SL Kassidy
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New Tricks chapter 4/15
🕑 Added 2022-06-01 23:01:22 +0000 UTCI don’t own these characters; Disney/ABC does.
4: Stress Relief
Emma had to hold in a fit of giggles as Regina’s face turned almost purple with rage. She had not been expecting Emma to agree to being a pet. Well, she wanted to give a cop out answer on Emma staying, but now the ball was back in her court. Let’s see what you got.
“You’re really going to accept being my pet after your proud and fiery speech on how you can take care of yourself and you don’t need handouts and you’re not a stray?” Regina asked.
“Yup. Obviously I was wrong and can’t take care of myself.” Emma nodded toward her used dishes to prove her point. There’s no way in Hell she’ll go along with this. She has to hate me after what I did. It was one thing to keep Emma alive through bad weather, but it was quite another thing to keep her indefinitely in any way, shape, or form.
Regina’s jaw tightened and a fire blazed in her eyes. Pure fury never looked so sexy before. “Fine. I’ll adopt you, as a pet mind you.” Regina held up a rigid finger. “But, before anything else you have to tell me how you were getting in here.” The way her eyes glimmered, with a dash of hope in deep brown, Regina must have thought this was a deal breaker.
Emma scoffed. “Done.” That was easy. “Hell, I’ll make sure no one can break in here ever again.”
A soft huff escaped Regina, like she was defeated. “And you do realize I mean pet in the same way I’d keep a parrot?”
“Emma want a cracker.” She sat up tall and grinned. She had to see how long Regina could keep this up. Probably about a week. If that.
A vien popped up from Regina’s forehead, ready to burst. It was kind of cute. “No, if you’re a pet, you get a new name like any other adopted pet.”
For a moment, Emma’s will faltered and she frowned, but she caught herself and did her best to look bored. She had lived through people seriously trying to rename her, reshape her, make her something they deemed “better.” But, Regina’s not doing that. She’s just trying to chase you off. She wants you to blink first. Don’t. So, Emma’s grin returned.
“Fine, new pet name,” Emma conceded. What else? Do you get to pick the pet or do I? I’d make a pretty cute kitten.” She winked.
Regina’s nostrils flared. She was getting more pissed by the second and it was hilarious. “You don’t get to pick. Pets don’t pick.”
“I feel like you never had a pet,” Emma said. Regina glanced away and Emma gasped. She could not believe it. “What? No pets? Come on, at least a hamster. I even had a hamster.” It was not for very long, but still, it was enough for her to believe every little kid got a pet for a little while.
“I…” Regina took a breath. “I had a horse, but he didn’t feel like a pet.” She frowned a little for a moment, like reliving a bad memory.
Wow. Emma always thought of horses as things rich people own and she never thought of Regina as “rich.” Yeah, she had the house and everything, but nothing screamed “wealth” to her to the level of having a horse. Of course, she did not know Regina. Spending months raiding someone’s kitchen did not mean she knew a thing about the person. Maybe I should blink. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. No, there’s no way this is worse than a lot of places you’ve lived. Make her kick you out.
Regina shook her head. “Anyway, if you’re going to be my pet, in the most non-sexual meaning of the phrase, you’ll have to follow my rules.”
Emma snorted and rolled her eyes. “What makes you think I think of you in a sexual way?”
Regina pursed her lips, like she just knew how damn sexy she was. She probably had men and women following her around like a puppy, like Emma might be on her way to doing. “As I said, non-sexual and there are rules.”
Emma caught her frown this time, but she folded her arms across her chest. “Which are?” Just run now. Not that she could with two feet of snow outside and her car dead and buried.
Regina rubbed her chin with her index finger as a frown settled on her face and grew deeper with every passing second. “Well, I don’t know right now. I’ve never kept a pet. I’ll have to look it up.”
Okay, wasn’t expecting that. Emma laughed as she relaxed again. Got scared for a second. “You’ll be in for a treat when you google ‘human pet.’”
Regina wagged a finger at her. “I won’t be doing that, but I will look up proper pet care. This should be an authentic experience for me since I never had the pleasure of owning a pet.”
