IHaveHidden
patreon
JACG Chapter 37 (Choices)
🕑 Added 2024-03-11 02:01:34 +0000 UTCThe haze and debauchery lasted for an embarrassing amount of time. Feeling that lust and passion was something that I did not regret. The process was enjoyable and it put some things in perspective. The haze did mean I was not putting my all into leaving this place. That was to be expected after all. What did I have to return to?
A broken relationship with the girl I once promised eternity. A society that really did not want me in the first place. A castle that might as well be blown up for all the good it could do for me. An old man that would likely meddle in all my affairs. A plastic friend that wants to take advantage of me. A war that I had no stakes in. An asshole that I wanted to tear into several pieces.
Okay, the last one was something I was looking forward to. I had several people I wanted to die in gruesome fashions after all. It was not totally bad either. Narcissa was a friend but I don’t know if she was worth going back to that. Not when it meant giving up this.
The girl cuddling in my chest as I hold onto her. The soft pleasant beat of her heart on mine. The lust filled nights and the joyful mornings. The intimate talks about every little thing. The taste of her lips on mine. That was what I would be giving up.
If I let go of it now would I ever get it back? Would these fleeting moments be lost in the wind? Would I be able to feel anything remotely close if I gave it up? Was it so wrong for this empty person to swallow this moment? How could I give up this storm and return to that desert? Could I trust that what she had shown me was not the end?
My heart was broken into a million pieces. I managed to pick up these pieces in a foreign world. Would these pieces dissolve when the rest of this dream disappeared?
Just as cowardly but in a different way. I would just have to trust that these kisses meant something. That those whispered conversations were not a lie. That the whims of her heart were not just that. To do anything else but trust her would be running.
So even if I dread what is to come. I have to accept it. Time was a fickle mistress and when we want things to drag on they rarely do. I could spend weeks, days, and hours with this girl but things would move on. The Clearers pushed floor after floor. The date of our release was coming closer and closer.
Ashley tried not to show that the date was affecting her. She would rather live in the moment. She would rather spend the time basking in each other. To swallow every last bit of affection she could get. Never tiring, never wallowing. The exact opposite of me.
Then again this facade was hiding the same thoughts and feelings I had. She was just not willing to dread something that was bound to happen when she could be happy. That was not the type of girl Ashley Graves was.
Even if I dragged my feet the moment has come. Today might be the last moment of passion I could share with her. As she lay on my chest and rested I could not help but clutch her tiger. The temperature of her body was too much but I could not bare to let go. I would rather have her here instead of falling into a slumber.
The comfort she brought was worth more than a few hours of rest. I did not want tomorrow to come quicker after all. I may not be in the best condition for the boss fight tomorrow but I did not care. I could arrive in that fight passed out and things would not change. Victory was already determined and there was not a thing that could change that.
Floor seventy five. The place that I was desperate to run towards before. The end of this dream. The return to everything that made me the person I was. That was the last boss I had to fight. I had no idea what was going to happen when we left this place. The world had changed far too much. Kayaba had not shown up so Kirito could not duel him after we beat the boss.
Would these people have to finish the last twenty five floors? Was that the fate I dealt them when I decided to meddle? It was rather selfish to change fate just so I could have a better shot at leaving this place faster. Yet that was what I did. I had no idea if that was for the best. The people I have met and interacted with certainly appreciated what I did. The thing is they did not know that they were this close to leaving.
Kirito was happier here. He was not that withdrawn child that tried his best for everyone. He did not lose something so precious to him that he broke. He did not have to pick up the pieces with Asuna by his side. He would certainly prefer the world I built for him.
The same could be said for a large amount of people. I could not imagine how many would have died without my actions. I did it out of my own selfish desire but that did not mean these people would not be happier for it. Now that I was thinking about it I did not need to leave them here to fumble by themselves.
The only reason this farce had lasted so long was because the Chat Mission was to clear the seventy fifth floor. Once I finished my part of the bargain Fortuna was more than able to kick every single person out of this place. To give them the same ending they already would have had. A happier one.
That was the least I could do for these people. The men and women who faced their deaths with smiles on their faces. I could respect these people who have grown from scared cattle to warriors. They proved to me that strength is not something that is just given. It is cultivated, the will to fight was not something that was out of reach for someone like me.
