IHaveHidden
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Chapter 18 (Shattered Pedestal)
🕑 Added 2024-02-25 02:23:25 +0000 UTCMy euphoria has been replaced by this empty pit residing in my soul. I thought it was impossible but she broke me even further. Objectively I knew she did not have all the facts. She was making her decision on the assumption that this would end up killing them. Even still when faced with their lives or mine she chose them. It was a dagger that could not be used by anyone but her.
It would not matter in the long haul for me but she chose it with the assumption that my life would be ruined.
To say she broke my heart would be an understatement. She tore it apart so brutally that I was not even sure if it could ever recover. She did more than spit upon my trust. She used my very faith in her to decimate what little of me that remains. The very foundations that built who I was shattered into dust. I don’t know if I can ever face her and not be torn in two.
One part of me longs for happier times. For days filled with nothing but her smiles. For days spent in the library just watching her be. For hours spent hoping desperately, she would love me. For idle chatter that would warm the black thing I call a soul. For her laughter to be the only thing to mattered. It wants so much for it I could weep.
The other part truly despises her. She has answered all of my fears with a truth that cuts. She tore down the world I was trying to construct. She bled my heart for every last drop it could provide. She cemented the truth of my world even more firmly. I wanted to tear her apart for doing so even if I knew I never could. She was Lily Evans and she chose to betray me when I thought she was the only one I could trust.
She left me an empty little husk once more. The euphoric high is gone and blown to smithereens. Anything remotely positive I had felt was like dust in the wind leaving me nothing. The endless abyss that represents my lows is trying to swallow me whole. I was left with nothing positive to combat it. Ironically enough with those high’s gone I no longer had trouble controlling my emotions. I was now perfectly capable of sealing every single thing I felt. I hated every single second of this empty calm. She was the cause of this and that breaks that yearning fool into two.
No, she does not deserve my love or ire. She is a weak hesitant girl who could not love me like I loved her. Too morally just to ever accept the tar like substance I called a soul. She was just a figment of my imagination. A being that felt like it was perfect. A salvation I never felt like I could enjoy. Now I can see her for what she is. I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive her for that.
Even now I want her, despite what she has done. Still, it was now just a desire instead of the all consuming fate that it was before. I wanted her but I knew I no longer needed her. That thought tasted of ash but there was not a thing I could do about it. The girl who was Lily Evans never excited. She was just like anyone else. Fully and truly capable of hurting me.
The web that I have been weaving feels useless now. What was the point? Even if she stepped into it now I would not have what I wanted. That thing was an ideal. The wish of a lonely broken boy. I was no longer that boy so I no longer needed that wish. Even if I desperately wanted it.
So what was Severus Snape to do when he did not need Lily Evans? That was the question I was facing now. I just did not know what the answer could possibly be. I had power beyond comprehension and the endless multiverse to face. So I could quite literally run from here and never look back. Endless possibilities were mine to do with as I pleased but here I stood. Stuck in emptiness for what was the point if that dream was never really possible?
It was a pointless dilemma. I would recover. I may be Severus Snape but I picked up the pieces before I can do it again. Even if everything feels so very bleak. I was stronger than that. Even as shattered as I am now. She was no longer the only thing I could trust anymore. Fortuna may be my creation but she truly loved me for everything I was. She knew every last part of my dark empty soul and yet she still loved me. She stood in the abyss and loved me despite it. No, she loved me because of it. She was the kind of being I thought Lily was. A goddess for this sinful soul.
I should have known that when she filled my very being with the same devoted love I tried to force onto Lily. I will eventually be able to forget the pain Lily has brought me with her by my side. I will always love her for that. Not in the way I loved Lily. She was my creation after all. A being I poured my heart and soul into. So I can feel myself capable of trust even if it was only with something I birthed from my empty heart.
Isn’t that a joke? I was so sure that I was taking the right path with Lily that I wanted to lecture Ashley about her choice. Instead, I find my own faith broken before hers had shattered. No, I may have trusted the wrong person but that did not mean my path was wrong. It just meant I put far too much of my heart into Lily. If Lily truly was the kind of being I thought she was putting my trust in her would have been right. I can see that Ashley is on a path that could very well end with her death. So I will not spit on the path I have walked. If Lily was truly worth that trust it would have been beautiful. A fairy tale ending that any one would have wanted.
I suppose I have another reason to not tell Ashley how the ending of my tale turned out. Even if I was better off with this I was sure she would not be able to see that. Andrew was Ashley’s salvation a being that was what I thought Lily was. Ashley was also building a person that was not real. So it should be the right decision to shatter that illusion but she was oh so frail. I may be able to pick up the pieces but that was only because only half of me shattered. Ashley would break fully and utterly. I will not allow that to come.
She treated me like a friend. A kindred soul when the rest of the world could just never understand. The type of person who would see this scarred beast and not flinch away. Not because I felt pity but because I was exactly the same. For someone so much like me how could I allow her to shatter? That girl reached out to trust me despite her state and I will not abandon her.
That is a purpose I can accept. A wish that I can follow. It won’t be the only thing left for me but it was something that could drive me. This was not an ideal dream. A wish that could only be fulfilled in my imagination. It was something that I would do. Something that I must do. I will not allow any other outcome.
