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The Big Oof! Volume 1 Chapter 22: Freedom
🕑 Added 2023-01-06 03:03:14 +0000 UTC“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!” Elijah yelled as he literally jumped into the air and scrambled backwards
The man repeatedly pulled the trigger on his pistol and dumped another magazine into the Abomination's bloated head. Brain matter and gore splattered everywhere as round after round found its mark into the beast's head, finally ending its miserable existence.
“FUCK! THIS FUCKING PLANET DUDE, HOLY SHIT!” Elijah Yelled furiously as he changed the magazine in his pistol while continuing to back up.
Bennett watched his captain lose all semblance of calm and hop around while cursing.
It was sentiment he could empathize with, at this very moment the engineer just wanted one thing and that was to be back in space in his nice and cozy ship. This place was absolutely WILD with its elves, animal people, furries, giant crack out spiky bears that disappeared into shadows and now deformed hellish nightmares straight out of an H.P. Lovecraftian novel.
It was like this was all some kind of sick joke.
A parody of all the trashy fantasy novels he would read online.
Now that the threat was finally dead, Elijah looked around and saw that literally everyone was dead and in pieces scattered all over the place except Azeline, Elijah and Himself. Looking back at the grotesque body that was their hostage, Bennett couldn’t help the dread and fear building within.
He initially thought these… knights, we just larping and going around lynching innocent people over the esoteric ideas of their religion.
Oh how wrong he was… It turned out that this world's version of the Spanish Inquisition was right.
And they were stuck here…
“Eli…” Bennett called turning to his captain. Elijah paced with his hands on his head.
Elijah was clearly stressed out to an unreasonable degree seeing he was pacing back and forth, a safe distance away from the beast with his hands on his head.
“Eli, what do we do now?” He asked, completely at a loss.
Coming to a stop, Elijah gave his engineer a look that screaming ‘Why the fuck are you asking me?’ before looking over at Azeline. The woman was wobbling her way over to the two, in an unsteady fashion and looked to him for leadership.
Never in his life had he felt such pressure as he did now…
There’s been a lot of crazy shit Elijah had seen in his life, but having the person they were trying to rescue turn into some monstrosity like it was some indie horror film, took the cake.
“I… I-I…” Elijah tried to answer as he felt both their eyes fixate on him for an answer.
“Give me a minute… Just… give me a minute.” He said, sucking in a deep breath in order to control his breathing and emotions.
An entire minute passes as Elijah stood there silently with his eyes closed, breathing deeply as he battled for control of his mind. The insane chaotic noise that drowned to every other thought, finally started to calm down as he started compartmentalizing everything that went down.
“Azeline, what did we just see?” He asked, looking towards the woman.
Startled by how calm the sudden question was, Azeline initially stumbled with her words until she managed to answer.
“Huh? Umm… O-oh That? That’s corruption” She said as that was the most obvious thing in the world.
Elijah and Bennett just simply stared at her with unamused expressions, waiting for the woman to continue the damned explanation.
“Look, I don’t know much about it either! I’ve only seen it once and it’s never been THIS powerful!” She yelled, throwing her arms up”You’re going to have to ask the deacon, all I know is after the great betrayal by the traitor gods, some of their followers start to turn into abominations after they surrender themselves.”
“Most of the time they just explode.”
Both of the humans' faces twitched after hearing this woman say they ‘explode’ MOST of the time. There were a lot of other questions that needed to be asked, like how someone built up enough energy to explode like they were wearing a suicide vest, but there were more pressing questions.
“Okay, so these knights… Who the fuck are they?” Elijah asked his next questions.
Looking at the dismembered bodies, Azeline cringed.
“The Holy Dominion’s Crusader Order of Inquisition.” She said with a serious tone. “The main arm of hunting down and combating any signs of corruption wherever they might be.”
“Jesus Christ, they’re even CALLED the inquisition… haha!” Bennett said while laughing and rubbing his eyes with his hand. “And they’re the GOOD guys!”
Elijah had his hand covering his mouth as he looked back at the mess of corpses scattered around and wracked his brain for a possible solution for their now growing problem.
“We fucked up, didn’t we?” Elijah commented, remembering how they shot their way into the place.
