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The Big Oof! Volume 1 Chapter 17: Welcome Aboard!
🕑 Added 2022-12-19 08:38:43 +0000 UTC“What the fuck do you mean you can’t read??” Elijah asked with a baffled expression
Bennett was equally shocked by the news of Azelines illiteracy seeing how he was staring at the woman like she was an alien.
“It means I can’t read! Why are you two so surprised!?” Azeline herself sat there with a confused face .
From the looks she was receiving, one would assume the two men thought there was something WRONG with her or she was defective in some way.
“I mean, who the hell can read other than the clergy of the holy dominion or some rich merchant!?” She defended herself, and decided to turn the tables on the two men. “Can YOU read?”
“In four other languages except this one!” Elijah retorted, pointing at the parchment with both hands.
Azeline’s eye twitched as she brought hand to her head to massage her eyes and groan in self derision. Another absurdity that had caught her off guard, she couldn’t help but wonder; just why in the hell did she even bother asking? She already knew the answer.
“Right… Right.” She lamented, still pressing her fingers against her eyes.
Elijah furrowed his brow, thinking she didn’t believe him as he moved out of the way for the furry servant girl.
“I’m serious, I just can’t read this one because I just learned this one!” He said while pouring himself his 4th mug of Ale.
“I’m definitely NOT questioning whether you can or not.” Azeline pulled her hand from her head and placed it flat on the table. “But, I’m willing to bet there isn’t a soul in this town other than Master Simol that can read.”
Silence reigned at the gangs table for a solid minute while everyone simply stared at each other in disbelief.
“Bullshit, you’re lying.” Bennett said, narrowing his eyes, “there’s no way that could be true.” He continued and grabbed the arm of some poor Ferfolk woman that happened to be passing by..
The furry woman jumped, nearly dropping a tray full of empty plates and turned her terrified gaze to Bennett while guarding her skirt.
“Excuse me, can you read?” Bennett asked, ignoring the odd reaction.
The woman's brain seemed to blue screen as she tried to comprehend the words that were just spoken to her.
“I-I’m sorry… What was that, sir?” She asked hesitantly, assuming she must have misheard the question.
“I asked if you or anyone you knew were able to read.” Bennett asked again, not letting go of her arm and staring at her intensely.
The woman’s mind went blank again as she stood there, stunned.
“I”m sorry sir, but no. W-we were only taught to clean and please at the pens…” The Ferfolk woman answered carefully.
This had to be a trap… they were testing her for any signs of rebellion.
The only questions she would be asked is where their food and drink were, or if she was available for service. Even then, most of the time they wouldn’t even ask and just grab her by the mane and drag her into an empty room.
Bennett finally let go of the woman and turned his gaze back to Elijah and shared a disoriented look with the man.
“There’s NO ONE you know that can read? At all?” Elijah asked the woman as she tried slowly shifting away.
“N-No sir, not a soul!” She answered and fidgeted nervously.
Elijah cupped his nose and mouth in his hands and rested his head on the table at the realization that they had valuable intel and no way of deciphering it.
The servant girl tilted her head slightly and realized she was wrong about them trying to root out a rebellion and were actually in need of someone with literary ability. However, sensing they were rather upset, she decided it was best not to linger and scampered away while she still could.
“See? I’m not the abnormal one here!” Azeline pointed at the two, with a cup of ale splashing around. “YOU are!”
Elijah watched as the woman downed her 5th ale and looked over at Bennett who still had the look of disbelief on his face.
“If you can’t read, how do you do business? How do you know you’re not getting screwed over when getting paid??” Bennett asked Azeline without even looking at her.
The man was busy staring at a patron heckling a poor servant girl and trying to drag her away.
Azeline gasped for air and put her mugged down and looked over at the Engineer with scorn written all over her face.
“What? Like calculate?” She waved her hand dismissing the notion out right. “There are middlemen handle the pay and the job details, so take a cut and make sure freelancers aren’t screwed over”
“Jesus Christ…” Elijah said, slumping further into his hands.
Bennett blinked a few times and shook his head, feeling like someone just took a sledge hammer to his forehead. It seemed every question he asked was followed by another absurdity so extreme, he couldn’t fathom how this society even functioned on a fundamental level.
But seeing how shit everything was, it was evident it WASN’T functioning.
“What’s 1+1?” He abruptly asked, snapping his head towards Azeline.
The woman in question flushed at being asked such an unexpected question.
“What? I don’t know! I'm no merchant!” she snapped back.
Bennett dragged his hand down his face as disbelief was threatening to short circuit his brain. He couldn’t comprehend how a person could physically live without understanding basic arithmetic let alone simple addition and subtraction of single digit numbers.
“Holy shit… Do you even know what 1 is?” he genuinely asked.