Emma smirked. “I could make it a pleasure.” She purred. Well, that probably blew it, but I’m having a lot of fun with her.
Regina narrowed her gaze. “Keep it up and you’ll be an outside pet. I’ll order a dog house for you.”
Okay, not offended enough to kick me out. Noted. Emma scoffed. “You’d probably buy me one that’s nicer than my car. And…” She made a show of looking around. “Where’s my little pet corner to sleep in? Oh, do I get a pet bed? Those things look comfortable.”
Regina curled her lip. “Corner? You could just take a guest room.”
Her hospitality beats out her desire to be malicious and get rid of me. Emma could hardly comprehend that. People did not want her to stick around unless they wanted something from her. Well, Regina did want something from her, but could get it without going further than letting Emma stay in the house.
“Pets get guest rooms?” Emma asked. She would love a room of her own, but the way this was so clearly grating on Regina’s nerves and she refused to bend. This was just too fun.
“Fine!” Regina shot up from her seat and marched over to what appeared to be a closet, as it was a different color from the wall, like dark wood, but it blended so well with the decor that could have easily been the wall. It was adjacent to the television and there were shelves on the side of it, holding pictures, books, and other household baubles. She pulled the sliding door to the side to reveal a small room.
Emma gasped. “You have a secret room? Do you use it to kidnap hobos? Oh, my god, are you going to fatten me up and then eat me?” She wanted to go look, but she refused to give up her blanket nest just yet. These blankets are fucking amazing. From what she could see it was a small, empty room with curtained windows continuing from the large windows of the front of the living room.
Regina scowled, unamused. “Yes, I kidnap hobos and fatten them up before turning them into meat pies.”
Emma glanced down at herself, opening the blankets just enough to see how thin she was. She had seen better days. “I’m not fat enough to be a meat pie, yet.”
“No, it could take weeks.”
“Or months,” Emma said to see if that length of time pushed the limits.
Regina shrugged, like that was no big deal. “However long it takes.”
Emma nodded, speechless. Her stay was open, indefinite. No, don’t believe that. People welcome you with open arms all the time only to throw you away later. Eventually, Regina would get sick of her or would do something to push her too far and it would be over.
“After I research pet care, I’ll buy you items for the space, but for now consider it your stable,” Regina said.
Emma guffawed. “My stable. That’s my crate and you know it.”
Regina’s face was blank. “Crate?”
“Like for dogs?” Ema facepalmed. “Okay, yeah, you need to do pet research. Maybe it’ll be my nest,” she said and Regina’s face was still blank. “You know, because I’m a swan. Emma Swan.” Wow.
Regina groaned. “Yes, I think I’ll look into pet care as soon as possible.”
“Until then, I’m a couch surfing cat who needs a nap.” While she felt better, she was still sick and quite exhausted.
“So more soup for dinner?”
“I think I could handle something a little heavier.”
“I’ll make some pasta then.”
“Sounds good.” She doubted she had ever eaten this good and this was just soup, pasta, and hot cereal. Just based on the food, this was the best decision she ever made. And all I had to do was almost die.
“Do you have a preference?”
“Nope. As long as it’s food, I’m good.” Emma burrowed into her blankets, throwing the thicker one over her head. She sighed and closed her eyes. She would enjoy this while it lasted.
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Regina retreated to the kitchen, silently cursing herself. The last thing she wanted was an indefinite houseguest, but now she had one. One she had to take care of to boot. How the hell did this even happen?She had been so sure the pet thing would send Emma running, despite the weather. Emma was so insulted when she tried to help before that it seemed like she would get punched in the face for even suggesting Emma be her pet. Instead, Emma accepted, and continued to accept even as she escalated the situation. She needed to do something so offensive that Emma never came back. Well, after she tells you how she got in here all of those times.
Regina shook it off for now, getting into her cooking groove. It would help her calm down after almost bursting a vein every time that damn girl agreed to being her pet. It was like she got hustled. Is that what happened? You let someone who was barely smart enough to get out of a snow storm hustle you. She had to be some special kind of idiot. No, stop. focus on the meal.
