Luxire Worse
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Dao of Fuck Off: Chapter 14 - Back to 'Civilization'
🕑 Added 2024-09-29 15:00:09 +0000 UTCOne perk that I had actually predicted encountering after my ascension was the interest to be garnered from rulers after they heard about my dinner techniques. Because really, some guy is famous for making meals taste better just by being there. What ruler isn’t going to be interested?
And as word spreads in their circles that I’m amiable by default toward anyone wishing to invite me to dinner, meeting with the ruling classes is likely to be as simple as being known in the area.
Thus, finding myself sitting in the dining hall of the court of Frost was entirely explainable. Bai Fa Nushi had heard of me on several fronts, including the return of her bell, so she sent me an invitation to meet me in person and enjoy my nature as Wancan.
Being Frost spirits, I hadn’t taken their cool manners as anything odd as we ate. Small talk was pleasant, but reserved, and I tempered my demeanor appropriately as I shared stories of my travels at request. After all, it is the host’s place to set the tone of a meal, and a guest’s to abide by it.
The little smiles and shifts of shen as I spoke were enough proof that they were enjoying the meal as much as I could hope.
But the inevitable shift to politicking arrived nonetheless. I noticed the shift in the Frost princess’ neck and noted that she’d actually taken almost half again as long to bring up business than I’d predicted.
“I notice an oddity in your tales, honored guest.” she smiled like it was an offhanded thought. “You do not mention taking spoils beyond foodstuffs.”
“A measure of caution along my path, little more.” I answered easily as she let the implications hang. “I am merely approaching what the mortals call Bronze Core strength, despite my aptitudes making my reputation rival some approaching Gold Core. So instead of hoarding everything I come across and risking the Earth taking notice, I’ve taken to letting the spoils be divided by those protected by Heaven’s dominion.”
“You do not lament the loss of strength you impose on yourself?” The chiming of her voice had a hint of steel in it.
“I spare a moment of regret regarding a few things. But I’ve never found dwelling on lost opportunities to suit me.” I admitted.
“I see...” she trailed off with a tone that indicated that she, at least, liked where she was about to take the conversation. “Brazen in your caution and unbound by others’ rules.”
A shudder that had nothing to do with the cold rippled through the rest of the attendees.
I set myself in a polite attentive stance to subtly announce that I wasn’t intimidated while I waited for her to continue her thought. Which she noticed with a tiny swirl of her lips.
As I wasn’t a mortal, she wasn’t wearing a proper human glamour, instead existing as a humanoid snow flurry. Nothing abnormal in my experience. Most spirits preferred to wear their own skin to dinner, something that I found endearing, as a beholder of many beauties.
“I understand that you’ve aggravated the Administrators to the point that they wish to bind you to the demands of a court.”
“Your highness is well informed.” I confirmed with a grin.
“How did you manage that, by the way?”
“By knowing how to file paperwork correctly without reliance on them, primarily. At least a handful of the Administrators have grown used to being the only ones capable of affecting change, so my skill at sifting through the unstated processes and navigating fees and bribes leaves them feeling encroached on.”
She nodded at the unspoken extrapolation of the setup. “And you’ve accepted a lesser obligation to ease their worry and avoid subjugation. So it is true that the proposition is a free court.”
“Your highness.” one of the braver functionaries pleaded. “Please reconsider.”
As befitting her standing as the reigning spirit of the Frost court, the cold glare she shot back was the stuff of poetry before she recomposed herself.
“I have considered at great length. The consequences are of minimal concern to me despite their severity.”
Ooh boy. That was a sentence that meant business if I’d ever heard one.
“Guang, I should like to contract your services as a mercenary.” she continued, eliciting groans from her underlings.
“I am willing to hear out your request, at least.” I responded neutrally.
She gathered her breath for a moment before asking “What rumors have you heard regarding my title?”
I thought back and came up empty, having not asked why she was the ‘princess’ instead of ‘queen’. “I fear none have had the gall to slander your highness with rumor on that matter.”
“My mother, the Frost Queen. She ruled well. She was the first ruler of the Frost.” Bai Fa Nushi’s voice wavered slightly as she spoke. “She bore me and raised me well, while being the only ruler the Frost would ever need. I was trained, honed, and let free to find my own path. As I should.”
The bile in those three words told me the story far more elegantly than words themselves could.