“Wait…” An idea popped into his head as he looked back at Azeline “Is there… Do they have any emblems or items that signify they belong to that order?” He asked with near excitement. “Something that would be illegal for anyone else to have!?”
Bennett looked over at Elijah knowing full well whatever he was coming up with, was most likely going to be bat shit insane. Out of all the years he’s known his captain, there had never been a single time where the man didn’t implement the most unconventional and insane idea imaginable.
Especially when he’s backed into a corner.
“Y-yes… Yes, they do.” Azeline had to think about that for a moment.
The woman had a handful run-ins with Crusaders and they’d always flash this insanely detailed golden sigil that glowed with mana. At one point during her youth, Azeline recalled that piece of shit of a lord was being suspected of consorting with demons by the Inquisitor himself. Of course the lord refused to attend any formal questioning, so the Crusaders showed up, flashed the sigil and waltzed right into the manor unopposed.
All while dragging the lordling out, kicking and screaming.
It turned out the bastard was indeed consorting with demons as he raped his way throughout his fathers fiefdom.
“They should have a golden eye, they use that whenever they need to assert authority.” Azeline said, cringing in displeasure at the flood of memories.
“Alright, start looting.” Elijah said abruptly as he walked to the closest body to and started patting it down for pockets.
Bennett simply sighed and did as Elijah asked, But Azeline stood there with a shocked face, unable to understand what was happening. She watched as the two men defiled members of an order that had such a high social ranking, they’d effectively be cosigned to the slowest death possible if caught.
“W-WHAT IN THE HEAVENS ARE YOU DOING!?” She yelled as Elijah as he patted down what remained of the red eyed woman’s body.
The man in question had grabbed a hold of the deceased woman's necklace and yanked it off, showing a much more elaborate version of the Sigil compared to the ones Bennett pulled off.
“NO! NONONO! THEY’LL BURN US FOR THIS!” Azeline continued to yell as she pointed at the two.
“Aze, you’re gonna need to trust me on this.” Elijah tried to sooth his distraught companion.
Azeline was having none of it however,
“DON’T YOU AZE ME!” She frothed.
Bennett gave another sigh as he turned out the argument and slipped another Sigil into his pocket. Looking towards the pillar where Azeline initially pinned the abomination to a run carved stalagmite, Bennett narrowed his eyes and activated his implants to inspect the things. He figured he might as well pass the time studying his surroundings as a means to help ignore the maniac woman behind him.
However, the engineer soon furrowed his brow as he saw an anomaly…
The very room was teeming with an overwhelming amount of that same strange energy that allowed Azeline and everyone else to do their magic, but each stalagmite seemed to be actively repulsing it.
Except one…
“Uhh… Guys?” Bennett called out, but the two were still in the middle of their bickering.
“ELI-JAH EXPLAIN YOURSELF!” Azeline stood and confronted the man with her hand on her hip.
Elijah huffed in indignation, he was avoiding having to explain the details of his plan, because it didn’t really exist yet. He had a rough idea of where he wanted to go with it, but the fine details of how he would make it happen still eluded him.
“Well, I was thinking -
“GUYS!” Bennett yelled out in distress as he turned towards the two.
That had got both Azeline's and Elijah’s attention as they turned to look at the now frantic engineer.
“I uhh! I think we have a problem!” Bennett said with worry in his voice.
Bennett saw an untold amount of energy being violently sucked into the sole stalagmite that Azeline had pierced with the spear when she pinned that abomination. To make matters worse, the bodies of both the knights and the abomination were being aggressively siphoned.
Immediately standing to his feet, Elijah took a few steps back while he and his group looked around in terror. Each of the bodies started to deteriorate rapidly as an orange glow permeated from beneath their skin causing it to slowly flake off and blow in the same direction of the damaged stalagmite. Even the large body of that bloated abomination had started collapsing in on itself as its structure began to fail.
“W-What's going on?” Azeline stammered as she grabbed another spear from the ground.
No one answered as Bennett and Elijah checked their weapons to make sure there were rounds in them.
Suddenly an earth shattering crack echoed throughout the cavern as the damaged Stalagmite split down the middle.That same orange glow that was consuming the bodies was now emanating from it as several other stalagmites started to break as well.
