Kenny Wright
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While We Were Apart: Senior Year 4
🕑 Added 2025-01-17 14:00:12 +0000 UTC
Chapter 5
I’m not sure what I was expecting. For Morgan to chase after me? For Jeremy to stop me and tell me that I was being an idiot? For me to come to my senses and turn and say I was all wrong?
Instead, I kept walking… walking… walking until it was too late. When I did turn to look back, the door was closed, neither Jeremy nor Morgan standing there waiting. Probably already in the house, Jeremy taking advantage of his vulnerable “friend.”
I felt loss and regret. I felt my whole world blowing away, like I’d torn my life into little pieces and tossed them into the wind. Maybe I should have turned around and marched back up to Jeremy’s. I don’t know. The prospect of dealing with his smug smile was too much.
I found Dan at last. He was eating at the Caf, far less hung over than me. “You look like shit, my friend,” he said over a bowl of Lucky Charms. “How late did you stay out last night?”
I shrugged. “Where did you go?”
“Well, after Denise and I finished dealing with the trainwreck you and Molly caused, we kind of didn’t see much of a reason to go back to the party.” He stared at me, and I caught his meaning.
“She was a cute blonde.”
“Not natural,” he confessed. “Although who cares when she can suck a dick like that?”
“Sounds like you’re in love.” I fell into the seat across from him. “I broke up with Morgan.”
The spoon of cereal actually fell out of his hand, splashing across the table. “You… what?”
I groaned. “Just now. I went to Jeremy’s—”
“Who’s Jeremy?”
“Guy from the study abroad program. Pretty sure they hooked up.”
“And she was there with him?” Dan pressed.
“No, but I thought she was. Guess he texted her. She showed up later.”
“Okay,” he said slowly. “Still not getting why you broke up.”
“Because she was going to hook up with him eventually,” I said. “Because she deserves a guy like that.”
Dan blinked. “Like what?”
“I don’t know. Like… someone good looking who’s going to graduate and make a lot of money and throw fancy parties and shit.”
Dan rubbed his eyes. “You think Morgan wants to marry a… a fuckin’ future lobbyist? Because I don’t think we’re talking about the same girl.”
He did make sense. Where was he when I needed him this morning? “No, that’s not what I meant.”
“Then what do you mean? And why the hell did you break up with the best thing to ever happen to you?”
“Because it was inevitable.” I said it with enough rage that Dan finally backed off. “Maybe she won’t end up with Jeremy, but I don’t think she’ll end up with me.”
“That’s horseshit, man.” Dan looked frustrated, but also softened his tone when he saw my jaw set. “You two were great—are great. I only joke that she’s out of your league. She’s not. She’s hot, yes, but she’s not hot in the way that… like Rachel is.” Rachel was a girl Dan hooked up with, on and off, until he got tired of how high maintenance she was. “She’s grounded, and better, she makes you grounded.”
“But… but England—”
“You fucked other girls, too!” Dan quieted down when he started to draw looks our way. “Stop being a dumbass hypocrite. Do you want to run off with Molly?”
“No, of course not.”
“So why do you think she wants to run off with this… Jerry guy?”
“Jeremy.”
“Whatever. It’s a phase. It was fun. And she came back to you. She didn’t need to. She could have kept things broken off.”
“I… suppose that’s all true.”
Dan picked up his spoon again and scooped some of the soggy cereal up. “Of course it’s true. So, you going to fix this?”
“No. What’s done is done.” I thought of Jeremy and cringed inside. “I’m thinking of transferring.”
“No you’re not,” he said, incredulous.
“No, I’m not, but I kind of want to crawl into a hole for the rest of this year, just get through graduation and get the hell out of here.”
“Try the library, I hear it’s pretty secluded.”
I shook my head. “That wouldn’t work. I’d definitely run into Morgan there.”
***
The days immediately after the breakup felt like a terrible nightmare, and all I needed to do was will myself to wake from it. Only, “waking up” from this dream would require me to confront what a boneheaded thing that I’d just done, and I was still very much boneheaded about it.
Morgan called. I ignored the calls. I wanted to wallow a little longer. I’d answer her the next time, I told myself. Or the time after that. But the calls didn’t keep coming. After a few days, they just stopped.
“If she really cared, she’d actually come visit,” I told Dan.