She glided across the kitchen and worked her magic, as Maleficent liked to call it. They were both talented at cooking, but Maleficent helped her hone her talent into a skill. Now, she cooked for fun, but also with precision, and she did both damn well. She wanted to do so much more with her cooking, though.
She enjoyed cooking like she had enjoyed riding horses. Unfortunately, she would never get on a horse again, but this cooking thing was in her bones now. It was enough to pull her away from the path her mother and Gold had set her on. Well, starting pulling her away. She was not in the clear just yet.
“No, no, no. Happy place.” She refocused on the meal. Creamy chicken pasta with spinach and tomatoes should be good. Emma did not seem like she got a lot of vegetables in her diet, so might as well do that while she could. She would also make some toasted bread once everything was done.
Once everything was on, she went back to her chair and picked up her laptop. Glancing at the pile of blankets, she had to assume Emma was under there and asleep. That was good. She was still sick, after all.
Regina took the time to start researching things she would need for keeping a pet. If she was going to do it, she would do it right. Not to mention, she would need help on figuring out what was the one thing that might take things too far and therefore get Emma out of her house. She would need to do something before Robin dropped by unexpectedly, a poor habit of his.
Most of the things were common sense and some did not apply. No, she would not be taking Emma to the doctor, but yes she could feed her every day and make sure she had enough water. She could not tag Emma, but a simple collar and leash might be insulting enough to get the transient out of her house. Or she could take it another way, despite the fact that you keep insisting this is non-sexual. But, it should be fine if she picked a pet-friendly color. So, no black. She would also have to be serious when she brought it up. Any sign of weakness, Emma would assume it was a joke and just accept it, then she would have to take things a step further. She was not sure how much she could escalate this if Emma kept thinking she was joking. On to the next thing.
She was not sure what she would do about the regular exercise and stimulus part of pet care. She would write it down to bring up, but only circle back to it if Emma was serious about staying. The same with “at-home care,” which included hygiene and grooming, although she would not mind putting a brush to Emma’s hair. It needed attention. It’s probably lovely with proper care.
Then there was having a cozy habitat. Well, that was on the way to being taken care of. What was once supposed to be her reading nook was now Emma’s “crate.” No, she made a point. Maybe it’s a nest. Hopefully, Emma would get more use out of it than she did. If Emma stayed, she would have to work on making it “cozy.” Right now, it’s best feature was the wooden bench built in by the window, put there for her and a child who never materialized to enjoy reading together and maybe later on other stationary activities. But, again, no child and her heart sank. Nope, don’t do this.
She would have to wait and see what sort of “training and socialization” Emma needed. Her communication skills definitely needed work. And the last thing she saw was about playtime and exercise. Another thing she would consider once she saw if Emma really planned to stay.
Notes taken, she checked on the food and put on more tea for Emma. Then, she put the bread on. She plated the pasta, poured herself a glass of wine, and moved things to the coffee table with more trips than she liked, but she could not risk spilling hot tea or buttered bread. Then, she turned her attention to the blanket mass.
Regina could not recall which end was Emma’s head. She did not want to touch the wrong end. She was not sure how Emma might react. What had a life of living in her car and begging to be adopted taught her about being taken from her sleep? Regina had punched Robin once when he woke her from a nightmare and that was only the most recent thing.
“Dinner is ready,” Regina said instead of touching Emma.
Emma popped up. “Food?” She smacked her lips together and rubbed one eye with the heel of her hand.
“And tea.” Regina sat back down in her arm chair.
“Yum.” Emma shifted closer to the table without giving up a cover. “This looks good. Are you a chef or something?”
“Or something.” Regina thought it was a little odd Emma did not ask what the meal was, but that probably was not important when food was scarce. “So, I’ve been looking up things I need for a pet if you’re still interested.” She said this casually to make it seem like this was not a big deal to her. She took a sip of her wine and smirked.