“I will throw something at you Ben-net!” Azeline barked, clutching the handle of her mug.
The engineer put his hands up and showed his palms to the woman.
“I’m just asking! It’s a legitimate question; do you know what 1 is?” Bennett inquired, continuing to push the woman to answer.
“Of course I do, I can count higher than most people! I can count to at least uhh… twenty?” Azeline made a fist and started throwing up fingers as she attempted to count
Nonplussed, Elijah just sat there with his greatest attempt at poker face while simultaneously trying to throw back as much alcohol as he could. It was his way of trying to cope with the reality of the world they found themselves in and the future difficulties they were poised to face due to such extreme lack of education.
Looking back on human history, everytime there was this much rampant ignorance there was a heavy handed religious institution and a strict feudal heirarchy trying to keep everyone dumb so governance was easier. Even going as far as saying the Earth wasn’t flat was enough for someone to be declared a witch and burned at the stake or imprisoned for the rest of their life.
And considering how strict the hierarchy was here for non magic users, Elijah knew they would be super fucked if they weren’t careful. The last thing they needed was to be branded as heretics and hunted down because they spread some knowledge that upset the current power base.
They had been lucky with the Deacon seeing how the man single mindedly pursued his craft with an obsessive zeal and cared for little else…
But, that wasn’t very true for anyone else.
Ignoring the bickering in the background, Elijah turned inward trying to strategize their next moves forward and their long term play. However, he found creating a sufficient roadmap to be quite difficult due to the fact that they were just aimless wandering around.
One large point of contention was finally figuring out what he wanted from this place now that he was most likely stuck here for good…
Money? Women? Power?
Those all nice and dandy, but that could hardly be considered a long term motivator for not only himself but for Bennett.
Elijah's eyes opened wide as a strong sense of Deja Vu slammed into him and sent him down a crazy nostalgia trip. He had been here before, a year after he got out of the military and needed to find a direction for himself and Rika.
“Same shit, different hole .” Elijah quipped with a small smile while looking at Bennett.
The engineer replied by simply raising his mug in a distant cheer and killed whatever was left in it. He didn’t know what was going through his captain's head, but he recognized he was probably planning something out and was soon going to come to a conclusion.
“What we really need is…” Elijah muttered to himself while tapping on the table with his finger. ”Is a crew.”
“Pardon?” Azeline asked, turning her attention to the man.
Falling silent at the inquiry, Elijah then stared at the woman intensely with the look of contemplation on his face.
This in turn, made Azeline shift uncomfortably and felt like every inch of her being was being scrutinized in minute detail. The woman went to open her mouth to ask just what his problem was, but Elijah spoke first.
“Do you want to be a part of our crew?” He asked with a serious look on his face.
Azeline fell silent and stared back with an equally intense look.
“Are...? Are you serious?.” She asked, placing her mug on the table and folding her hands on her lap. “My problems, become your problems.”
Elijah looked away and brushed his beard while he considered the implications of her problems becoming their problems. His thoughts lingered back to their first meetings and the bodies that surrounded the area she was camped at.
That was definitely a point of contention... However, she has turned out to be not only powerful, but reliable, knowledgeable about their surroundings and most importantly; they got along.
“And we’ll kill ‘em.” He said bluntly to Azelines surprise.
“Any disagreement?” Elijah looked over at Bennett who just slammed his cup three times on the table as a sign of affirmation.
Elijah nodded, turned his body towards Azeline and held out his hand.
“We don’t have a ship yet and we’re penniless, but welcome aboard to Kraken Logistics, formerly known as The Kraken Group.” He said, giving her a former offer.
Azeline stood there and stared at the hand that was hovering in front of her, wondering what kind of strange ritual she was looking at. She also had to consider if this was what she really wanted to do considering the majority of the time she worlds alone.
But something compelled her to reach forth and take the hand.
“I’m glad to be… aboard?” Azeline accepted the offer with a head tilt, unsure how to properly respond.
Bennett slammed the table with his hand and shot up, grabbing the pitcher in order to pour it into the Azelines close to the empty mug.
“WELCOME TO THE GREATEST AND SHITTIEST GROUPS OF MERCENARIES YOU’LL EVER BE AROUND!” He yelled, switching the pitcher to Elijah’s mug and then his own.
Both the men shot to their feet and lifted their mugs into the air and waited for Azeline to do the same before slamming them together and letting out a cheer.
“We drink and eat tonight!” Elijah yelled and while sitting back down “For tomorrow! Tomorrow we have our first job on this shithole planet!”
Azeline sat back down, not completely understanding what she just did.
There was a reason why she tended to work alone or at most, temporarily with another ragtag group of freelancers. With people came baggage and with baggage, came sometimes violent conclusions to the problems.
