DarkMatter2525
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New Script! God Gets The Credit
🕑 Added 2021-03-08 21:49:33 +0000 UTCSCRIPT: Untitled
(theme: God getting credit for what people do)
This is the current draft of my next animation's script. Obviously skip this post if you don't want spoilers. Check out the attached picture before you read it. Those are some examples to which the script is referring. If you do read it the script, it's still early enough to give suggestions if you have them. Also, I'm still trying to think of a title. Any ideas?
*God knocks on the door to Jesus’ bedroom. No answer. God goes inside and sees something hiding under Jesus’ bed. It’s a stack of Jesus/surgery paintings. Jesus walks in, aghast*
Jesus - Dad! What are you doing in my room?
God - Jesus, have you been assisting surgeries again?
Jesus - That’s none of your beeswax! Why don’t you respect my privacy?
God - I’m omnipresent! I literally can’t respect your privacy!
Jesus - That’s no excuse!
God - Don’t you walk away from me! Jesus, I put those tumors in people for a reason. I don’t need you dicking around with my hard work.
Jesus - Whatever.
*scene - Doctor’s office*
Patient’s Wife - Why should we trust you to perform the surgery?
Surgeon - Well, I have many years of education and experience, including 12 years at Mercy General, 4 years at Johns Hopkins, another 4 at the University of…
Patient’s Wife - But do you believe in God?
Surgeon - Yes. We can even pray together before the surgery if you wish.
Patient’s Wife - That’s wonderful!
Surgeon - Yes, I believe God works through me.
Patient’s Wife - So do I, which is why we won’t be using you.
Surgeon - Excuse me?
Patient’s Wife - You’re too expensive. All them years of fancy education just for God and Jesus to do all the work.
Surgeon - But…
Patient’s Wife - I’ll not have you take all the credit for Jesus’ hard work. If God can work through you, then God can work through anybody.
Surgeon - But, ma’am, I assure you…
Patient’s Wife - Assure nothing. I know somebody we can actually afford.
*Scene - 2 hours later, patient’s house. Little kid, Jimmy, is mowing the lawn*
Patient’s Wife - Jimmy get in here and do your pa’s heart surgery!
*Jimmy looks scared, but Jesus appears next to Jimmy*
Jesus - It’s okay, Jimmy. We got this.
*scene - kitchen. Jimmy is guiding a pair of hedge clippers into his father’s open chest*
Jesus - Easy...easy…
*Jimmy closes the hedge clippers, and the heart flops onto the kitchen floor*
Jesus - no no no no no no no *Jesus picks up the heart, blows the dirt off it, and crams it back into the chest cavity* Jeffery! Jeffery! Could you come down here please?
Jeffery - What’s up? Whoa what the hell are you doing?
Jesus - Does that look right to you?
Jeffery - Um...no....why is this guy’s heart upside-down?
Jesus - Damn it damn it damn it
Patient’s Wife - Honey? Honey? Oh dear lord where’s his pulse?
Jesus - Sorry everyone I gotta go to the bathroom I’ll be right back bye *runs away*
*scene - outside the house, Jesus pacing*
Jesus - Shit shit shit what’s dad gonna say? He’s gonna crucify me.
Jeffery - So just come back to life.
Jesus - Jeffery, I’m in so much trouble. I wasn’t supposed to assist surgeries anymore.
Jeffery - Okay, calm down. Let’s think through this rationally. Why did he need surgery in the first place?
Jesus - Some kind of heart defect I think.
Jeffery - A heart defect that would cause him to…
Jesus - To die?
Jeffery - And death exists because of…
Jesus - Sin?
Jeffery - And sin exists because of…
Jesus & Jeffery - Adam!
*Scene - Garden of Eden*
Eve - Hey, Adam, want some fruit? It’s reaaaaaaallly tasty.
Adam - *giggles*
Jesus - *suddenly appears and slaps the fruit out of his hand* Stop it! *slaps the back of his head* Idiot.
*Scene - kitchen*
Patient’s Wife - Are you sure you’re feeling okay, honey?
Patient - Yeah, never better.
Patient’s Wife - But...but your heart is on the floor.
Patient - I guess I don’t need it.
Jesus - Oh wow I guess it worked. It doesn’t even look like it hurts.
Jeffery - Why would it? If all pain and suffering was because of Adam eating that fruit, then having a gaping hole in your chest shouldn’t hurt one bit.
Jesus - Wait. What about…
Jeffery - The nervous system God intelligently designed to feel pain before Adam even ate the fruit?
Jesus - Yeah.
Jeffery - Don’t ask. I already went over that with him.
God - *suddenly appears* Hey! Jesus!
Jesus - Oh….hey...hey, dad. What’s up?
God - You mind telling me why there are 47.5 trillion people on earth?
Jesus - Um….no reason. Why?
God - You did it, didn’t you? I knew I should’ve taken away your beyond time privileges. Now people are gonna be happy and live forever. Is that what you want?!
Jesus - Well...yeah...kinda. Isn’t that what heaven is supposed to be?
God - Um...sure...but...if they don’t experience a bunch of bullshit on earth first, how are they supposed to appreciate….
Jesus - *huge gasp* You actually WANTED Adam to eat the fruit!
God - Shhhhhhh! Keep it down. You know how people like to follow you around and write shit down.
Jesus - Okay, I got an idea. Let’s make a deal. *whispers in God’s ear*
*scene - Garden of Eden*
God - *crams fruit into Adam’s mouth*
*scene - waiting room at hospital*
Surgeon - I know you’ve been worried. After all, the surgery took 12 hours, but that’s what years of hard work, school and experience taught me to do. Your husband is going to be just fine.
Patient’s Wife - Oh thank you, Jesus.
Jesus - My pleasure.
