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Chapter 60 - Garden of Eden

🕑 Added 2024-08-16 01:48:35 +0000 UTC

Comments

Warden

It reads well to me. The main story beat was the introduction of Amy into the now love triangle. It reads as a pretty healthy start of a relationship to me. An unorthodox and magical teenage relationship following a lifetime of trauma on one party, mind you. The sparkling vampire ts makes sense. It’s cute. Almost distracts you from the fact that Crawler is bounding across the north american plains towards our cast right now.

Wasted Ink

Jason and Amy, or should I say Jason, Amy, and Cass - they weren’t actually together until this chapter. Before, it was them brushing around it. For Amy and them, it is still very much in the puppy love stage - Jason and Cass are already past that with each other. We’re in Jason’s thoughts so there’s obviously more description on people and his feelings, but I don’t see how he comes off as a humping dog in most chapters - I feel like most of the previous chapters have been nonstop action and magic, so of course there’s going to be development on the Amy romance route. That’s a natural continuation. The last thing I want is for my writing to come off shallow so I’ll try to work on that. I appreciate the feedback.

Alex I

Not like it ruins the whole story, I just feel like you are trying to force the romance too much. Actual romance is much more about the little moments of just enjoying each other's company. So all of these big 'she's the one for me' 'she's mine' 'can't wait' type scenes just fall flat because it comes off as puppy love, shallow infatuation and not soul mate like you probably intend. Dial it back just a bit so he doesn't seem so desperate. Plus, this is mostly the kind of hard push you normally see as the set up to a big piece of drama or some shit like the author pushing it really hard just before one of them dies or some garbage like that. So I'm half annoyed at the sheer cringe of being so damn obsessed and half in tension because it feels like the ham fisted prelude to some stupid shit. I know it isn't but that isn't the emotional vibe a trope aware reader might feel subconsciously.

Wasted Ink

I’m sorry that my story and writing isn’t to your preference homie. Hopefully you can find something more to your liking!

Alex I

I am starting to personally get bored of this series. You write fine but clearly struggle with not dragging out intimate moments until they've lost all appeal and just become word filler. It's mostly me, but this romance is so much sap and sexual tension but feels shallow. Every moment just defaults to this Twilight like sparkling vampire type shit. Maybe consider just having them do things without it always turning into paragraphs of him mentally humping their appearance like a dog in heat, huh?

ExodiaTheForbiddenOne

Amazing chapter thanks for ya hardwork !


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