People tend to leave you high and dry when it becomes convenient…
“We’ll kill ‘em, huh?” She muttered while staring at the foam at the top of her drink.
Maybe working with someone again wouldn’t be so bad.
A small smile grew on Azelines face as she lifted the drink and savored the taste with her new found comrades. She decided she may as well enjoy this pleasant feeling while it lasted, because she knew what was to come.
She watched as Mara walked out of the kitchen doors and gave Elijah a coy smile.
“It’s going to be a looong night…” Azeline sighed, downing the rest of her ale.
-
The next morning Azeline found herself staring at the table with a vacant and tired look while drawing circles on it with her finger.
“They’re animals…” She muttered to herself.
“You get used to it.” Bennett responded, sipping out of a wooden mug.
The engineer was already up and decided it was a good time to use one of his prized tea bags to help battle against the grogginess of last night's celebration. It wasn’t everyday they got to grow their numbers, and it wouldn’t hurt to indulge every now and then.
However, they still had no way of replenishing any modern supplies they used, so he couldn’t indulge often.
Although, he did wonder how the local teas taste.
“You’re USED to it?” Azeline asked incredulously “This happens OFTEN?”
Being the very first person that was recruited into Elijah’s private contracting group, Bennett liked to think he had a good grip on his captain's quirks and this was indeed a constant. Out of the 10 years he’s known the man, the loud… copulation was the standard.
He couldn’t remember a time where Elijah’s habits ever stopped other than the year his lover left him along with the rest of their crew after a complete disaster of a job.
WIth a few ruthless decisions, Elijah managed to get them all out of there alive, but at the cost of everyone going their own way.
Sometimes It doesn’t matter how good or smart you are… sometimes things just go to shit. Bennett scowled and took another sip of his warm tea.
“Yep, and expect it to get worse now that there's elves and catgirls.” He finally replied after taking another sip.
Thunk
Azeline’s forehead made contact with the table in penance for foolishing accepting an offer to work with such an absurd man.
“Good mornin’ Y’all!” Mara said with a cheery voice. “Porridge?”
“Yes please.” Bennett replied without tearing his eyes from his datapad.
Turning her head with her face still to the table, Azeline saw Mara walking past them with an obvious limp towards the kitchen. A hollow expression was spread all over Azeline’s face as she wondered what in the actual fuck they’ve done in order to leave the dog eared woman LIMPING the next day.
But then the woman scowled at remembering the banging and howling throughout the night and thought it was best she didn’t know.
Just as the irritation was rising, she heard someone pull a stool out from underneath the table and take a seat right next to her.
“You’re a fiend.” Was all the Azeline said, not even bothering to look at who sat next to her.
“Thank you?” Not knowing how to answer the insult that came out of nowhere, Elijah simply shrugged and scooched closer to the table.
Azeline slowly lifted her head to give her new comrade a tired glare before twisting her head away from him with a harrumph. Not only was her sleep disturbed last night, she was forced to stay up to deal with the frustrations of not being able to indulge in similar carnal pleasures.
While this FIEND had a beastkin partner to tend to him, there was nothing but Ferfolk slaves or bumbling village idiots and there was no way in hell she’ll sleep with her companions.
That always ended in disaster.
“Mmmmm! Welp, let's get some food and we’ll start off with some recon of our AO.” Elijah let out a satisfying groan as he stretched out his arms
Pulling out his datapad, Elijah placed it face up on the table and projected an upward facing picture of the small cabin they were going to reconnoiter.
“As you can see, we have several avenues and a lot of foliage to provide concealment when we approach the target building.” Elijah lazily started explaining while drawing red lines on the projected map with his finger. “I’ve also already mapped two overwatch positions to cover our approach once we’ve collected enough intel to make our assault easier.”
“Here, and here.” Elijah highlighted two hills that had a direct sight line to the cabin. “But I’d like to confirm our VIP is in there before we make a hit.”
“Any questions?”
Elijah moved his datapad over to the side as a wide-eyed Ferfolk maid placed a large pot of porridge on the table along with 3 bowls.
“Yes…” Azeline slowly brought up her hand in a lazy fashion. “What's an AO?”
“... Area of Operation.” Elijah replied, giving her his own incredulous look. “Any REAL questions?”
Bennett threw his hand in the air, while shoveling porridge into his mouth.
“Nom, nom… What are we gonna do about the girl?” He made everyone wait until he finished chewing.
…
“What?” Elijah threw his hand up slightly wondering what random bullshit was coming out of his engineer's mouth this time.
The engineer didn’t even bother clarifying on what he meant and simply threw his thumb over his shoulder, pointing at the entrance. And in the doorway stood a skinny red headed elf woman who was nervously fidgeting while eyes darted all around the room in search of danger.
“Ah, shit… I forgot about that...” Elijah said, smothering his hand with his face.