“You are a fucking idiot. You broke up with her.”
“Exactly,” I said emphatically, even though it didn’t make any sense.
“So you’re what? Just going to ghost her?”
I nodded. “That is my current plan, yes.”
“You are a fucking idiot,” he repeated. But he left it alone.
I didn’t transfer, of course, but I did keep to myself a lot more. Many of my friends were Morgan’s friends, and I just didn’t want to deal with that. I studied more than I ever had. I worked out everyday—at the older gym on the opposite side of campus. I wallowed in my own misery.
Not that I didn’t see Morgan around. The first time I saw her was over a month since the breakup—amazing how quickly time passed. Dan had talked me into going to a Halloween party at some frat house. She’d come, too, along with Cassidy, from the London program. From the minute I saw her, I realized what a mistake it was to come… and yet I couldn’t make myself leave.
They were quite the pair—Morgan in red as sexy devil, Cassidy in white as sexy angel. Morgan’s costume was nothing more than a midriff baring tube top, a pair of red booty shorts, and red horns in her dark hair.
It was clear from her expression that Cassidy had dragged her here, just as Dan had me. She scanned the crowd with a weariness that I felt all the time now. When her eyes passed me, my heart jumped. I wanted to run before realizing that my identity was hidden behind my Scream mask.
She doesn’t even linger on me, though, one moment she’s there, the next she’s being pulled into the next room by Cassidy, where people were dancing
I skulked around the edges of the party like a total creep, pretending to ignore Morgan while checking her out every chance that I got. Had she always been so sexy? Had her hair always been that long, flowing in light brown waves about her bare shoulders. Had she always been so thin?
I couldn’t help thinking about the last Halloween that we spent together. This was before her trip to London, during our freshmen year. We’d spent it watching a horror movie under a blanket rather than going out. I specifically remember her saying, “I’m not going to dress up as a sexy version of whatever just to get some booze.”
Yet there she was at this party, wearing so little, and looking so… comfortable. It didn’t feel good to watch, yet I couldn’t stop watching.
Morgan wasn’t put off by the attention. If anything she seemed to revel in it now. Her navel piercing flashed red to match her skintight shorts, and her initial reluctance was soon replaced by that easy, casual smile of hers.
She danced with Cassidy, slinky and sexy, angel and devil putting on one hell of a suggestive show. It was the kind of act that I’d seen a few times before at parties like this—girls trying to catch the attention of guys. I just never thought that I’d see Morgan doing it.
I had to admit, it was pretty effective. It also kept me away. I briefly entertained this fantasy of going up to her, dancing with her, then pulling my mask off and apologizing. In my head, it would be so easy. In my fantasy, all was forgiven.
Then two frat guys moved up behind Cassidy and Morgan, tall, muscular, good looking. The girls separated, dancing with the guys rather than one another. Mission accomplished. My heart sank.
It had been a little over a month since we’d broken up. She’d already moved on. She’d already become someone else—or maybe that transformation had happened in London and I was just now seeing it.
“Hey, let’s get out of here.” It was Dan, suddenly at my side, seeing where my eyes were fixated.
“I’m good,” I said stubbornly.
“Uh, no. You’re really not.”
The frat guy whispered something into Morgan’s ear, glancing towards the stairs as he did so. My stomach dropped. Dan tugged on my arm, but I didn’t move. I couldn’t. I just stared, like a doomed deer stares at oncoming headlights.
To my great relief, Morgan ended up shaking her head. Cassidy seemed to notice the exchange, too, swooping in to rescue her friend. The guys were forgotten. The girls moved on to another part of the room.
“Come on, dude,” Dan said. “I didn’t know she’d be here.”
“It’s cool. She’s not… we’re not…”
“Right.” He led me out. I followed.
So did dreams of that party, of Morgan as the devil, of Morgan as single. I knew that I’d made a mistake, but every time I thought about finding her and apologizing, I thought about how it would get back to Jeremy, about his proclamation that “Nothing I’ve seen here makes me think that you’re the one.” He was right, she could have anyone, and definitely didn’t need a buffoon like me.
Dan was a good friend. He didn’t push me to reconcile. He knew that I’d only dig in deeper. He gave me space, which I appreciated, but that space was lonely.