“Oh… oh fuck…” Bennett said, staring upwards.
The faux sky looked like it was literally on fire as a burning swirl slowly descended just in front of them and turned the very ground the moment it touched.
Just when Bennett and Elijah thought they’d seen it all, the burning vortex hit the ground, liquifying the rock it touched. By all accounts, they should already been dead just from being in proximity of a whirlwind of air so hot that it effectively glassed everything it touches.
Yet here they were, no feeling a lick of heat on…
"Azeline… what are we looking at?" Elijah asked in a shaky voice
"I-I don't know…!" Azeline immediately replied, absolutely horrified.
Her tone and answer pushed the already on edge humans over the precipice as they scrambled to reload and check their weapons. Unfortunately the men had burned through all their rifles' ammo due to not expecting to make an emergency raid, but fortunately they still had a mag or two for their pistols.
“God I hate this fucking planet!” Bennett yelled as the vortex looked like it was slowly collapsing in on itself.
Soon the maelstrom condensed into a small and violently swirling ball that simply hovered above the molten ground. The group watched as the ball started to further condense while it spun faster and faster until it fully collapsed in on itself with a small pop.
A blast of superheated air shot out in all directions causing everyone to flinch and wince in pain as their skin felt as if it caught on fire for a microsecond. However, once they opened their eyes and looked back towards the source of the blast, there floated a tiny humanoid figure that was hovering above the liquified ground.
A female shape fully formed from the fiery whirlwind as the small humanoid flapped its tiny little fiery red and icy blue little wings. A vicious smile stretched across its face, showing a set of sharp teeth as her oddly blackened hands glided across her light olive skin.
“Mmmmm…. Freedom…” A smooth and somewhat deep feminine voice escaped from the tiny thing.
“A…A-A Vanir? W-Why?” Azeline stammered out in horror as she fell back on to her rear.
She immediately recognized what the figure that just appeared in front of them was… and it wasn’t good.
The Vanirs eyes snapped open as it slowly turned its head to take stock of who and what was around it, causing the literal flame on top of its head to flick around.
“Ah, mortals… Is that how it is?” The Vanir sighed in satisfaction as its wings flapped at high speeds, bringing it closer to Azeline.
Azeline was having none of it as she immediately started to crawl backwards as if she was trying to get away. Seeing the woman’s reaction, Elijah and Bennett kept pace as they slowly backed up with their weapons trained on the tiny being.
“It’s quite surprising that mortals were able to damage my bindings and provide me with enough power to break free.” The Vanir half giggled as she floated closer. “I suppose I should thank you.”
“Nonononono! There’s no need to thank us!” Azeline nearly yelped as she tried to back away faster.
However, the Vanir simply vanished and suddenly appeared right in Azelines face, staring at her with its swirling and glowing violet eyes.
“Oh heavens, no… That won’t do!” An even more vicious smile spread across its face.
“I can’t let my slav- I mean saviors go unrewarded!” The Vanir said giddily.
The being stretched out a single blackened hand and tapped Azelines head with just a single finger, causing her to flinch violently.
“No! No please!” Azeline grabbed her head with teary eyes.
Seeing that her victim was cowering with a single touch, the little thing grabbed its mouth with both hands and started giggling uncontrollably.
"Ehehehe! Don't worry little one!" The Vanir again closed the gap within a blink of an eye.
"I wON't HuRt YOU" Its distorted voice resounded as its eyes flashed blindingly.
Azeline's shoulders started to sag as she felt her body relax, but her eyes still maintained their intensity even though she swayed from side to side. The woman couldn’t help but fall flat on her back as she stared up at the ceiling after losing complete control of her fine motor skills.
"W-why…?" She muttered as she fought to maintain consciousness.
Elijah clicked his tongue the moment he saw Azeline fall backwards and cursed himself from not blasting the damned thing when he had the chance. Now he couldn’t take any shots without killing Azeline as well due to the weird fairy thing sitting on top of her head.
The Vanir kept giggling as it spun around and crossed its legs while giving both the humans an interested look. The thing tilted its head curiously as its eyes started to dimly glow and looked at if she was scrutinizing the two as they kept their weapons pointed at it.
