DarkMatter2525
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PragerU Parody
🕑 Added 2020-07-05 20:52:00 +0000 UTCI had three ideas for videos: the next episode of Power Corrupts, a video about how religion has affected our perception of justice, and a PragerU parody. 50% of people wanted to see the PragerU parody, with the other two evenly divided. So, I'm working on the parody, which required watching a lot of PragerU, and now I can't wait for the heat death of the universe. The common theme of PragerU is that everything left wing is evil and everything right wing is benevolent. This is surprisingly difficult to satirize, because hyperbole so often resembles their sincere opinions, but I gave it a try. If you're interested in giving me some feedback, criticism, suggestions, etc, before I do the bulk of the animation, here's the script:
Everything bad throughout all of history has been the fault of...the left.
*cute little popup noises with icons for genocide, war, disease, famine, etc.
Everything good throughout all of history has been because of...the right.
*cute little popup noises with icons for cake, money, boobs, medicine, mansions, etc.
This fact has been known by every historian throughout all of history…
*scholar icons on the right with pompous talk noises*
...and those who deny it are merely expressing their feelings - not the facts.
*baby icon on the left with crying noise, until a scholar shoves in his binky*
As you can see, all of the data supports the fact that the right is better than the left.
*bar chart, line graph, pie chart, and venn diagram with left/right, better/worse metrics*
The right believes in the highly scientific idea of a benevolent wrathful God who created you for a purpose, to love and worship, and He will reward you with an eternity of happiness.
*Heaven graphics with everyone laughing and being happy*
All of the best countries of the world have the highest percentage of God belief, counties like: Democratic Republic of Congo, Mexico, Pakistan, and Colombia.
*Country graphics*
The left believes in no God, that we are all a random accident with no purpose, and the highly unscientific idea that we evolved from animals, and therefore there is no right and wrong, and you can do whatever you want.
*Graphics of rabid cannibals eating each other*
All of the worst countries of the world have the lowest percentage of God belief, countries like: Estonia, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, and the Czech Republic.
*Country graphics*
The left wants white people to feel guilty for slavery…
*Brown figure pointing down at kneeling white figure*
....but did you know that starvation happened in communist countries and every leftist supports everything that ever happened in every communist country?
*Both figures become skinny, turn into skeletons, and fall apart*
Slaves in America, on the other hand, were allowed to have such delicacies as cornmeal, water, and sometimes even bones with leftover meat still attached.
*cute little popup noises with icons for cornmeal, water, and bones with meat*
How absurd is it that we are supposed to feel guilty for taking care of our fellow human beings?
*Happy grateful chained up brown figures in front of a Confederate Flag*
The left believes in things like climate change.
*Icon of a thermometer getting hotter next to the earth*
Could it be that scientists have a consensus on climate change because they were paid off by the big solar panel industry? Consensus or agenda?
*Scientist figure handed money by clandestine figure in a suit next to a solar panel*
It is true that we are currently undergoing earth’s sixth major worldwide extinction, the Holocene extinction, but is that really anything to be concerned about?
*Plant and animal icons being crossed out, humans shrug*
The left seems to think so, but how ridiculous is it to believe that the climate can adversely affect agriculture, make equatorial areas too hot to survive, drive mass migration, and affect human sustainability in the near future?
*scene showing plants wilting, deserts forming, people leaving*
Meanwhile, the very wealthy fossil fuel donors who support us obviously have no vested interest in discrediting climate change...
*Smiling figure in a hardhat helping an old lady cross the street in front of smokestacks belching smoke*
...because the right believes in the undeniable scientific fact that a mischievous fallen angel known as the devil will trigger the actual end of civilization at any moment without warning, even right this very second, only to eventually be defeated in an epic battle as God’s son returns to the earth and raises the dead.
*Fantastical Armageddon graphics*
Obviously the left is living in a fantasy land, while the right once again believes in facts over feelings.
The left wants there to be a big government…
*Big state building with a tiny flag*
...that will allow you to do whatever you want to your own body, like take drugs, have relations with people of the same gender, or even have gender reassignment surgery.