I saw her a few other times before we left for winter break. She’d be walking across the quad, or down on the Crossing going into a restaurant with friends. She looked the same. She looked happy. I know it was wrong, but that only helped keep me away.
In early December. I was done with my finals. Winter break was just a few days away. I was feeling relieved to get away from it all—from school, from the exams, from the constant fear that I’d run into Morgan and things would get awkward.
Of course that was exactly when I ran into Morgan.
And it was awkward.
For me, anyway. It wasn’t so much as me running into her, but me overhearing her. I was leaving my advisor’s office when a huge group of people were let out of one of the lecture halls, chattering and relieved to be finished with whatever final they were taking. Of course, Morgan was amongst them all, looking as amazing as ever in a pair of black leggings and a big, puffy winter coat.
My heart skipped. It would have been so natural to slip in beside her, give her a sheepish “hello,” and move past the last few months of separation. Even in my head, I knew it couldn’t possibly go down like that. I almost did it anyway, swept up in the exuberance that came at the end of a hard semester.
Only she wasn’t alone. I blinked and realized that Jeremy was beside her. Worse, they seemed chummy and chatting. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I couldn’t even really see their faces from where I was, lost in the crowd behind them. But my motivation was dead and buried in the cold, winter ground. Were they together now? Had I done that? My gut churned regardless.
I lagged behind, letting the crowd flow around me, taking Morgan in its wake. I watched her go, seeing her turn to Jeremy and smile at something that he said. My chest tightened. I felt awful. Just awful. I let her go.
***
I did a lot of navel-gazing over winter break, reflecting on my actions and my attitudes. I was a profoundly jealous person, and I’d let that jealousy turn small things into epic events. Would I have done things differently? Absolutely. But what was done was done. All it took was the thought of Morgan and that smile that she shared with Jeremy, and I was done.
“No Morg?” my older brother, Alexander, asked when he swung by our parents’ house. “See, Justin, I told you he should have gone to England with her last year.”
Justin, my younger brother, was only half-paying attention. He was glued to his phone, sending texts to his own girlfriend. “Right, like it’s that easy.”
“For a girl like Morgan, I would have done everything I could to get into that study program.”
“Like get good grades?” Justin needled. “Now that’s some crazy talk.”
“Go fuck yourself.”
I excused myself from my brothers, and they seemed more than content to mess with each other. At least the break wasn’t going to be a quiet one. Meant that I wouldn’t spend the majority of it thinking about Morgan and what she was up to.
But I didn’t need to imagine. I found that out during my first week back at school.
***
“So how was your break?”
“Kind if slow. Hard to find much pussy in my sleepy little home town.”
“That’s why you bring the pussy along with you.”
That was Jeremy talking.
“Easier to do when you spend your winter break in Aspen.”
That was some guy I didn’t know. And me? I was frozen in the stall of the gym’s locker room as these two had this painfully stereotypical, locker room chat.
The guy I didn’t know pressed on. “So who did you bring this time? Bianca? Cassidy? Morgan?”
Hearing Morgan’s name in the mix was like getting struck by a bolt of lightning. I nearly choked. The fear of being discovered, hiding in a bathroom stall, sent a second, teeth-clenching bolt through me.
“Yes?” Jeremy said with a chuckle. “My parents’ chalet is big enough for a nice group of us.”
“Your parents chalet,” the guy chuckled. “Where was my invitation?”
“Corey, I did invite you. You told me that you hated skiing.”
The guy—Corey, apparently—said, “If I’d known it was just an excuse to party, I would have been happy hanging out in your hot tub.”
“Everything is an excuse to party, Cor. And there was plenty of hanging out in the hot tub.”
“Damn, man. Bummed I missed that.”
“You should be,” bragged Jeremy. “Here, check it out.”
I heard the swick of a phone being unlocked. The desire to see what Corey was seeing was vert strong. Especially as he gasped and said, “Wow. Mo’s got some great tits.”
Zap.
“Right? It’s like the more you take off, the bigger they get.”
Double zap.
“They keep those tops on?” Corey pressed.
“Fuck no, but they wouldn’t let me take any more pics. You’re just going to have to believe me when I tell you that Morgan may have the most perfect pair I’ve ever seen. Don’t get me wrong, Cassidy’s got some nice, big tits, but I like Morgan’s more—like the perfect, perky rack.”