“Then the demonic incursion began. A great tear in the sky, fracturing it and allowing the accursed Demonic qi into the world. We won, of course, or we wouldn’t be here. Nuwa found stones that could repair the sky, and under Heaven’s guidance, the world was saved. The cost was high, and though I’ve asked everyone who fought at her side, I only know that my mother fell to the corruption.”
She steadied her churning form again with a deep breath.
“So, other than being assured that she contributed greatly to our victory, everything of her was taken from me by the incursion. Even her name, lest dwelling on it corrupt me too.
“The world was in chaos, of course. Demons, demonic spirits and demonic qi had destroyed the infrastructure and turned us against each other. The Frost was lost without mother. I stepped in and did my best. But this is not my throne.”
She stopped again, visibly restraining herself from striking the table in pain.
When she regained her composure, she shook her head. “I took it knowing the Frost needed me. I reassembled the court and set it running according to Heaven’s protocols and decrees. But I never took my mother’s title. Because I knew that my place is elsewhere. And when I had everything running well, I selected a replacement and left to continue following my own path.”
A wry chuckle rolled out of her and she gestured at the functionary who’d pleaded with her.. “A mere decade later, Dongchuang there found me. He’d been looking for seven years because it only took three for the Frost to fall apart. I put it back together and made a spirit who’d worked with me the entire time my successor, so that they wouldn’t let everything fall apart again.”
She fell silent for a long, angry moment.
“Thirty-four times.” she eventually announced. “I’ve entrusted this throne to others thirty-four times. The longest they’ve held it together was fifteen years. Now, nobody will even consider taking it, as they’ve all decided that it must be mother’s blood allowing me to reign.”
She levelled her gaze at me. “I want you to take someone, anyone, from my court and train them to rule. Then I want you to let them return and take this throne, and if possible take me with you so that I can’t be dragged back here even if the entire Frost court collapses.”
I sat back to consider as Dongchuang started pleading with her to care about the consequences that she’d been tending to for at least seventy thousand years.
There were the immediate politics to account for, of course. I still hadn’t found a way to navigate securing myself against petty functionaries without provoking the bureaucracy’s collective paranoia. Taking a pupil for the sake of returning them to their original court would be an interesting angle.
Then there were the politics of what everyone familiar with the situation would call conspiracy to destabilize a court. I could empathize with her position, but I didn’t exactly have a lot of company in that.
Then there were the logistics. The ruler of the Frost had to be a Frost spirit. Lower courts could fudge things and let other types of spirits rule, but there were bylaws accounting for the sympathy principles of rulership.
Hmm... Frost spirits being so callous compared to the spirits of other courts was probably the result of sympathy from her frustration at her position.
“Ah! That would actually work, I believe!” I interrupted Dongchuang’s latest pleading.
“Oh?” the Frost Princess’s tone swirled to hopeful.
“I do believe that I could train and hone a Frost attendant to overcome the error the rest suffer from. The difficulty of the task would not be small, and it would be a matter of decades at minimum, but if my path does not lead to an abrupt destruction, it should be within my talents.”
“Please!” Dongchuang was suddenly exasperated. “It’s plain as the clear sky that only her bloodline can rule!”
“Did you know that the sky is only blue due to an illusion?” I retorted without a thought, returning silence to the room.
“So you are confident, then?” Bai Fa Nushi asked calmly after a moment.
“In the task itself, yes. Not so much in the face of the ancillary difficulties.”
“I should think that taking on tutelage tasks would ease the worries of the courts.”
“Somewhat, yes. But as I’m sure you’ve learned, many of the courts are filled with those who’d see it as me seeking to poison their systems to my own ends.”
“Ah.” she replied slowly. “You require a way of allaying the fears of the most foolish, lest they snowball beyond your talent.”
“Regrettable, but accurate. And even the less foolish will worry at a potential ruler navigating the paperwork in my manner.”
“For those, I would accept lessons myself.” she laughed humorlessly. “Thus encouraging them to support my replacement to escape their fear.”
I turned my lips to the side as I pondered that angle. “The Administrators and Bureaucrats are aware of your displeasure with the arrangement?”
“I’ve brought it before them at length.” she confirmed. “Whether they recall it or not I cannot say.”
“Then it should be their idea to assign me to train your replacement!” I smiled.
Dongchuang caught on first and groaned, eliciting a truly malicious grin from Bai Fa Nushi. “I can arrange for them to have that thought with some ease.”