“If you’re still offering.” Emma then shoved some food into her face. She moaned as she chewed around a giant lump in her cheek.
Regina controlled her face. This waif gave up no ground. “Fine. So, several of these will be determined on how serious you are about this. If I buy things for your care and you abandon the position, I promise I will hunt you down and destroy you.”
Emma nodded and swallowed before she spoke. “I believe you. At the moment, I have no reason to abandon the position, as you put it. It’s not like there’s a better offer coming along.” She snickered and then shoved more food into her mouth.
That was probably true. “Then, if you’re sure you’re staying we can start pet shopping for you after dinner.” She studied Emma to see if her face changed, but Emma just continued chewing, almost smiling as she did so.
Emma nodded. “Okay. It’s been a while since someone’s shopped for me.” She took a sip of her tea. “So, what’s my pet name? You know, in case I need a personalized doggy dish or something.”
Regina ground her teeth together. Somehow, this was a con, but she could not see how. Obviously Emma got a free place to live and food, but Emma did not seem to want that upon their first meeting. This was the exact opposite of what Emma showed her before.
She studied Emma like a spreadsheet at work, looking at every little detail. There was color to her face now that she was clean and warm, no longer the frozen urchin. Her hair that had seemed so dull last night had little golden sparkle to it and would probably shine like spun gold if it was washed, combed, and brushed. And most of all, underneath that tough attitude was someone who wanted to be adopted, someone who wanted to be wanted. But, I don’t want her.
“You’re my Ugly Duckling,” Regina decided.
Emma blinked. “Excuse me?” she said around a mouthful of pasta.
“You heard me. Is it a problem?” Regina arched an eyebrow. Maybe she hit a nerve. Maybe now that fiery pride Emma first had would resurface and this would be the end of this nonsense.
Emma gritted her teeth and swallowed. It was surprising she did not choke. “It’s fine.”
“Are you sure?” Regina pressed. Maybe if she leaned on Emma a little, she would collapse.
“It’s fine.” Emma shoved another forkful in her mouth. She hummed as she chewed and her eyes were bright.
“Okay, so from now on you’re my Ugly Duckling. Duckling for short,” Regina said.
“Good thing I like yellow,” Emma replied with a shrug, as if this was all no big deal.
Regina’s mouth twitched, but she caught her frown. She would not let this damned vagabond get the better of her. Although, it was nice to see someone delighting in her cooking who was not four years old. Oh, don’t even, considering she’d probably eat macaroni and cheese from a box with just as much happiness, just like Roland. “Since you’re staying we’ll mix houseguest rules with pet rules.”
Emma groaned. “Of course there’s rules.”
“Yes, this is my home and I won’t have you destroy it with careless or thoughtless behavior. So, first and foremost, my kitchen is off limits. I will destroy you, Emma Swan, without an ounce of regret if you disturbed a single thing in my kitchen.”
“What? Come on. What about if you’re at work and I get hungry?” Emma motioned down to her food, which was almost gone. She would probably eat Regina out of house and home.
“That’s acceptable, but touch the bare minimum of things inside the kitchen when I’m not here.”
Emma saluted with her fork. “Yes, Master Chef.”
Regina glared at her. “I’m not kidding.”
Emma straightened. “Okay, got it. You’re not going to go crazy on the rules, are you?”
“I like an orderly home.”
Emma laughed. “You really have never had a pet, huh?”
“Pets are animals who can’t fully comprehend.”
“So, I’m a houseguest, then?”
“No,” Regina said sharply. “You agreed to be my pet.”
“Yes, I did. I think you need to watch some pet videos to fully understand what a pet is and what they do.”
Regina frowned, but quickly schooled her features. She really had no clue how pets worked, but she could not let Emma know that. She would ask Maleficent. She had a raven. Sort of.
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Emma was not too sure about this pet thing because Regina did not seem very clear on what she wanted. During dinner, she never even finished going over all of the other pet things she researched, too upset once Emma pointed out she was a houseguest with the way Regina was talking. That did not seem like a good sign, but Regina helped her set up her “nest,” since she was the Ugly Duckling.