“So fucking jealous.” Corey said it, but I was feeling it—feeling it like bile rising up my gullet.
“I still can’t believe her boyfriend broke up with her,” Corey said.
“It definitely made senior year more exciting,” Jeremy agreed. “It’s fucking hot to see the fun girl we knew in London again. You should have seen her eyes light up when I told her I invited Lo to Aspen.”
“Lorenzo was there? Now I’m really bummed I didn’t go.”
“Next time. We’re thinking of flying out to Ibiza for Spring Break. His parents have a place there…”
They were getting quieter now, heading for the exit at last.
“Count me in. Not going to miss another…”
And they were gone. The door shut.
I wanted to throw up the whole way back to my place. When I got there, I jerked off instead. It was… confusing.
Comments
Jack Blamo
Its a tough narrative, kids do dumb things, and find it hard to wind it back after. as readers we see the clearer choices to happiness. I am also stuggling to empathise with Nathan and hope as things progress we see his character develop more. I also think you sometimes need to plough through for the best narrative. I didnt like Logan McRae the detective in Stuart MacBride's novels to start with but by the end of the first book i was hooked.
Nail
This is very reassuring to read Kenny! I agree with your assessment that the fantasy often times finds its origins in insecurity. I think on a rare case there is something else to it, like Brett in Blonde3C, but yeah I understand where it is coming from. I find much of Nathan relatable in a way on a personal level, as if I am staring at my younger self. At other times though I feel that he wallows where I would have shown more action. So it is leading to more emotions from my end haha I must add though that upon re-reading the story I think I may be more harsh on Morgan than she deserves. So yeah I'll trust the process.
@hebridesdrifter
Yes, if this relationship has a future, we need to see the roots of their chemistry. (Hopefully in the next installment.) There’s definitely a sexual attraction for the two of them, but where’s the fiber that makes them work as a couple? And Nathan REALLY needs to get over himself and start fighting FOR her, not WITH her.
Kenny Wright
Don't worry, I'm not going to change the whole trajectory of Morgan and Nathan's story. I just meant that I have some more work to do to tell it, and for you all to see what I see with them. Everyone is spot on, though. We don't see their chemistry, so there aren't any stakes in their relationship. And the more I thought about it, the more that's actually a fine take away. They're in college. They're still learning about one another, and they're still prone to make mistakes (both Nathan and Morgan, just in different ways). Also, remember that this is still me. I'm a hotwife author, and I seem to see everything through the lens of the hotwife fantasy. So this is both a hotpast story, but also a hotwife origin story. Nathan is REALLY far from this, but we also see the seeds get planted here. Or at least, that's my hope. Often times, this fantasy has origins in insecurity, and it's a way of coping. Nathan's getting a healthy dose of insecurity. And don't worry. I'm not going to snap my fingers and brush aside all of your concerns to force these two to work. They need to work at things, too.
Jack Dawson
Another thing different from Separated with benefits is that prior to what happened, it showed the chemistry between the couple as they tried to date each other again. It gave more weight to that moment. Such similar context should be added for this couple too, would make one root for them more. Because as it stands, what Jeremy says about him not deserving her, rings kind of true.
Nail
While I agree it reminds me of Separated with benefits, the difference here is though he overreacted to hearing Nicole being intimate. Here the couple is just so young. He overreacted to a figment of his imagination. You are 100% right about Nathan, Jack. Much of what is happening is as a result of Nathan's immaturity. He humiliated Morgan and Molly, broke up with Morgan without having a talk and then just ghosted her. At the same time though, Morgan couldn't see his insecurities, something which people around Nathan could see very quickly. Including total strangers. The maturity just isn't there for this young couple I feel, but yeah you are right Morgan shouldn't need coddle and reassure him. It was so obvious that to Morgan, Nathan was her world. So obvious to everyone but Nathan. I too hope Kenny sticks to his original vision, but as things are with Nathan... And you know that too is fine, you cannot and should not please everyone when writing, and maybe this specific story is just not for me.