“Excellent! That settles the difficulties beyond the task nicely and replaces them with something much more manageable.”
“Wonderful! That leaves the matter of compensation, then. To begin with, I should like you to accept my Shuangjiang Zhi Zhong that you so courteously left for the Administrators to return to me.”
I raised my eyebrow as a lesser spirit brought forth the silver handbell. “I have no reason to refuse, though I should like to know the interest in parting with it again so soon.”
“A court with all of its power in one place is a court ill-positioned for aggressors. There are no Frost spirits who do not know and fear me, so ordering them about with natural contracts is redundant. Further, the more mortals see the bell and know its name, the more mortals will empower the court.”
“Defensive positioning as well as faith harvesting.” I nodded as I accepted the artifact. “I thank you for the lesson, gracious host.”
“The court shall thank you in turn for allowing the association through your use of the bell. I expect similar gifts from other courts to find their way to your hand as well, as interest in profits exceeds concern for your precarious position.” Her shen flickered with something in the direction of irritation, likely exasperation with the politics.
I, meanwhile, blinked as the implications of her phrasing lined up. “Such arrangements as the false shegong are deliberate matters on occasion, then?”
She smirked. “How else are we to spread our Face to the mortals we’re forbidden to interact with?”
That made sense. I probably wouldn’t mention to any other cultivators that the artifacts they ‘stumble on’ were probably planted there for the sake of heavenly political power plays. The fact that I didn’t need to worry about such roundabout methods myself, not having agreed to the restriction and focusing on intrinsic strength instead of harvesting worship.
Sure, the bureaucracy didn’t approve of me cultivating like a mortal, but there was no room for them to impose that as forbidden either. They were trying, but I’m a bit too good at paperwork for that.
“How else indeed? Would sharing stories by way of travelling storytellers be a viable avenue?”
“If we could speak with them, yes.” She shifted in false resignation. “As things sit, leaving records of our stories is the only approved way of getting them to the singers, and the singers rarely enter the areas we can tread to leave records.”
“Hence the focus on leaving artifacts for the cultivators who can survive to claim them.” I nodded along. “Such a shame. I’d love to hear more of the world’s rich history as kept by the Earthly courts.”
“Well, I suppose I can spare a copy of some of my own records for your studies. And if you happen to share them with those on your path and take on the name Gushi Yuan, I wouldn’t be bothered in the least.” She snapped her fingers and another servant came forth with a spatial ring on a tray, which I accepted and did not immediately check.
I’d learned from my early interactions that the spirit courts, heavenly and earthly alike, counted that poor form. With the revelation that circumventing restrictions included clandestine artifact redistribution, it made sense.
I spared a moment to wonder at the stories from my prior world and whether any of the artifacts in them were actually ‘stolen’, or just reported that way to the bureaucrats.
“I’m not sure I’ll take the name, but I’m likely to garner a reputation for spreading the tales, at minimum.”
“Oh? The rumors that you’re aiming for the title ‘Of Many Names’ is incorrect then?”
“More ‘misinformed’. I’ve looked at the title with interest a few times, but I’m not interested in diluting my focus overmuch to attain it. If there are twenty names that are fitting for me, I’ll celebrate when it happens. But passing hobbies aren’t enough for a Name, to me.”
She let out a chuckle like ice cracking. “To wear six and insist that they are each fully fitting. Little wonder you fear the Bureaucrats’ ire. Classifying you must give them migraines.”
“It does. Which is part of why I classify myself for them.” I grinned. “Which will include a bit more ‘tutoring’ going forward. I’m sure the mortals need it.”
She shared my grin at the addition to her toolset to get the Administrators to turn to me. “You are heading to the Eastern continent soon, yes? I’ve heard their empire is suffering from a lack of proper rulers and some mismanagement of their farmland. You ought to do well there.”
I smiled my approval at the suggestion. It wasn’t exactly ideal to take a long term, high profile job like that, but it wasn’t a bad idea either.
Provided the cultivators involved could be placated without being murdered. That’d just make it tedious.
---
Comparing travel methods used by mortals to those used by immortal spirits was, I felt, a wonderful way to become disappointed in all parties involved.
Take the crystal sleigh that the Frost court sent to invite me to and from dinner. A wonder of collaboration between the Travel court’s spatial spirits and the native icy influence of the Frost. It could cross ridiculous distances, leaving the area of The Three Continents entirely, to deliver me to Bai Fa Nushi’s dining hall and back in a single night. A wonderful, abrupt trip that served to connect the seemingly infinite distances between the seats of the High Courts that ruled over the more local branch courts.