The mission should have no bumps tomorrow. That means we were going to be rewarded for doing this. I did not know what we would receive but it should be something nice. The mission being finished brought up another thing to think about.
We were going to have to get another Chat member. We had the choice of getting someone from this world or randomly selecting one from another world.
That was a rather difficult decision. I had cultivated relationships here and I was friendly with a fair amount of people. It was hard not to be when we had spent two years fighting. Kirito was a good guy that was reliable. He was the type of person that would thrive in the Chat Group. He was also a child that I would be dragging into more conflict. Would that be for the best?
He should be facing more and more messed up situations. He was the protagonist of this world after all. So would me dragging him into my orbit really be that bad?
Asuna was great. I did not really interact with her too much but I could see her fitting in with someone like Rias or Izumi. The problem is she was in the same situation as Kirito. I also did not have that deep of a relationship with her. To offer her power and conflict because she was a good girl seemed like an odd prospect.
Diabel would be an interesting choice. The guy had long since become my lackey. He was charismatic and knew how to lead people when I could not be bothered to try. I could rely on him to do things that I could not really trust the others with. The problem with him was he was also an idiot. Sure that was smooth out for the most part but he still did some rather confusing things. Not to mention he would be out of this conflict once Aincard was done. He was not like Kirito. His story began and ended in Aincard.
So to drag him into this world of danger would be a mistake. I was not sure he would even want to be involved in danger after something like this. Then again who knows what decision someone would make until the chips are down?
Then there was Argo. That girl would thrive in any situation she was put into. She was conniving and sneaky in a way that would ensure her well being. The ambitious snake in me could respect that. She had a rather massive fondness for money but who did not? She would be able to win over everyone in the group given enough effort. She already had a fairly impressive bond with Ashley of all people. That was an obstacle like no other but she did it.
She might be willing to become involved with the Chat Group for the benefits. The unlimited possibilities that it brought would be a far too tempting fruit. She may not like danger but the rewards that would come were something that would enthrall that woman. She would have issues dealing with any real danger for a while. She was a mortal girl after all. I would not expect her to be fighting god like entities for a long long time.
Beyond anyone in SAO there was an option of randomly inviting someone. That was a rather tempting option. The world of SAO did not really have anything that impressive to offer. If we invited a random person we might get access to a world far more impressive.
The gacha in Fate was far too tempting and that was one of the many options available. Not to mention it would allow me the option to travel to a place that would be interesting. I was sure to gain a fair amount of points when this is all done. I could use those points to travel to different worlds on a more permanent basis.
My world felt so tiny in comparison to some where like DXD. I would have liked to go there and flex my muscles. On the other hand of that Rias and I did not exactly have the best relationship. I did threaten her after all. The things I did because I had no will of my own. Just following the whims of the girl that I related so heavily to.
I did not regret doing those things I just accepted that I could have done things differently. The stakes were not that high Izumi only really made a mistake with words. I could have done any manner of things to placate Ashley. Instead, I decided my best course of action was to alienate my self from them.
I suppose that was to be expected. I did not want any one near me at the time. I had my heart torn to shreds and my trust shattered. I latched onto the only recognizable thing and shoved everything else away. I could not let any one close because they had the very real chance of breaking me further.
Ashley was a stabilizing force but at that moment I was far from stable. So my relationship with the rest of the group was something I was going to have to take care of.
Pyrrha might be easier to convince than the other surprisingly. She was under the impression that I was some grand evil fooling around with her emotions. Once she was faced with this being real she would have to accept that her words and threats started it all. I also slighted her pretty heavily as sicking Fortuna on her was extremely petty. It might be difficult but easier to mend that bridge. At least I hope so.
A new member should hopefully mix up everything well enough that I could make amends.
That was something that I was just going to have to deal with when it came up. For now, I was just going to enjoy the warmth of the girl lightly snoring on my chest.
Comments
Jayokuhoutenjin
Very nice
Jesse
This is some of the best character development I’ve ever seen it’s not super drawn out and overly dramatic just a guy putting his past behind him and trying to make amends and grow up Thanks nice chapter
