he could onto his bowl.
Yana was left floating there in utter confusion while she watched the 3 mortals savagely devour the food in front of them as if they were base animals. Tilting her head to the side, the curious little goddess made her way over to Elijah's hidden bowl and grabbed a singular tuber before floating away unnoticed.
“Is this really the cause of so much fuss?” Yana asked as she landed on the other side of the table with a piping hot tuber.
It had been thousands of years since the last time she indulged in mortal sustenance and even then, the offerings provided to her were extremely bland and forgettable. Ever since she hasn’t bothered with any type of mortal food and was content with just taking the magical energy her devotees provided and left everything else to rot.
Eyeing the crispy dish cautiously, Yana poked and prodded the thing, unable to help to be a little skeptical of its taste.
“Hopefully this time it won’t be as salty as the sea…” She muttered, opening her mouth to reveal a set of razor sharp teeth.
Nom
With a small crunch, Yana’s face lit up in delight as wash over her, causing the Fairy to immediately open her mouth for another bite. It wasn’t long before Yana found that the fry had disappeared which prompted her to float on over and steal another one like a little gremlin.
As the minutes went by, the previously full plate had been licked clean causing the crew to look down at their bowls depressingly.
“There’s only porridge left…” Azeline said with a melancholic tone.
No one answered her as they sat back, feeling the same empty feeling inside, save for one.
Elijah smirked as he looked down towards his hidden treasure with a smug smile, however that smile soon vanished from his face. In its place was the look of absolute horror as his gaze fell upon a little humanoid, leaning against the back of the chair with a satisfied look on her face.
“Y-YOU! YOU LITTLE FUCKING CRACK HEAD!” He bellowed in distress while grabbing the bowl. “HOW!!! WHERE DID IT FUCKING GO!?”
All eyes locked on Elijah as his eyes darted from Fairy to bowl.
“THE BOWL ALONE WEIGHS MORE THAN YOU!! WHAT THE FUCK!?” He yelled, wondering where in the world she managed to store it.
As the man lost his mind, both Bennett and Azeline sat there with self-satisfied grins, knowing the scandalous and deceptive captain was getting his just deserts.
“Ahhh… that was actually amazing…” Yana let out a sigh while rubbing her tummy.
Never in her long life had she ever had that kind of experience and the little menace had experienced A LOT of things. As a matter of fact… Now that she thought about it, there had been a lot of new experiences since these two odd mortals managed to free her.
Yana sat back and ignored the large raging man and thought about what other new things and sensations she’ll be able to experience.