Sure, they required such immediacy of transport to allow the Bureaucracy’s paperwork to get ignored in a timely fashion, but for pleasure travel, it was useless. They were Immortal, properly, and they were so accustomed to immediate transit that they rarely thought to take the scenic options and enjoy their immortality.
Mortals, meanwhile, used things like ships. Simple, waterborne vessels pushed along the water via sails and a fascinating indirect negotiation with the Winds. Even at the swiftest, it took entire days to travel the distances between the myriad islands of the Three Continents Oceans. Plenty of time to be working the sails and the wheel full-time and still enjoy the sunrise, the sunset, and the unending dance of the waves.
And because mortals were mortals, they complained about the time it took them to travel as it deprived them of time to do things they deemed ‘important’.
Or, at least, the self-obsessed ones did.
“Thank the heavens!” one such self-important noble declared as we pulled into dock. “My skin was starting to chafe from the salt in the air.”
It wasn’t that the past week taught me why so many cultivators just browbeat people into respectful silence. It was that I was questioning my commitment to ‘not starting the fight’.
After all, he literally couldn’t threaten me in a way I cared about, so getting pissy about how very punchable his face was would be akin to admitting that I cared about him, if only to the degree I cared about a mosquito in my face.
And a mosquito was not worth dealing with whoever cared more about him.
“Good old Imperial soil!” he continued, as though he thought he’d die without yammering. “You’re in for a treat, immortal! The Empress herself is a cultivator as well, and she’s ensured the finest treatment for any who show her due deference! Women, wine, even access to the best auction houses in the world! And I can tell you’ll fit right in! I’ve got an eye for these things!”
I raised an amused eyebrow. Initially he’d been disparaging that I joined the trip and “put them all in danger”, as it was well-established that cultivators and those with the potential to become cultivators attracted sea monsters.
Then I dealt with a serpent that thought I’d make a good snack and his tone ‘miraculously’ turned around.
“Truly! I’ve yet to be wrong about someone’s fitness to enjoy our fine Imperial accommodations! Say! I’ll be held up in paperwork limbo for a few days, why don’t I introduce you to the customs retainers? They’re very well trained in keeping dignified cultivators from being waylaid for too long.”
“Customs retainers? There’s enough paperwork to require a dedicated servant to handle it?” I engaged despite my disdain. He did have useful information, after all.
“Oh, yes and no.” he waggled his head a bit. “One of the chief ways that the Empress accommodates so many cultivators is in keeping track of where they travel so that appropriate resources can be allocated to their pleasure. Most cultivators find that it’s a small price to pay for the conveniences, so they hire retainers.”
Ah, an attempt at a surveillance state. “I’ll take a look at the paperwork myself, for at least the first several outposts, I think. But if one of the retainers would be interested in sharing the details of the position, I’d pay him respectably for it.”
“How interesting! I don’t believe I’ve ever heard someone of your esteemed strength deigning to file their own paperwork!”
“You also said that about surrendering the spines of the serpent.”
“I know! You are swiftly becoming one of the most interesting men I’ve ever spoken with!”
Oh please no. I don’t want this guy hanging around me more. “I just don’t like leaving things to people I haven’t trained myself.” I shrugged.
“Ah! You’ve suffered from incompetent underlings then! Truly an unforgivable crime, that. How is a man supposed to focus on presenting his wealth and power if he has to keep whipping the servants for failing their tasks! It’s preposterous! Why, I had this tailor once...”
And he’s back to ranting about things he should be flogged for. On occasions like this, I bothered to regret my overtrained situational awareness. Even willfully ignoring him, his every squawk made its way into my memory.
I hadn’t ever flagged a memory for removal before this week. But now, if somehow I needed to lose some memories, I knew which ones to start with.
“Master cultivator, sir.” A seaman bowed in a near-grovel as he interrupted the endless windbag. “The captain asks to speak with you in private before we dock.”
“Thank you, Qing.” I smiled easily. “I’ll go handle that now. Better to be done than caught off guard, after all” I supplied a philosophy to minimize the offense the noble would take.
“He’s in his quarters, sir.”
I politely escaped to the captain’s cabin and found the grizzled man of half my age at his desk. Not that anyone could tell at a glance, with my body being tempered to an eternal prime, and his wearing his labor openly.