*cute popup noises with drug icons, same sex icons, genitalia icons with question marks*
The right believes in a small government…
*Little state building with a big flag*
...that will arrest you and put you in jail for inhaling plant smoke, disallow consenting adults from marrying a loved one of the same gender, and restrict surgeries you may need whether it be through the benevolent ideology we impose on you, or through the prohibitively expensive healthcare system we advocate.
*Soldiers and police point guns at people*
Clearly, the right favors freedom, while the left favors tyranny.
Another example is that the left believes in cancel culture, and thinks you should be fired for expressing opinions with which they disagree, even if you’re just making jokes.
*Angry crowd booing*
The right does not think you should be fired for expressing any opinions or making any jokes...unless you joke about God, Jesus Christ, Christianity in general, you’re openly gay or trans gender, you don’t stand for the national anthem, or fellate a veteran upon request.
*cute popup noises with icons for God, Jesus, the cross, LGBT, the flag, veteran fellated*
The right doesn’t believe in cancel culture at all, but does believe in the much more benevolent right-to-work laws, which means you can be fired at any time, for any reason, without legal recourse for wrongful termination, which is totally different and not at all similar to being fired for very specific reasons.
*Figure of boss pointing at sad employee to get out*
The left believes you should be able to discriminate against people based on their opinions.
*Figure of a head thinking of slavery, genocide, pineapple on pizza*
The right does not believe you should be able to discriminate against people based on their opinions, except for the really bad ones we don’t like, and of course because of the way you happen to have been born.
*Figure of a head thinking of atheism, leftism, people of different races, sexual orientation (pride flag), etc*
The left favors a powerful complex government, because they don’t understand that the state can be corrupt and incompetent.
*Icons of money navigating a maze beneath a statehouse, leading to schools, hospitals, etc*
But the right does understand this fact, so we favor a very limited government with tax dollars cut from all social programs & schools, and instead funneled directly into an extremely powerful military, and militarized police force…
*Icons of money flowing to an army and police force that look identical*
...and a strict justice system that will enable the corrupt incompetent state to legally sentence you to death.
*Icons of a queue of people receiving lethal injections*
If we successfully reduce the government to being nothing more than an apparatus of deadly force and brutal punishment, it would obviously reduce the chance for tyranny. This is why the right favors LAW & ORDER, and the left does not.
*Armed men hovering over the people*
The right understands, but the left does not.
The left believes the poor should get handouts from the government. This is called welfare, and it is done because the left is lazy and they bribe the government with votes.
*circle of arrows: ballot to politician to government to money to poor people*
The right believes the rich should get handouts from the government. This is called subsidy, and it is done because the right works hard and lobbies the government.
*circle of arrows: small stack of cash to politician to government to large stack of cash to businessman. Bribe crossed off, kickback crossed off, lobby circled*
If you are poor and you fail, it doesn’t matter much anyway, because you were unimportant to begin with. You need to stop being lazy and pull yourself up by your bootstraps.
*poor person trying to pull himself up by his bootstraps*
If you are rich and you fail, it is vitally important for the government to bail you out, because you are important and the government can simply print more money whenever needed.
*printer printing money into pocket of guy with top hat and monocle*
It is vital to never regulate responsible allocation of the money the wealthy receive from the government, so that they may allocate it to themselves in investments and golden parachutes.
*Dow goes up as guy with golden parachute floats down*
Employees can always simply have their pay and benefits reduced, or just lay them off, as long as it isn’t for the unjust reason of yelling the n-word at people, and for the much more fair reason of allowing the CEO to continue to enjoy his lavish lifestyle.
*guy on assembly line with label “lazy” and guy playing golf with label “not lazy”*
It should by now be abundantly clear to every intelligent person that the left is responsible for everything that’s wrong with the world, and the right is responsible for everything that’s right, which is exactly why it’s called...the right. Perhaps we should start calling the left....the wrong. I’m Dennis Frager for Frager University, and unlike so-called prestigious universities that are nothing more than halls of leftist indoctrination, you can always rely on us to be an unbiased source of neutral information. Thank you.
