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HRA# 41. Terrifying Hermione and the Mad Headmaster
🕑 Added 2025-02-11 21:32:28 +0000 UTCIt was hard to imagine how such an ear-piercing scream could come from a child's throat. For a moment, Harry’s head was buzzing from the sheer volume—especially Ron’s, since he was the closest.
Harry couldn't help but burst into laughter, but his laughter barely lasted two seconds before coming to an abrupt halt.
Because, right before his incredulous eyes, Ron went limp and collapsed onto the ground.
He had fainted.
"Ron!!"
Thankfully, Hagrid had quick reflexes and caught the red-haired boy before he hit the floor. Then, as if shaking up a bottle of champagne, he gave Ron a little shake—still no reaction.
Yeah, he was definitely out cold.
“…I swear to the Earth Mother, I really didn’t mean any harm. Uh, it was just a joke—why would anyone be this scared of spiders?” Harry quickly defended himself under the accusing gazes of Hermione and Neville.
“Any normal person would be scared of spiders and snakes, Harry Potter!!” Hermione glared at him, using his full name in fury. “That was way too cruel!!”
“Oh, I think it was just a harmless prank,” Hagrid chuckled good-naturedly. “But your reactions—Merlin’s long stockings, I swear I nearly lost my scalp from the screaming.”
“A harmless prank?!” Hermione turned her glare on Hagrid. Despite her small frame, the sheer pressure radiating off her made Hagrid momentarily feel like Professor McGonagall was scolding him. “Ron passed out!! And Neville—are you okay, Neville?”
What surprised Hermione was that, unlike Ron, Neville—who was usually the timid one—didn’t seem too shaken.
“…I’m fine,” Neville swallowed hard and said. “I mean… I’ve bought spiders before. For Trevor to eat. So I’m used to it. Uh, though this one was… a bit big.”
Trevor was, of course, Neville’s pet toad.
Ron was quick to pass out, but he was just as quick to wake up. He groggily sat up on the floor, looking dazed.
“Where… am I…? Bloody hell, why does it feel like I got punched twice by a troll? My whole body aches…” Ron muttered as he stretched.
“This is Hagrid’s hut, Ron. Are you okay?” Neville asked tentatively, while the rest of them tactfully avoided mentioning Hagrid’s… shaking method.
“Me? Of course, I—” Ron stopped mid-sentence as his gaze landed on the wooden tub in front of him.
And on Harry, who was sitting inside it.
In an instant, everything came rushing back.
“Merlin’s red suspenders, Harry! You’re soaking in that stuff?! Are you mad?!!”
“I already told you, just think of it as me undergoing a treatment,” Harry explained once again. “I need to do this to replenish my body’s missing nutrients. It helps me get stronger, faster.”
“But you look more like a child from a Muggle fairy tale who’s been kidnapped by an evil witch and thrown into a cauldron for stew!” Hermione blurted out. “Look at yourself, Harry—this is downright sinister!!”
A heartfelt accusation from a little girl.
The horrifying scene she had just witnessed was still burned into her mind—Harry, covered in thick, reddish-brown potion, lifting a bloated spider carcass with his bare hands. Just imagining what he was soaking in made her skin crawl.
“Merlin, you really look like the mad, wicked witches from those fairy tales I read as a child, Harry!” Hermione couldn’t hold back any longer.
“This is just a type of potion, nothing wicked about it,” Harry shrugged. “And for the record, Hermione, if anyone here is a witch, it’s you. I’m a wizard.”
That only seemed to make Hermione angrier.
“You don’t understand, Harry,” Ron scooted away from the tub as far as possible. “I was pranked by Fred and George when I was little—you lot have no idea what that’s like.”
“My favorite stuffed toy turned into a huge, hairy spider right in my arms… Ugh! I can’t even—!”
“Fred and George are absolute menaces,” everyone immediately concluded after picturing the scenario. Even Harry had to admit that was taking pranks way too far.
“Mum nearly tanned their hides off—she had them stuck in bed for a week. But either way, ever since then, I’ve been terrified of spiders.”