“Ah! Master Guang! Thank you for humoring me.” he rumbled with a cheer to him.
“Of course, Captain Lung! You’re due no less with your hospitality.”
We shared a cheeky grin for a moment before I added “And my ear greatly appreciates the break.” which sent him into a full laugh as I sat across from him.
“I hear ya. A good part of my agreeing to take you on was figuring that either you’d kill him or we could toss him overboard if we got attacked.”
“I’m sorry that I didn’t know that was the plan. I’d have fought closer to the ship.” I laughed with him.
“Ah, it’s fine. I must say, out of every cultivator I’ve ever taken aboard, you’re the only one I’d actually like to see again. Also the only one that hasn’t threatened any of my men.”
“Overwhelming strength is no excuse for poor manners. I often wonder at how this isn’t a common understanding.”
“I couldn’t say, even if I thought I’d survive saying it.” he shook his head in lament. “Anyway, I talked it over with the lads, and they wanted to thank you for distracting the distinguished mister Yulan well enough that they could get their work done in peace. Whatever saint you stole your patience from must have been on the verge of enlightenment.”
I let myself laugh at the comment. “I won’t lie and say he didn’t strain me, but it wasn’t enough to need compensation.”
“Maybe not, but the men were quite insistent. We talked it out, and decided that the spines you gifted us will serve you better than us. We wouldn’t be able to get anywhere near their proper price without being struck down for the audacity, after all.”
I blinked at the offer. Blue serpent spines weren’t terribly rare, as far as cultivator-sought resources go, but a set of eight like I’d managed to harvest for them would still fetch a good price at a mortal auction house.
“Empire cultivators are that stingy?” I asked incredulously.
“I wouldn’t call them stingy, per se, no. We’d still get a good price, but split it through a crew and it’s only a week of good booze, even with the ship not needing repairs. The lads argued that you already gave us a week of better food than we’d a right to and a week of reprieve from our honored passenger. They just felt bad accepting the spoils on top of that.”
A quick bit of calculation and my esteem for the empire’s cultivator population took a hit. Not a severe one, but with what a decent craftsman could do with the spines, the finder’s fee should be enough for a week and a half of booze for the crew at least.
“It’s truly a shame that you can’t get a proper price for them. But I can accept your reasoning, on the condition that you accept a small box of seasoning to make up the difference in values. It won’t set me back at all, and I tasted your gruel.”
“Ha!” he barked a laugh. “If that’s your demand to accept our gratitude, I can agree to your terms!”
He handed over the ring with the spines and I produced a miniature chest of spices that would last them most of their next trip through the islands if they used it properly.
“And I meant what I said earlier. If you need a ship to travel on and I’m in port, it’d be my pleasure to ferry you again.”
“I’ll look for you if I need a vessel then! Company aside, it’s been a wonderful time aboard.”
Seafaring men were among my favorite mortals. They stared death and madness in the face often enough that they warmed up to treating me like a person faster than more secure professions.
Disembarking was a much busier affair than on any of the islands I’d stopped at, not the least because each of the crew had to be signed into the paperwork before they were allowed to actually get on with unloading the cargo properly.
I elected to allow the noisy noble and his small entourage to finish their paperwork entirely before moving with the flow to reach the desk myself.
“Ah, you would be the cultivator that the captain reported, yes?”
“Yes. What information would you like?” I smiled, which seemed to unnerve him.
“To start the process, your name and core rank. With that I can direct you to the main office where they can get you set up with the basic accommodations and sort out what extra resources should be allocated for you.”
I chuckled. “I am called Guang, and I’m roughly at Pure Stone, seventh or eighth rank.”
He raised an eyebrow, so I added “My foundation doesn’t have distinct rank bursts, so I can only tell with precision by matching a punch with someone.”
He blinked. “No surname?”
“I had it trained out of me during my youth.”
His brow furrowed, then he did his best to hide shock and horror as he realized something. “Would that make you ‘Guang, called Qu Mo Shi’, then?”
“Yes, that is one of my acquired names.”
I kept a pleasant, neutral expression on my face as he started turning white. He wasn’t the first to respond to the exaggerations of my escape with abject terror, so I was able to keep my exasperation in check with ease as he tried to restart through his stammering.
“I am so sorry for doubting your existence, your excellency.” he finally spat out, clasping his hands together in a plea for mercy.
“That’s quite alright, mister?”