The name definitely hurt. All her life she felt like the ugly duckling and Regina managed to see it in one prolonged interaction, which just validated her fears. She was the ugly duckling, unwanted and unlovable. Except Regina seemed to want her in a weird way. She could have put Emma out at any point, but instead gave Emma a room.
The room, as she looked around it from her space on its hardwood floor aided by street lights pouring in through the window, reminded her of a walk-in closet. While she had never seen one in person, she had seen enough on television to have a general idea of those closets. It was big enough for her to lay down in, which she would do on her pile of comfortable blankets. But, there was a bench in front of the window that was long and wide enough to lie on. Regina made the suggestion, but did not explain why the heck there was a bench there in the first place or what this little room was really for. For now, it was Emma’s.
Emma rolled around for a moment, just to take in her space, her own little kingdom. This should be enough to get her to stay. Emma did not have a single memory of having a space that was totally her own, beyond maybe a bed. Her car could count, but only after her prison time. Before that, she even shared the bug. Regina told her that this room was hers and had no idea how huge that was for her.
But, that should also make Emma leave. She could leave with the image of Regina being pure and kind to her. She could hold onto the memory of someone caring about her before it all went to shit and it would all go to shit, as everything always did. But, that would not be right to Regina, who had given her so much in one night.
Yeah, but she did that as an attempt to get rid of you. But, that was not true. The pet thing was to get rid of her. Everything else was genuine. Regina made oatmeal, tea, and homemade soup to help her while she was sick. Regina took her out of freezing rain and snow. Regina did not have to do any of that. Hell, Regina did not even need to make the pet offer. Regina could have thrown her out as soon as the snow stopped, but she did not.
“She’s been really nice, even though it’s obvious she doesn’t want to be,” Emma said.
She looked around the room again. Opposite the window and bench was a wall with shelf space up half of it, like to store shoes or books. At the back wall there were two parallel poles, like to hang clothes. There were shelves up top as well. Maybe this was a walk-in closet, but it was weird for it to be at the end of the living room and it took up space in the living room, even though there was space to spare.
“I’ll play it by ear for now. She’s being nice to me and I don’t want to run out on her again. Besides, I still have to show her how I get in and out of here. I owe her that much,” Emma said to the air.
So with her decision made for now, she snuggled up in the fluffy blanket and three pillows Regina gave her. This was great. She would just appreciate the good fortune before the other shoe dropped.
Maybe I could do something nice for her. Emma was not sure what, but hopefully something would come to her. She drifted off to sleep, feeling completely relaxed for the first time in a long time.
Emma woke refreshed and healthy. She took in a deep breath and just enjoyed having a clear chest. She ventured out of her nest to the dark house. A clock on the cable box told her it was nearly seven in the morning. She could faintly hear light movement upstairs. Regina was probably up. Why?
Emma did not think too hard on the question and made her way to the kitchen. Her stomach grumbled. She was pretty familiar with the kitchen, so she could handle a little breakfast. Regina might like some breakfast, too. She grabbed a couple of eggs to scramble and a couple of slices of bread for toast. Easy enough… yet she burnt the toast.
“Why does it smell like something is burning down here?” Regina demanded in a roar as she descended the stairs.
Emma yelped and remembered the only rule they went over last night. She was not supposed to touch anything in the kitchen, just like so many foster homes. And now, she was probably out of here like so many foster homes.
“What the hell did you do?” Regina stormed into the kitchen like a force of nature in a power suit, high heels, and makeup done so well Emma was halfway convinced she was dreaming. How the hell can someone look so hot so early in the damn morning?
“I was just trying to make breakfast,” Emma said.
“That pan isn’t for eggs and you’ve managed to burn toast! Go back to your nest!” Regina pointed into the living room. “I’ll handle breakfast.”
Emma rushed off and it was not until she was in her blanket pile she realized Regina basically sent her to her room instead of kicking her out. She was not sure what that was about. But, she stayed out of sight until Regina called her.
“Duckling, breakfast is on the table, the actual table. I have work,” Regina said.
