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A few (not really) words about Tlaero's living.
🕑 Added 2019-04-21 18:47:57 +0000 UTC
Dear friends,
It's been 48 hours, give or take, since Tlaero made the announcement that she won't be Tlaero anymore, that she's leaving this life as a writer and programmer, that she was leaving Tora Productions. I wanted to give time for her post to be seen by everyone before posting myself here about this.
For understandable personal reasons she had to think about this and make a decision in a very very short time, surprising us all. She did it because she didn't have a choice. She had to make the very difficult choice between an occupation that gives her great joy and fulfilment and the love of her life. There wasn't really a choice at all to make.
I am to understand that, of us all, it is Tlaero that suffers the most with this decision. While I keep making games - and yes, I will keep doing what I do - she won't be able to do it anymore. It is not our place to think about what she could do differently. She has had 10 years to think, every day, how she could have both of these worlds to give her happiness. It is my belief that she didn't find an answer and had to choose the option that was less harmful for her and the ones that are dear to her.
I stand by her. No matter what, I stand by her.
Tlaero has given us, has given the world, has given me so much and asked very little, if nothing at all in return.
Before Tlaero, the visual (with 3D pics) sex games where very narrow, and often even shallow, and Tlaero was a pioneer into making games that meant something, that gave the characters deepness, that made us care for them above all. We certainly steamed off our sexual drive with her games, but we also laughed, worried, cared and cried with it.
Tlaero invested so much of herself in every game. Her depart pains her in the same measure.
I'm confident that the only thing we can do to ease it for her is to honor her legacy, cherish her characters, and remember her messages, her words. For those who are in a position to create games we must try, and try hard, to keep making games that she'd enjoy play, that she'd smile, cry or care while playing. We must give meaning to what she's has offered us all.
I will. I am her padawan.
When I received her email I felt such a loss. She's alive and well, and we'll remain friends, but I felt that I lost something important in my life nonetheless. I lost a partner in crime. I felt I lost any edge I had. I somehow felt for our characters, Elsa, Miranda, Jessika, Chloe, as if they were real, as if they also lost someone too important for them. The sudden announcement caught me flat-footed, and I started imagining every possible bad scenario, every fatal implications for me, for my life. I feared for my career. Everything I am now was at the stake.
I felt anger. Despite Tlaero explaining me very reasonable causes to her decision I felt angry at her. I felt desperation. I cried, I yelled. I was a walking dead that day and the day after.
Following the anger came a profound sadness. The pain of losing Tlaero from my life. I think that was what hurt the most. She reassured me quickly, and we'll keep in touch. She will be my Ben Kenobi force spirit to my doubtful Luke. Knowing that warmed my hearth. I got up and started looking for options.
My two concerns were the English language, and the programing. While I can't write as good as Tlaero I am confident that I can write. The problem is that being non-native English I can't write good conversational English. That would be a problem. Most importantly, I can't write code, or understand the logics of basic programing. When I did Pandora by myself I had Tlaero all along by my side to help me with Adventure Creator. While she's predisposed herself to keep helping me with Adventure Creator I can't ask that of her. She wants distance, she needs to step away from anything related to Tlaero. I was really worried about that.
Out of the blue came a person that approached me, a proposed to fill in - without the arrogance of wanting to substitute - Tlaero's shoes. That person asked me to not publicly mention who he is, yet, for understandable reason, but he has 3 features that filled me with hope. The first one is that he seems to be a great dude. The second one is that he can write Pyton, the language of Ren'Py, the VN engine that everyone seems being using. And the third one is that he's a proved, and even successful writer of sex games, who has - paraphrasing - "tons of respect" from Tlaero.
You may understand now how I came from a dark place two days ago, crying rolled up in my couch to a very bright and hopeful mood I have today.
Here comes the moment when I must ask you important questions now. You are my patrons. I make games that I like to distribute freely out there, but I have the moral obligation to listen to your desires, to hear you. Ultimately I'll follow what my heart dictates but I can't make a proper decision without hearing from you.
So, the logical first thing is that you want me to keep making games. I also want that so let's check that case.
Now, which games exactly? Here are some criteria that I must clarify:
- I can't, with any certainty at all, say that I'm able to continue making games with Adventure Creator. The ongoing games we had, with AC, were Darkness Falls and Pandora. I can't say that I'll be able to make one of them in AC, even less 2.
- I don't want, in any measure, abandon our characters, Elsa, Miranda, Chloe, etc… I am, 100% willing to keep making games in the Elsaverse, in Sangrive. I would very much like to explore non-central characters we introduced already, like Serena, Eve, Janikke, Silvia, and many others.
- Darkness Falls is a game that is very dear to me. While the others game in the ElsaVerse came from Tlaero's mind only, I contributed 50% to the genesis of DF- I think that there's no other, or very very few games like that out there and so much good material has been written already that it's a shame to simply stop it here. Tlaero sent me a rough outline of what she intended for the next 3 episodes. Problem is, it's an Adventure Creator game, and I can't guaranty I can make it on my own. An option could be continuing with Ren'py but that would create a fissure between episodes and would making impossible joining all the episodes in one big season.
- Pandora isn't the game I most want to make right now because it's isn't a story that fascinates me as much as DF and because, again, Adventure Creator. It's in early stages enough for me to try to put it in Ren'py format but this day I don't have my hearth much in it.
- The dude I talked you about also has, naturally, his own ideas. No need to clarify, he's not Tlaero. He's a dude, not a gal. He has his style. But I discussed the important things with him and he's on the same frequency as Tlaero and I. He wants to write stories where respect is adamant, where good commendable actions are rewarded and when despicable (to Tlaero's and mine sensibilities) are punished. The only big difference I see that might come from his writing is in the sexual side. So, from my perspective, he's a writer, a very good one, that wants to write compelling and rich stories, with profound character development, but also with more naughty parts, more hardcore things if you must. The way I see it it's only gain. And for those who prefer a mildly sexual game there are easy options to put in the game interface to skip out more hardcore parts. That's adaptable I think.
- I will, myself, whenever I have free time, commit to learn Ren'py, to learn how to make a game by myself. To become independent. I won't learn how to write conversational English but that's the easy part with proofreading helps the internet provide. I have an idea of a game in my head but won't talk about it. I'll use that idea as a test subject in my learning of Ren'Py. I don't want to get caught flat-footed ever again. Making these games is too important to me to be dependent on someone.
- If it's your desire I will keep the weeklies and captions contest. I know that some of you like it. I'll keep making pictures for self-improving purposes though.
I think that a poll is the best way to hear your opinion on the path to follow now. I won't make the poll today, and perhaps not tomorrow, but the day after. I want to hear your words first on what I said here. You may comment what you want me to do next too. A poll is just an easily mechanism for me to interpret your opinion.
Lastly, thank you for your amazing support of Tlaero. I'm sure that she was deeply touched by your words.
Let's hear from you now.
Mortze