“My bad, sorry, Ron.” As a righteous bull-headed Gryffindor, Harry apologized immediately.
“It’s fine, you didn’t know,” Ron waved him off generously. “By the way, you said this potion makes you stronger?”
Ron, resilient as ever, had bounced back quickly and was now eyeing the potion with interest.
“Don’t even think about it, you lazy bum,” Harry rolled his eyes. “Even with the potion, you still need to exercise. If you can wake up early and train with me every morning, then we’ll talk.”
“Haha… yeah, never mind, then,” Ron laughed awkwardly. “It’s not that I can’t wake up—it’s just that you wake up too early, Harry.”
The conversation turned into a jumble of complaints—something about Harry being nothing like a first-year, how not getting enough sleep stunts growth—all of which earned chuckles from the group.
“So… this is one of those shamanic potions you talked about?” Hermione, no longer angry, asked curiously.
“Yep,” Harry nodded.
“If becoming a shaman means soaking in… whatever this is, I’d rather not,” Hermione declared firmly.
“But what if soaking in it made you smarter? What if you could learn anything quickly and understand everything with ease?” Harry grinned, leaning back against the tub.
“Can it really do that?!” Hermione shot up, planting both hands on the table in excitement—only to freeze when she noticed everyone staring at her with strange expressions.
“Ahem, what I meant was… so you’re saying you learn so fast because of this potion?” Hermione coughed into her fist, trying to look serious.
“If I said yes, would you agree to soak in it?” Harry asked, barely holding back a laugh.
Conflict—those two big words were written all over Hermione’s face. She looked like she was standing on the edge of corruption, torn between temptation and reason, just one step away from the abyss.
“I—I—wait, you’re messing with me, aren’t you?” After a long internal battle, Hermione finally looked up—only to see Harry’s barely contained laughter. Her expression instantly collapsed. “You were totally messing with me!! As if a potion like that exists!!”
“Well, technically, there is one—Brain Elixir can boost intelligence,” Harry admitted before grinning. “But yeah, I was messing with you.”
“HARRY!! POTTER!!”
The hut erupted with Hermione’s furious yelling and everyone else’s laughter.
A pleasant afternoon.
Hagrid was, in all honesty, a great guy. Though he looked big and intimidating, he was warm-hearted—at least to his friends—and always willing to share good food.
So—
“Eat up! Why aren’t you eating?” Hagrid pushed a plate forward enthusiastically. “Made it myself—stoat sandwiches, they’re delicious.”
“…White what?” Hermione blinked.
“Stoat,” Hagrid repeated. “Sort of like a rat… I think.”
Hermione turned green. Ron and Neville didn’t look much better.
But Hagrid was so cheerful about it that they had no choice but to take a bite of the enormous sandwiches in front of them.
The meat was a little sour.
And the more they thought about what they were eating, the worse their stomachs felt.
“How is it?” Hagrid looked at them expectantly.
“Uh… it’s… not bad.” Hermione forced a smile, but the moment she spotted Harry stifling a laugh behind Hagrid, her expression twisted into one of gritted-teeth fury. “—Why don’t we let Mr. Potter have a taste as well?”
If words could turn into knives, Hermione swore the man sitting in the tub would’ve been stabbed into a sieve by now.
After all, she had just called him “Mr. Potter.” If someone overheard, they’d probably think Malfoy was the one talking.
Hagrid, looking as if he’d just had a revelation, turned to Harry.
“You know me, Hagrid,” Harry said, meeting his friend’s eager gaze. He lifted a hand out of the potion bath and gestured at himself. “Look, I can’t exactly eat right now.”
“Oh… right.” Hagrid, disappointed, turned back around.
“It’s fine! Hagrid, I’ll help him!” With a dramatic swoosh, Hermione sprang up from her chair, grabbed a sandwich, and grinned—no, grinned wasn’t strong enough—she bared her teeth in a menacing smile as she approached Harry. “Come on now, open wide, Mr. Potter!!”
