asswolf
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(THERE'S ART!!!! & PORN!!!) OH FUCK THERES SO MANY MESSAGES HERE
🕑 Added 2020-05-30 19:52:02 +0000 UTCOH NOOOO oh hhhh im sorry oh my god lol
OK I NEED TO SEND A LOT OF PEOPLE THE PIC OF STRETCH MARKS ON MY BUTT LIKE I PROMISED
ok like its not an excuse but maybe its an explanation at least lol. im trying to be more open about my stupid Disorder because its really shitty to have to deal with being ghosted and like, i don't actually want to ghost people! but i've got avoidant personality disorder and it's like uhh
basically dms are the worst possible thing for me because i have to click thru to see the message and because it's one-on-one i just feel like i'm gonna get bullied and i assume every message is saying that i suck lollll
like i don't Logically think this but when i'm stressed the stupid avpd Brain Stuff comes out a bit more and like if you've been following me on twitter i've been talking about being a girl more and stuff
LETS GET TO KNOW THE ARTIST PATERON
i posted a big thread that my friends liked where i was kind of stoned and talking about parts of my weird life like being a girl with a hormonal problem and a penis and getting bullied a lot and having a bad home life and stuff. that thread is here if you're curious. i tried hanging out with strippers for a while because i've always wanted to be like an asswolf stripper baically. like not at their house. i had cold pizza with them once. they were ok with me
also if you really want, i took some glamour makeup shots like, on like day 2 of hrt or something lol. i just started hrt basically. i'm on my first month's bottle still. i'm getting the refill this coming week i think. here are those
and uhh here's me in a facemask i guess and needing a shower. and no makeup. more boring. it's more goth looking maybe. it's kinda grimy and dark lol. here is that
here's me looking more showered but similar. this is more recent. less than a month of hrt tho. i've always looked pretty femmy. i'm pretty fortunate i guess. a lot of cis women don't look very femmy but they get less scrutiny for it
here's a drawing i did of dysphoria at physical therapy for my arthritis problem i have at age 28 lol. i started getting it at like age 25 and it's been so mismanaged by my shit doctor who also fucked me over re: starting hrt until i told her to fuck off and went to planned parenthood lol
here's some art my gf did of my personal sona, tori. victoria, me, looks like vic here, because he is my old sona. he is not going away. he is important in kilovolt and he's hot but he was always a character. the male persona i had irl was a character too lol. tori is fun to me.. she's hella's mortalsona. she totally ripped off vic's markings. i'm hella too! hella was made to be my sona
heres a dollmaker thing my friend made of me. it was me then given more freedom and its going to be me now because all im missing is like the gloves etc
does anybody else like msi lol. did it mean a lot to you as a kid. are you also queer or trans or anything. lol
uhhh oh yeah my gf drew me some art. just so nobody messages me and asks like, she has a personal twitter that isn't super hard to figure out but like, i don't know any secret treasure troves of art and people always ask me TwwwT like i'm an artist too and i feel bad about my art. like don't make me compare and feel sad hehe TwT ty!
anyway they're really good drawings of me hehe... here goes
god i wanna find the original of this one. i look so like. its so funny to me but its kind of uncomfy because i dont just look like a girl i look like, underage lol. i look like im like 16 in this pic lol. im 28
it meant so much to me around xmas this year. i had like 2 days of stubble. i remember that day so well, driving back from my brother's with my parents and we stopped in a mcallister's deli in o'fallon illinois. the guy working there came up to our table and from a slight distance addressed me like
"can i take your order ma'am"
and then came up and was like "oh, sorry, my daughter--"
i remember this so well because i think about it obsessively. i wonder what this person's daughter looks like. is she pretty? i wondered then. when i was trying to be a boy people thought i was pretty. it didn't feel like anything then. it feels like something when people compliment me now
but he was standing too close and i was with my parents and i guess people get their feelings hurt when they get misgendered so people apologize. just not when it's my parents, to me. i don't care tho lol
like think about that. they saw that happen. i had face stubble to the point that *that's* the only thing that gave me away and i was subconsciously *trying* to be a boy
and i've thought i'm over all this stupid shit like, repressing how girly i am, but just a couple days ago my dad threw my mail into a litter box for me to retrieve. well, next to it, so gracefully, into the worst possible place you could toss somebody's mail from a distance and still have plausible deniability to your spouse
it's just like, i don't care. i just want to ridicule them to my followers lol. aren't they stupid? tell me how stupid my parents are. my brother too. he told me to wait to start crossdressing. i wanted to say i've been crossdressing for almost 30 years in a weird pathetic imitation of you because i have no idea how boys are supposed to dress lol. like fuck off dude lol
anyway im like, yeah. that's what's going on with me. i haven't been drawing a ton because of this. and now you know way much about me lol. that's my vent twitter account i linked in case you don't recognize it. i definitely post a lot and i do vent a lot tbh
anyway, thanks for all the support, as always. i love you all <3 <3 <3
~tori (or victoria, or oriole! vic will be cool in a while again but i've been getting super misgendered irl so i gotta take a break from being called vic for a bit i think lol... victoria is my irl name so like, that's extra funny to me whenever i hear it)
Comments
Elegy
you rock! stay strong!
andross94
I'm sorry it's terrible what you have to deal with. I've never heard of avpd before but I'm glad I did because I looked it up and it really sounds like me too... I'm very scared of forming emotional connections with people and I experience a lot of pain from it. And I find it hard to express the simplest of things sometimes because I'm always in my head that I look like an idiot and people are always thinking bad things about me. DMs and phone calls can be really difficult for me too! Along with ADHD haha I just find it hard to come to grips with my own emotional state and where I am most of the time but I'm here to say I hear you and really feel you and I understand and I'm happy to be here and support you! Keep up everything fantastic you do!!