“Work?” Emma stepped out of the room. “But, the snow.” She looked out of the window.
“The streets were cleared. When I get in, we’ll have your car towed here, if you’re still here,” Regina replied.
“I’ll be here.”
Regina looked her up and down. “We’ll see.” She opened the closet built into the staircase and grabbed her coat. “Don’t destroy anything while I’m gone.”
Emma folded her arms across her chest and glared at Regina. “I’m not an idiot.”
Regina scoffed. “The kitchen says otherwise. Go eat you breakfast while it’s warm. Lunch is in the fridge and there’s a snack from dinner last night if you can manage the microwave, which I’d rather you didn’t.”
“I’m not an idiot.”
Regina made a humming noise and walked to the door. She had a power walk, like a queen. She put her coat on with grace, wrapped her scarf on like it was a superhero cape, grabbed her purse from an end table by the door, and then picked up her briefcase from under the table. The briefcase in her grip seemed a little out of place, like it implied she worked for others when it was clear she was a boss.
“There’s tea in the thermos on the counter if you still feel sick,” Regina said and then she was gone.
Emma stood there for a long moment, feeling out of place, like she had been locked in a museum after hours. She was not supposed to be here. She should not touch anything because if she broke it, she could not afford to replace it. I should probably get out here. Forget this stupid game.
She went to grab her stuff, but caught sight of breakfast out of the corner of her eye. Maybe after breakfast she could leave. Making her way to the table, she found two pieces of buttered toast and an omelete with a small glass of orange juice. A business card was in front of the glass.
“Regina Mills,” Emma said aloud as she rolled the card through her fingers. The name sounded a little familiar, but she could not place it. The card had Regina’s number, probably for work. There looked like there was an email address there, but it was crossed out with a pen to the point she could not read it. It was like she wanted Emma to be in contact with her if something happened. Weird. Regina was taking this game in a direction Emma could not completely grasp.
Emma enjoyed the simple breakfast; the eggs had a nice kick to them. Something more than the regular salt and pepper was used. After devouring breakfast and gulping down the juice, Emma had every intention to leave, but she was tired. She felt worn out. So, she returned to her blanket pile.
After she woke up from her nap, it was after noon. She was way more tired than she ever would have fathomed. She took the two sandwiches out of the fridge and the thermos of tea from the counter. She retreated to her nest and had lunch. The tea was still warm, not hot, but she was not picky and then she fell asleep again. By the time she woke up the sun was setting. It would be dangerous to leave now, dark and cold. Besides, you still have to show Regina that thing. She could not leave yet.
Regina returned home an hour after that. Emma poked her head out of the room to see Regina flop onto the couch. She looked worn out, head thrown back on the sofa cushions and feet tucked under her to the side.
What would a good pet do? Emma slipped out of her space as quietly as possible and made her way to the couch. Regina glanced at her and smiled. That emboldened her enough to lay her head in Regina’s lap. Regina gasped.
“You can pet me,” Emma said.
The air was still for a long moment and then gentle fingers went through Emma’s hair. It was nice and Emma wished she took better care of her hair. Fingertips danced across her scalp, soft and soothing. Her eyes drifted shut.
“Are you feeling better?” Regina asked.
“Yeah, the food and tea helped and I was able to get a lot of sleep that I didn’t know I needed.”
“That’s good.”
“How was your day?”
Regina sighed. “I’m surrounded by idiots. It feels like I spend the day putting out fires.” There was a moment of silence. “I’d like to brush your hair.”
“You should. People brush their pets all the time.” It might relax Regina and Emma owed her that much. This woman had already given her so much.
Regina hummed. “Well, I do want to be a responsible pet owner.”
“You’re off to a good start. This stray is fed, comfortable, and safe.” All true.
“Good. I guess we can work on getting things to make sure you stay that way.”
Emma did not object, even though she should leave. Maybe tomorrow. Definitely after she showed Regina how she got in, just for Regina’s peace of mind.
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Next time: Regina gets settled in as a pet owner while Emma gets settled in as a pet.