Jack Dawson
This plot direction reminds me of your other book, 'Separated with benefits'. The mc in that pulled of something similar. As I did back then, I think this is mostly on nathan, he seems to get off on this self-flagellation. I think expecting Morgan to chase after him, after he blew up everything himself due to his own insecurities is very self absorbed and immature of him. Others are arguing that Morgan seems unconcerned and cold. I don't see how he would seem much different from her POV. I mean he broke things up with her publicly, in addition to what he did at the party(with no fault of her own, in her own mind), she probably would have found that a bit humiliating and caused some insecurity. She doesn't need to coddle and reassure him, he isn't a child. Especially as he doesn't even communicate any of that with her. I hope you stick to your original vision of the story and don't unnecessarily overcorrect
D375
Also props to Dan for being a good friend.
D375
Nathan isn't in a great place but even though he's sad about breaking up with Morgan he still has some positive tendencies. He's studying hard and going to the gym. Those could both be big in the long run by setting him up for a good paying job once he graduates and living a healthy lifestyle. Other than self isolating he hasn't been self-destructive. It's not like he's getting blackout drunk, dropped out of school, started eating super unhealthy / gained a ton of weight, or gotten into hard drugs. In the big scheme of things Nathan's doing half-way decent. He just needs time to get his head on straight.
Nail
That is a good one! Yeah that would be a great step in the right direction.
Nail
Ah I see the comment now, yes you are right. Interesting, yeah so there is some redemption for Morgan and Nathan both. Time can heal most wounds. I think the theory that she isn't really as confident and secure as everyone thinks she is is probably the one Kenny is going for. But man if she ends up fucking Jeremy and Nathan will be there to witness that, that would be justification of all of Nathan's feelings and break him completely. I mean it's a self fulfilling prophecy in a way, but that is going to make for a VERY long and winding road. But I know some of us did say for Kenny to go darker hahaha.
@hebridesdrifter
Anyone else read any symbolism in the cover art for this chapter? Third or fourth time I saw it, Morgan’s Halloween costume kinda captures the duality of Nathan’s feelings for her - part angel/part devil.
Tracey52
Are you sure? I’m not sure I like that we are putting you off your original vision for this story. Plus having to wait of course😜
Tracey52
Yes! He woke up to Morgan sucking him off. Read it again. It well written. If anything, KW could have milked it a little longer.
Nail
Edited. A bit too dark.
reuben james
Kenny you replied to a question I had about I'm still not understanding how “Harder! Fuck me… harder!” Morgan was moaning for it. Begging for it. “Fuck it into me!” "That's my girl" Jeremy said" isn't mentioned by Nathan when he gives a reason for leaving Morgan, has he mentally wiped that out of his mind? What am I missing Kenny? You said it was a dream, where is that in the story?
reuben james
how is that? does the story indicate that?
quizkid
Kenny, using bad/no communication to create drama/tension is, to me, lazy and unnecessary. I know you can do healthy (relatively 😀) and hot at the same time, you do it all the time. I see this trope in TV, movies, and literature and I personally am over it, as much as I am frustrated by it. There is literally no reason for Nathan not to have talked with her, as worse case he ends up broken up with her anyway. As for Morgan, there is no reason that she should not want to get closure on a relationship she professes to want (I am assuming that this part would have been better explored in a later part). So for 5 minutes of talking (not to mention any make-up sex 😀), that both characters should want, unravels the whole plot to this point for me.
Nail
Hahaha spot on again Chris! Fuck Jeremy.
Kenny Wright
Thanks all. Your feedback all makes perfect sense to me. I follow it all. And their relationship and story was never meant to be a sprint, but a long and winding road. This does make me want to write a different book 2 though, so we won’t be launching right into the one that I’ve got.
Nail
But I agree with Chris K though. It is a fine story and honestly hot past stories will be very rough in general, there is no helping that. It is also why I think they do not always get the HEA as well. Sometimes the emotional turmoil is too much and that is just a natural course for the story as well. Not that I'd want that for Nathan and Morgan, but it all needs to make sense really.
Nail
Well a part of it is because you are seeing the comments fresh with emotion, but yeah it is a rough one.
Nail
You hit the nail on the head there Chris K. That has been my struggle with Morgan too. But a part of me thinks that Morgan isn't really okay either. I had a theory that all that sex is her way of reclaiming Nathan and showing what he has missed, but it all just had the opposite effect and created a rift between them. She should have talked, but I think she feared the talk.