“Fa Ling, of Nu Yan province.”
“It’s quite alright mister Fa. I’d disbelieve the rumors myself with how they’ve grown exaggerated. Take a breath and steady yourself. You haven’t offended me.”
He worked himself down, looked at his paperwork, and quietly muttered “Do we even have paperwork for visiting gods?”
“I will attempt to act as just another cultivator, so rest easy.” I said calmly instead of collapsing in laughter like I wanted to.
He finished composing himself and filled out an ornate intake slip and directed me to the office where some lovely ladies hid every indication that they were bothered by yet another cultivator entering other than the way their shen flinched viscerally enough that I was surprised normal cultivators couldn’t tell.
One accepted the intake slip and balked for only a moment before inviting me to wait in a lounge that would probably look fitting in a brothel while they got someone dignified enough to speak with me.
I accepted the complimentary wine and relaxed while evaluating the three other cultivators in the lounge. One, a lecher that neatly explained why the women were so good at pretending not to despise their job, was drinking heartily and griping to one of the women cozied up to him about how he’d been treated on his trip. Another, a woman with icy white hair, was glaring at him with disdain strong enough that I predicted a fight as soon as they were no longer observing hospitality. And the last was calmly sitting as though he was cultivating, though subtle flickers of his shen told me it was a thin pretense and the lecher would do well not to engage him.
Which, given the nature of rowdy lechers, left only one inevitable interaction while we waited. One that came as I waved off a superficially flirtatious offer for ‘something more filling’ after refilling my cup.
“Yeah! See, this guy knows how to relax!” the lecher gestured at me. “What’s your name, friend? I’m Hui Ko!”
“I go by Guang.” I humored him.
“Ha! Nice to meet you! Man, after having nothing but men to look at for a month, this is like heaven, isn’t it?”
“Do you ever shut up?” the woman snapped. “How do you even cultivate with a mouth that never closes?”
“Want to find out, beautiful?” he waggled his eyebrows like he was confident she wouldn’t or couldn’t punch him.
The grinding of teeth from her told me that it was not a matter of choice that his face remained unbroken.
“I’ve never been to this part of the world before.” I interrupted the boiling rage before he said something else. “You seem like the sort who knows who’s who in the province.”
“Am I ever! The Hui are the most powerful family this side of the Bleeding Dragon! I’ve worked with everyone you could ever need to go through to get what you want! Make it worth my time and I’d be happy to introduce you to them myself!”
“If I find myself with a goal, I’ll certainly seek out that generous offer.” I smiled emptily. “For the present, I’m just seeing more of the world and doing odd jobs for fun.”
“Hit a blockage, eh? My uncle had the same problem a few decades back and lucked out while setting up a trading outpost system. Had a thousand-year ginseng fall right into his lap!”
“How fortuitous! He was suffering from a phase imbalance then?”
Both the lecher and the woman blinked at me. “Damn! That was quick! Yeah! He’d built up too much Wood qi and it was ripping up his Earth qi faster than his Fire qi could settle in, even with extra focus on developing it! The ginseng cleared that right up and he’s been keeping a better handle on it since!”
“Good for him!”
“You some sort of specialist in imbalances then? Damn, your blockage must be something nasty! Say, how’d you suggest someone who keeps suffering Yin overbalancing adjust their cultivation? I’ve got a nephew that can’t keep progressing without a really tedious sun-dependent meditation.”
“The body generates Yang best when performing strenuous activity. A minor circulation while hunting or fighting can overcome minor imbalances. He might also benefit from changing where he cultivates. If he found a ki-rich cave or such, he might just be pulling in far more Yin than he’s accounting for.”
“Young master Hui, your papers have been finished.” one of the attendants announced quietly.
“Great! And I’ll mention that to my nephew, see if it helps him out! It’s been nice to meet you!”
“I’m honored to meet yourself.” I smiled and returned to my drink as he left. The waitresses’ distress eased off significantly as the room adjusted to the quiet.
“You don’t have a blockage, do you?” the quiet man asked after a long moment.
“No, quite the opposite.” I admitted. “I just like wandering and enjoying the world more than sitting in a cave.”
“You said you are Guang? The patron of the Fang?”
I paused in my drink and cocked my head. “Patron?”
“Oh, okay. I started to think you were someone else for a moment.”
“You may be placing me correctly, I am the Guang who walked the mountains clean. But this is the first I’m hearing anyone calling me the Fang’s patron.”