“Oi! Hermione! Wait a second!!” Harry yelped, but he couldn’t stop her from marching forward with the sandwich in hand.
Harry wanted to raise his hands to block her, but if the sandwich fell into the potion bath, it might turn into something even more mysterious. He could only watch helplessly as Hermione shoved the sandwich toward his mouth.
The room quickly descended into a terrifying scene: Hermione grinning like a madwoman, force-feeding Harry a sandwich while twisting it deeper into his mouth. Ron and Neville, sitting on the sofa in the back, huddled together, trembling.
Too scary. This woman was too scary.
“Wait… hold on a second.” It was as if a lightbulb had flicked on above Ron’s head. He suddenly realized something. “Harry’s taking a potion bath, right? So… doesn’t that mean he’s actually naked right now?”
Hermione froze.
To be fair, the thick, murky, reddish-brown liquid was completely opaque, so nothing was visible beneath the surface except Harry’s head. But even so, Hermione’s face instantly turned bright red.
And Ron wasn’t done.
“…If we think of Hagrid’s hut as a boys’ dorm, then wouldn’t this mean Hermione just barged into the boys’ bath to watch Harry bathe?”
Ron’s brain had never worked so fast before. He was leaping from one conclusion to the next like a bolt of lightning.
“Ron… stop talking… lower your voice…” Neville tugged at Ron’s sleeve, whispering anxiously.
Hermione, her body as rigid as a machine, slowly turned around, her cheeks burning red, flames of fury dancing in her eyes.
“RON!!!”
Ron Weasley, male, age eleven. Cause of death: ribs shattered by blunt force trauma.
The atmosphere in the hut grew unbearably awkward. Hagrid had to tell several wizard jokes just to lighten the mood again. Eventually, the conversation drifted back to life at Hogwarts.
“Speaking of which, I heard there’s been some weird stuff going on in the castle?” Hagrid asked, taking a big bite of his sandwich. “I overheard some students talking about it the other day—apparently, Professor Snape has been acting like a completely different person?”
“Ha! It’s not just Snape—Professor McGonagall too.” Ron huffed at the mere mention of it. “You wouldn’t believe what’s going on at the castle right now, Hagrid. Even Fred and George are saying the professors must’ve taken the wrong medicine—or maybe they were poisoned. Or maybe… we’ve all been poisoned!”
“Snape’s been sneaking around, handing out points to Harry like crazy! ‘Helping a classmate? Two points!’ ‘Following school rules? One point!’ ‘Greeting a professor? Another point!’ Merlin’s beard!!”
“…Well, that does sound a bit strange.” Hagrid blinked in confusion. He knew Snape’s reputation at Hogwarts all too well. “Snape, of all people, handing out points to Gryffindor? What kind of dream am I having?”
“He even complimented my antlers.” Harry added casually. Hagrid now looked even more doubtful about reality.
“You haven’t even heard the worst part yet, Hagrid!” Ron slammed his teacup down in frustration. “If Snape’s been handing out points like candy, then McGonagall has been doing the exact opposite—she’s been deducting points from Gryffindor like mad!!”
“It’s like she’s trying to cancel out every point Snape gives!! Merlin’s pants, isn’t she supposed to be our Head of House?!!”
“They’ve lost their minds!!”
“I-I think Professor McGonagall must have her reasons,” Neville stammered. “She’s not just our Head of House—she’s the Deputy Headmistress, too. She has to be fair, right?”
“Then why didn’t she say anything when Snape used to give Slytherin all the points and dock Gryffindor’s like crazy?!” Ron huffed, practically fuming at the nose.
“Ahem, you lot really shouldn’t be badmouthing your professors… especially Professor McGonagall. I’m sure she has her reasons.” Hagrid quickly cut in, trying to steer the conversation away. “But Ron, if Snape’s giving Harry all these points, why do you sound so angry?”
“Because he’s been taking points off me!!” Ron practically wailed. He was about to collapse from sheer injustice. “Merlin help me! I never knew a person could insult me in so many roundabout ways!!”
