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EARLY ACCESS: STORMWEAVER 2 - Chapter 27 v3 [ROUGH] (yes, THAT chapter lololol)

🕑 Added 2023-06-06 23:53:55 +0000 UTC

Comments

Nikola Vadim

Thanks I live under a rock so I don't know anything about reddit except for the links here.

Adam

Reddit changed their API pricing from free to exorbitant. This is forcing all the third party apps (Reddit is Fun, Apollo, etc) to shut down at the end of the month. A lot of subreddits are going private for at least 48 hours in protest.

Nikola Vadim

Guess I'm out of the loop, why did the reddit go private?

Hi! so my point is exactly that they’re 18, but seems like they’re an old couple where they know each other extremely well Other than that there still is the fact that she is dating her best friend’s “bully” and nobody seemed unfazed by that

Richard Jackway

I think it's an interesting rewrite. Logan is a 'hothead' because he utterly hates cowards and hates fake people (due to his fathers action). Viv is another 'hothead' who is intensely loyal to her friends no matter what. I think them being attracted to each other, and falling fast for each other is entirely natural. But this takes a while to realise this and is frustrating until you do...so I'd consider adding Logans perspective of Viv earlier in the book, like after she went Beserk in the Team Battle "he'd never seen someone so headstrong nor attrractive in that moment"

Gama

Posted the same day as Waybound. This is a great week. Huge Thumbs up all around!

Lyn Shirley

Also I fell in love with an 18 year old boy when I was 16 years old, and 59 years we are still together with children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. When your love is right and you work hard to keep it growing it is glorious.

Lyn Shirley

They are 18 years old. Sexual attraction at this age is super high and super fast. This chapter shows there is intelligence going on there too. Sure they are teens so there is anxiety, doubt, and being unsure of the future. But this chapter lets the reader vicariously feel/understand/remember, depending on the reader’s age, those highly hormonal years. Think Romeo and Juliet. They were all in, so much so that they killed themselves when they thought or learned they had lost their partner to death. Sure that too is a story, but the emotions hold true even in 2023.

K Cianci

And then the other very small feedback which would probably be fixed in editing/revising anyways is he is referred to as both Logan and Grant in the narration for this chapter, wouldn't it just be Logan since it's a scene between just the two of them. I can't wait to buy the book to show my support!!

K Cianci

her, he mentioned even if it was Dyrk Reese or Mateus Selleck, but wouldn't that have no effect on Aria's perception of Viv since they all don't like them?

K Cianci

Very subtle rewrite. I like the progression of their relationship and helps to build both characters. Only a couple of minute feedback comments. one about a comment that seemed confusing to me - when Logan said it would have to take Viv setting someone on fire for Aria to consider replacing

gratch42

It didn’t feel fast to me. We’re informed in other places they’ve had some very private relationship going on for a while and that when it’s just them Logan is a very different person. And Viv is surprised by his actions a bit in this scene. To me this is an insight moment to their previously unseen interactions so I have no preconceptions about how far along they are or should be when together.

Aubrey Listi

So, in my experience, sometimes that just happens. You click with someone and you understand large portions of how they work because it just makes sense to you, or it mirrors your own, or youre just able to see the others point of view so easily. Especially when youre actively going through therapy, youre kind of trained to watch out for certain things in yourself and you cant help but look at those closest to you similarly. It's something I've experienced with a few relationships, a sort of intrinsic understanding.

Every time I give feedback I try to say what I like and where I can see improvement, hopefully you don’t see me as overly critical What I like: the conversation is much more natural, and it shows that they care for one another. It shows emotional intelligence by Logan, not something his is known for, and while I think this could contradict his overall description (hot headed) I like it because it kinda gives more dimensionality to his character What I think could improve: their relationship is too artificial, it got to a place that’s almost perfect too fast (almost out of nowhere). And I fail to understand the why, what brings these two together so fast and so intensely? I could expand on the what I think it could improve, but I don’t want to seem too harsh or critical

jacob shlagel

I think Viv asks dent for simulation control I think she is so desperate to catch up she wants to let sims beat the crap out of her like they did to Rei

Wraithmarked Creative

At some point in the future 😁 -Bryce

ryan

Seems to fit their personalities better.

Lori

It’s perfect. Soooooo when is book three coming out? No rush 🫣😃😃😁

Lyn Shirley

Intense people, intense interaction but lots of heart. 👍🏼

gratch42

Better put now. I’d say with these changes any thoughts that Viv asked Dent for more training is at 85% and Viv asking Dent to leave school has dropped to 4%. 🤪

David Carpenter

Fantastic update to the story line. It fits with the overall flow and really delivers the point of the chapter. I like the changes. Thanks for sharing.