He blinked for a moment and changed tact. “Well, I did only hear of you third-hand, so it may be rumormongers twisting their respect as worship. But the way I heard it, you stepped down from heaven to cleanse their ranks of the unorthodox that were festering and eliminate the demonic sects nearby, and they adopted you as a patron for it.”
I chuckled with a sinking feeling. “That’s a more fantastical version than any I’ve heard yet! Thank you for sharing, fellow taoist. But no, I was born a mere mortal farmer and was recruited for having a scrap of talent. The revival of the schism and the resulting civil war were incidental to my audacity in not wishing to die.”
“And the demonic sects?” the woman asked, good humor in her voice.
“There was only one. The other rival was merely unorthodox. With significant assistance from the Earthly spirits, I peeled the demonic qi blighting the mountains out to prevent a recurring demonic incursion. Little more.”
“So who fought the Ravenous Demon Blood Dragon? Or was that fabrication as well?”
“No, it was on the battlefield. But to say I ‘fought’ it is a horrible exaggeration. I just kept running and dodging it for long enough that reinforcements managed to arrive and handle the Fist Master.”
“You outran the Ravenous Demon Blood Dragon technique?” the man gaped. “Long enough that it mattered?”
“Only barely.” I waved off his awe. “‘Not Dying’ is a specialty of mine that includes more evasive maneuvers than I have names for.”
“Esteemed guest, we are ready to assist you with the processing.” one of the functionaries broke the ensuing silence after a moment, and I stood to follow her.
“It has been a pleasure speaking with you.” I disengaged formally instead of snubbing the other cultivators in their homeland and received polite partings in return.
What followed was a mild blur as I spoke with one Milan Kurina - a noble of significant local rank - about the information the Shan Taiyan Empire wanted about cultivators in exchange for catering to them before being browbeaten into surrendering goods. Most of it was benign enough, Core tier, Rank, primary resources consumed - mine being ‘none’ baffled the poor woman - and the like. Simple stuff so that the folk in charge of the infrastructure could predict demands and have the needed goods on hand, within reason.
I was informed that beyond Bronze Core, the empire didn’t even pretend to have everything a cultivator could need. Which rather made sense, it was astounding that they claimed to be able to support every Stone Core they hosted. Claiming more would be tantamount to suicide by being caught in a lie.
Then the interesting part started. The polite request that I, as well as any other cultivator, agree to aid empire personnel if I happen across them having difficulty. The chief examples were if I came across a transport being accosted by a demon beast or a brigand squad. Sensible enough. I couldn’t imagine it was sustainable in the long term, but inviting cultivators to supplement security measures to make sure their own goods get the same treatment was clever.
They were even circumspect in confirming which artifacts I carried from the rumors. Not particularly fearing them being stupid enough to set thieves after my sword or staff, I admitted to carrying them, but neglected to inform them of the Frost Princess’ bell. That one not only had history to it, but had formed its own spirit long ago and didn’t like being used as bait.
Province Lord Milan never properly relaxed, but did clearly find me off-puttingly affable as she mistook my cooperation for trust. And the look of choking on a lemon that broke through her composure when I politely declined to be put up in the local palace, as I intended to simply roam the city until my paperwork was done was beautiful.
After all, it’d technically be more offensive to accept the offer and never set foot in the room than to admit my intention to not pretend to sleep. And it wasn’t like I was saying that I was bothered by the spying. I even asked what manner of guide was most convenient to mingle and enjoy the culture in order to reassure her that I was fine being watched.
It was late morning of the following day when we were both satisfied that I knew enough of the rules that I wouldn’t cause a scene, and I departed with a guide that carried himself like a warrior despite the functionary outfit.
He proved a fine conversationalist as we walked, even filling me in on the nature of the empire’s primary enforcement tool - a type of martial arts that was likened to ‘external cultivation’ that didn’t grant proper longevity like tempering one’s soul, but was significantly easier to scale out for the empire’s needs.
For one thing, it was pure skill. Which meant that the vagaries of soul attunement and energetic phase management were completely removed from the dynamic. Thus, any mortal of fit body could practice and become respectably strong in it.
For another, it was pure skill. Which meant that the occasional rowdy cultivator was likely to simply get blindsided by their own strength being repurposed.
Baisho was only slightly bothered that I complimented his superiors for the cleverness. More so at my suggestion of sparring sometime.