So I have something to do. She and her brother need help. So help is what I will provide. I marched towards my hideout ignoring anyone who happened to see me. It no longer mattered. I had no secrets left that would need the secrecy. If anyone found my lair they would find absolutely nothing. Nor did I care if anyone found the room. I was doing nothing that would be classified as evil. Nor did I care even if I was caught doing something illegal.
What did it matter if this world thought of me as a monster? I was one. A beast that no longer needed to hide his fangs in fear of losing a doll. A tyrant that will only act on his whims. That was who I was now. So come and face me world. It no longer mattered if I was caught for who I was.
Once I reached my destination I set up a zone that would allow me to interact with something without allowing said thing to interact with me. It was easier than expected but really I just needed to make sure the air stayed trapped in a small area. I did not need to physically touch the sample after all. So I finally opened up the sample Ashley sent me.
Two mugs popped out. They were completely average mugs that you would expect to find in any random household. The only thing off about them was the contents and the blood smeared on the handle. That is what my eyes were telling me.
The aura one of them was putting off on the other hand was insane. It reminded me of Fortuna’s aura but instead of gently interacting with the world this aura was dominating. It filled and tried to enforce its rules on everything in the room. It was only Fortuna’s own aura that stopped it from affecting me. It sang of justice, of a storm that brought change. Its presence demanded fealty and felt like it was endless. It was something so magically potent that I was frankly stunned.
The other cup of blood was completely and utterly normal so what the fuck was the difference. Surely a parasite would not scream of justice so strongly. Nor do I think it would be capable of cowling anything and everything in its presence. If that was the case then Ashley and her brother should be puppets with no will of their own. After a quick check I found that functional the blood was nearly identical. Only a few minor differences that I expected. There was nothing out of the ordinary in the blood so why did that one have so much metaphorical weight to it?
I needed more information.
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Excuse the language but what the fuck did you send me?]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: Umm our blood?]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: No I know that. It’s just that one of the samples is so magically potent it might as well be an elixir.]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Your brother is not screaming about ruling the world and how cool justice is right?]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: No. Should he be???]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: No if he was I would be worried. You are not hearing whispers along the same line right?]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: I don’t think so?]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: Wait the Chat Group apparently made me a Demi-God does that change things?]
I stared blankly at that. Of course, that would change things. That should have been obvious to anyone but I should give her some slack. She and her brother have been living a shitty life in the mundane world. So while her backstory is intriguing and saddening it would in no way allow her the experience needed when dealing with magic.
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Yes that would change things massively... Next time please include details like that.]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Right I’m not 100% sure but anything that would have affected you both. Should have died a rather painful death when faced with your new found god-hood. So I’ll concentrate on testing your brother's blood for now.]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: Right you do that. I would rather cure Andy first anyway.]
She sent me fucking ichor. I now have a divine blood sample in front of me. The things I could do with this are truly astounding. The deal went from not worth it but still doing it, to my friend needing help, and ended at holy shit I should pay her. I suppose I should ask her for permission to experiment with her blood it seemed like a breach of trust if I didn’t ask. I will get to that later as I now had to make sure her feeble mortal brother would live.
A couple quick spells and I was staring at the results in utter confusion. There were no infectious parasites in his body. Nor have there ever been any parasites. I checked Ashley’s blood as well but she was never infected either. So why the fuck did the siblings find themselves trapped in their rooms. I figured the company that infected them was trying to snuff out a plague by offing them. Instead, I find out that they are perfectly healthy. Something fishy is going on and it is well beyond what I thought it was.
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Right I have some good news and some bad news.]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: Fuck is Andy going to die!? Can you revive the dead!? Fuck.]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Right that was on me I should have just told you instead of making a dumb joke. Your brother is fine and so are you.]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: Fuck don’t be a dickhead. I was about to break down.]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Again sorry was not really thinking about it. So the good news was you and your brother are not infected with parasites.
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: The bad news is that you two are not infected with parasites. Nor have you ever been infected with parasites. So something else is going on there.]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: What the fuck!! We have been trapped in this god forsaken apartment for no fucking reason!? They were killing us for fucking no reason!?!?!?]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: I would like that gun now please and thank you.]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: Right I should have figured that would be your reaction. I’ll go get you something to kill people.]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: Something to break out of our apartment as well would be appreciated.]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: I’ll get you the weapons but you should stick put for now Ashley. Those assholes still think they are killing you. So you are not in danger right now. If you murder your way out of there you will be tracked down by someone. You would put yourself and your brother in a lot of risk for temporary satisfaction. You may be a Demi-God but your brother is still very mortal. So unless you are confident you can protect him stay.]
[Likely To Fuck Her Brother: Fuck! Why do you have to make sound arguments? I wanted to blow that fucking guard into bloody chunks.]
[Red-Head Obsessed Prince: I know Ashley and I am there for it but you know this is the wiser action.]
I just continued calming her down as I walked out of Hogwarts again. I had ingredients to collect and I did not give a fuck if they expelled me now. This whole institution will find it self blown up by laser rifle very soon. This fucking place deserves it. I was not going to do it when it was filled with students so probably during summer break.
Fuck I was going to have to take the Floo again. That thought caused me to walk back into the castle. I was going to mug Potter again he had a pretty nice broom after all. That would help me massively I was not going to walk anywhere. I would rather spend hours on a broom than experience the Floo again.
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