“You two are mundane…?” It said curiously. “This one isn’t powerful enough to defeat one of The Hungerer’s children by herself…”
“You must tell me your secrets!” It yelled excitedly as it blinked in front of Elijah.
With another brilliant violet flash of its eyes, it grabbed a hold of Elijah's head which caused the man to flinch. He kept his eyes shut, expecting the same drowsiness that befell Azeline to take hold of him as well and send him crashing to the floor.
However, nothing happened.
“Huh?” The Vanir let out in confusion.
Elijah reacted immediately and tried to swat her away, but the thing teleported to the other side of his head and let out another brilliant flash.
“Why wont it work!?” The Vanir yelled, blinking several times as it dodged the hands trying to smack it away.
“Is this empty!? Helllooooooo?” It yelled, bonking Elijah on the forehead with its fist. “Is anyone in there?”
Bonk bonk
Elijah started flailing at that point in an attempt to get the thing away from him.
“CAN YOU FUCK OFF ALREADY!?” He yelled.
“Rude! I’m trying to do you a favor you idiot!” The Vanir shot back with its hands on its hips.
Coming to a stop, Elijah glared daggers at the nuisance as its high speed wings kept it afloat just in front of his face.
“I don’t know what this ‘fuck’ means, but it sounds rude!” The Vanir said, pouting and turning its face away. “You’re rude!”
The absolute absurdity of the situation made Bennett hesitate on taking a shot even though the fairy floated a safe distance away. He could literally feel his brain being overloaded from being thrusted from one insane situation to the next with no room to breathe in between.
Finally noticing Bennett’s presence, The Vanir beelined for his head and let out another flash of light.
“ARGH!!!” The little thing yelled smacking her head with her hand “WHY WONT IT WORK!?”
Frustration was starting to overcome the Vanir as it turned back towards Azeline and blinked back on top of her head.
“AHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Azeline screamed as she threw herself to her feet.
The woman immediately pulled out her dagger and ran next to her companions as she stared at the creature in both fear and awe. She took up a fighting stance as she slightly trembled and cowarded behind Elijah while chanting a prayer to her god to safeguard her soul.
The Vanir had blinked on top of Elijah’s head and crossed her legs as she sat in deep thought, unable to figure out why her soul magic didn’t work on these two mundane men. Meanwhile, the man in question had given up trying to remove her presence and just stood there as still as he could, all the while grumbling.
“We’re terribly sorry for being rude, is it possible for us to just… leave?” Elijah asked cautiously as he felt the thing play with his hair.
The Vanir had an aghast look on its face as it looked down and yanked on the man’s wavy hair.
“What!?” Its feminine voice yelped out. “I can’t let such promising servants go!!”
“All the other gods and goddesses would laugh at me!”
Elijah and Bennett looked at each other in disdain at the prospect of their very freedom being treated in such a frivolous manner. They needed to get rid of this thing and they needed to get rid of it as soon as they could or who knows what kind of crazy shit will happen next. All that was needed was for the damned thing to sit still for a second or two and they’d finally have a breather to relax.
“What would it take for you to go away?” Elijah let out, with his eye twitching.
Silence reigned for a moment as the Vanir thought about what it would take and what it wanted…
“Why in the world would I entertain the thoughts of some mundane idiot?” It said with an amused tone. “I still need to figure out why my soul magic doesn’t work on you!”
With a bead of sweat going down the back of his neck, Elijah couldn’t help but wonder just how in the world they were going to get themselves out of this one. A psychotic teleporting fairy that had fire for hair and could paralyze the strongest here with a simple twinkle of the eye and a simple touch…
He had to think of something…
“Say… You wondered how we defeated that hungerer thing?” Elijah said, trying to entice the Fairy “We could show you if you let us walk out of here unharmed.”
This motherfucker… Bennett cursed in his own head as his eyes shifted over at Elijah.
He already knew what this son of a bitch was going to try to do and his knee jerk reaction was to say it was incredibly risky and stupid. However, he didn’t couldn’t think of any other solutions and he understood that they were in a crazy situation that called for crazy gambits.
“Hmmmm…. Deal!” The Vanir said excitedly as it floated a meter in front of them.
“So how did you beat it-”
CRACK
The small being exploded into small chunks of gore.