We stopped for lunch at a restaurant that he thought highly of, and I was treated to the proprietor speaking with an irritated woman who, instead of berating the man, was walking him through a recipe.
Listening in as we sat, my esteem for both grew a little. The proprietor had apparently suffered a complaint about the dish and the woman, a chef by the sound of it, was helping him figure out what went wrong.
Given that she wasn’t hiding her shen, which flickered stronger than mine by a good deal, I was both suspicious of her motives and impressed that she deigned to talk with him herself.
The meal was nice, an overcomplex citrus-based sauce drizzled on small strips of fish, and a downright impressive vinegar mix in the accompanying rice.
It was only slightly spoiled at the end by the very loud intrusion of a pompous fuckwit and a group of thugs.
“You dared serve this Bo poisoned food! Now you’ll pay for it with your business!”
Baisho groaned that his recommendation was under attack as most of the patrons started beating a retreat.
“It wasn’t poisoned, you insipid buffoon. You’re just allergic to shellfish.” the woman shot back.
“You dare imply this Bo has such a weakness!” he postured.
“Everyone already knows it. You’re the only one you’re fooling. Now get out of here before I eat you.”
Bo, along with most of the restaurant, balked at the threat. Unwisely, he recovered by yelling “Seize her!”
The rest of the patrons finished exiting as his goons attacked, and I sat back and finished my food while enjoying the scene as she pulled out a sturdy wooden spatula and started laying the thugs out on the floor and tables. She didn’t have a discernible style, which I found odd, opting instead to flail about like an untrained mortal, but with enough force that there were absolutely broken bones as the thugs fell.
It was over as I finished my meal, and the idiot realized that I was there as he panicked. “Cultivator! You’re charged with keeping the peace!” he yelled.
“I’m not a fucking cultivator!” she yelled as she stalked toward him. “And I am keeping the peace you pathetic, tasteless clump of puddle mud!”
“And you’ve got the wrong of it anyway.” I spoke up to save him by distracting her. “Cultivators are requested to assist empire forces in keeping the peace. You brought thugs, so there’s no call for me to do anything here.”
The woman, having finally noticed me, started to turn back to him slowly with a truly malicious grin.
“However, out of basic civility, I’ll offer one distraction to her to give you time to leave in peace. Ma’am, would you care to join me and my guide for tea?” I pulled out one of my boxes to entice her away from killing a noble.
She paused as the idiot gaped, then sighed. “You know what, sure. He’s not worth it.”
She sat down across from me as the men left conscious in the room stared at me, and I started boiling a pot of water with a minor flame technique I was fond of.
“What are you doing?” Bo demanded.
“He’s saving your life. Go away before I change my mind.” she snapped for me, finally causing the noble to catch a clue and flee.
“Neat trick.” she gestured to the flame.
“Thanks. It’s a favorite of mine.” I smiled easily. “I’m called Guang.”
“Bu Keneng De Hua.”
“A pleasure to meet you. And thank you for the show.” I added the tea leaves.
“Already? That’s a really neat fire trick if it’s already up to temp.”
“It really is. But I also have a water technique to make sure it spreads properly.”
“Neat.”
I poured the tea a few breaths later and she appreciated the aroma with composure fit for a mortal court, not vocalizing her approval, but showing it in her face. We drank in silence, the bustle outside not bothering to intrude so soon after an uproar, and when she was done she nodded.
“Yeah, that was much more satisfying than killing that idiot. Thank you.”
“Thank you for the company. Sharing a table with someone with taste always improves my tea. Two such, even more.”
“I see...” she raised an eyebrow that could have meant anything for all I could read her manners, but her shen flickered positively. “It’s been lovely, but I should leave before that idiot comes back. Thank you for the excuse not to kill him.”
“You're welcome. May your travels be peaceful, Bu Keneng De Hua.”
Then she left, and I did my best not to worry about the implications of interacting with nobility in my first three free-roaming hours in a new nation.
It boded poorly enough for my time here that ‘my best’ wasn’t terribly effective.
Comments
PatronTurtle
Hope he can find some "peaceful" ways to purge the idiocy from the nobility so he doesn't need to purge the nobility itself. So far 2/3 of the ones met so far being ass-hats isn't a good sign tho
Xodarap4
Wow if Xianxia Police State actually exists after dealing with belligerent cultivators and Sects without massive damages occurring daily they obviously have the face manipulation down to a art.