Donkatsu
We are expecting a hot 21 y/o to turn down private jets, Christmas in Aspen, Spring break in ibiza for a wallower like Nathan? In what world? Time for the boy to up his game. But it still may not be enough.
Kenny Wright
Woof. I did want this to be a rough start, but not quite this bad. I’ll post the last chapters Tuesday and take a step back to assess their story as a whole.
Chris K
@hebridesdrifter
This was one of the most disturbing and depressing entries I’ve ever read from KW. Nathan’s self-pitying, fetishization of his sadness is simultaneously disgusting and concerning. This is the very definition of someone suffering from depression. He genuinely needs professional help.
Nail
You are right D375, there needs to be a compelling reason. At this point it is very difficult to see one, because I feel we haven't yet seen pre-london Nathan. He has just been an absolute mess. However, Tracey52 mentioned a couple chapters back something which I think may help: jealously works both ways. We are obviously seeing Morgan now as this confident and outgoing woman, but she has her own insecurities. The way she showed up at his doorstep, not knowing if Nathan had moved on, she felt awkward and vulnerable then. Dan alluded to it in this chapter as well. In Nathan's mind Morgan is this unattainable goddess, yet Dan is like: "she is not as hot as Rachel". She also has been very immature, both at the party and for trusting an asshole like Jeremy. I think if she sees Nathan with someone else, I think Morgan is going to lash out in her own way and that is when Nathan starts following her and what leads to a confrontation. Thing is, before that Nathan needs to stop believing that Morgan is "too good for him" because Jeremy said so. Going by Dan's comments Nathan likely slept around more than Morgan did.
Smoke
This story is really a downer right now, hope it gets sunnier soon as winter weather is blue enough.
D375
Naillesy - I think you're spot on about Nathan going nuclear and having a breakdown at some point if he goes the stalker/voyeur route. That begs the question of why Morgan would get back together with him? Normally stalking is seen as a creepy/unhealthy/weird behavior. I get plot armor but there should be a compelling reason in there for both of them.
EPS
Oh gross you may be right but that sounds awful
EPS
Exactly this is turning into a very well written drama.
Nail
I agree D375, it feels like the stalker / voyeur is what is going to drive them to eventually talk, but... I liked your theory last chapter more where he moves on first. If not with Molly at least someone who is more attentive to the jealously side of Nathan. Even if the stalker / voyeur could bring them together, he will eventually just go nuclear again if he is like this.
Kenny Wright
It was a dream.
Nail
You know Kenny, I wonder sometimes if I read all your stories episodically how I would have reacted chapter per chapter and I now know how haha. I trust you have a plan for Morgan and Nathan in the end, you always do (even Amanda won me over in the end) but man as a couple so far Morgan and Nathan just make me sad. The overwhelming feeling is that neither of them (although Nathan is clearly driving this) are mature enough to survive the London break and senior years as a couple. Nathan needs to rebuild himself and find someone in his life he doesn't feel intimidated by. Morgan should just move on because she has changed past Nathan.
D375
I agree with all of that. It would be great to make Morgan more three dimensional. What else does she have going on than just being an attractive and attentive girlfriend? There also has to be something to snap Nathan out of this cycle of self-pity. My hunch is that Nathan will become a stalker / voyeur, Morgan will find out, and then they'll eventually talk.
Nail
I think that happened in Nathan's dreams and not in reality.
reuben james
I'm still not understanding how “Harder! Fuck me… harder!” Morgan was moaning for it. Begging for it. “Fuck it into me!” "That's my girl" Jeremy said" isn't mentioned by Nathan when he gives a reason for leaving Morgan, has he mentally wiped that out of his mind? What am I missing Kenny?
Nail
So generally things are going between Nathan and Morgan as I expected it would go. Didn't expect our guy from London to make an appearance so soon though. So Lorenzo is the guy. We have a name now... and yeah I was right about Jeremy. Morgan not seeing through that makes her again ugh. She is very hot, true, but other than that? Not seen much of her I actually like. Than there is Nathan. Seeing him wallowing like this is just making for a really sad read. This is the guy who wowed Morgan and Molly? Made the Lesbian feel threatened? He is in a worse state now than the previous chapter. I just don't like him, he needs to be able to pull himself out of this state for me or it just isn't worth it.
