Rukis
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Illicit Alliance Update - 20k NEW content!
🕑 Added 2022-06-23 03:27:36 +0000 UTCThis is a huge chunk, so I can't really call it a 'chapter'. Realistically it's going to be broken down into several chapters when this manuscript eventually becomes a novel. But it's a LOT. This will fully catch up the Full Story tier and then some, and it's some of the most important scenes in the novel, arguably, so I'd really love peoples' opinions on it.
For whatever it's worth, I listened to this song a lot while writing many of the Grayson/Luther scenes. Not an advertisement for the artist, not saying it's 'their theme', the pronouns don't work, etc., just, people ask me what I listen to when I write, and this one spoke to me a lot where these two are concerned.
The idea of non-sexual love is a theme I come back to a lot with these two characters. I firmly believe in connections not being so binary as romantic or non-romantic love either, just as sexuality is a spectrum, love takes many forms.
Anyway. /end rant
*EDIT* I think I'll be going with acts instead of chapters for this story, since the initial quarter of this novel was written to be read in one chunk and I'd rather keep it that way. The ensuing 'chapters' weren't written with a traditional chapter format, either. So I'm going to break the book into four 'acts', starting with 'Dokuro', ending when they leave the island. The second act break is included in this draft and is called 'The Hunt', and the third I've just inserted after Grayson wakes in the night to see the two indentured servants at the Inn, ending with his conversation with Lotus. The following quarter, which will go right up until the end of this manuscript here, is called 'Trust'. The final quarter of the book will be called 'Dead Men Walking' and will start posting in July.
Comments
Marcwolf
Just before their ship was sunk
R. E. Thorburn
Acts instead of chapters is definitely the way to go - Grayson's voice works better when he has space to ramble across several loosely-connected scenes. The titles are fitting too. Especially 'Dead Men Walking', since the're about to let the cat out of the bag. Or y'know, the admirals out of the coffin :3
R. E. Thorburn
As you say, some important scenes here. It's honestly incredible how well their different personalities mesh and play off each other, and how those dynamics change depending on who's listening. I really like the way the Grayson/Luther relationship is developing. I'm struggling put it into words, but there's something very /right/ about the connection they have. That there isn't a sexual or explicitly romatic component helps that bond feel a lot deeper and more meaningful to me.
Rukis
Interesting! And see here I feel that I'm overly wordy, that I drag scenes out too much with introspection. Do you think you could point out to me which scenes in Kindred came too rapid fire for you? I honestly intentionally try to rush from plot point to plot point sometimes, because otherwise all I'll end up writing is trilogies XP But maybe there's a middle-ground I can find.
ForgottenEmber
I hope it's ok if I offer a more general thought about your writing. I have trouble putting my finger on the exact issue, but I feel that some of your stories feel a bit "cramped", in the sense that there's a lot of plot to go through, a lot of elements to line up with each other, and then the writing feels a bit like it rushes from scene to scene. I noticed this especially in the ending of Kindred. In contrast, illicit alliance has a certain calm and flow to it, which I think really takes your writing to the next level!
ForgottenEmber
I just finished catching up with all of illicit alliance over the past week. This has been one of the most moving stories you've written, in a low-key sort of way. The themes it deals with are subtle, and you've really given it enough breathing room to explore the characters and their complex relationships, without going into too much navel gazing. Perhaps a simpler way to say it is that I really like Grayson's narrative voice. A much deeper character than I previously gave him credit for.
Trejaan Cavelion
or... "MINDTAKER!!!"
Trejaan Cavelion
Great minds think alike?
Rukis
Thanks for being so thorough! Also lol, you and I were doing a re-read at pretty much exactly the same time, I just finished mine.
Trejaan Cavelion
those are the only errors I spotted reading through it again.
Trejaan Cavelion
I went back and forth for minutes on hand... "minutes on end"
Trejaan Cavelion
They were under and overhang for shade- "under an overhang"
Trejaan Cavelion
The mountains here were volcanic, like many island chains in this area of the world, so they younger ones tended to be like this- should be "the younger"
Trejaan Cavelion
“Monster,” Hadeon filled in for me, using the Amurescan word, and following it up with two similar translations in Hudaari, then Kadrush... should be "Huudari"
Trejaan Cavelion
“Right. Because they’re my hunting grounds, a well,” Lotus said... should be "as well"
Pravvus
I found the ending of the song powerful, and compelling. Thinking about it, relationships like theirs are something I miss about the Army.
Trejaan Cavelion
One skill that great writers have that sets them above the rest is that sense of what to focus on... which little moments or emotions, and how to emphasize them. You have that in spades!
Trejaan Cavelion
Once more, thank you for the stream, I really enjoyed being able to chat with you while you were working/sharing this with us!
Trejaan Cavelion
Also, I loved how Hades was able to work out Luther's identity. You've made him a sharp cookie, despite appearances to the contrary.
Trejaan Cavelion
I'm sure it was something someone did in a history book at some point
Trejaan Cavelion
Also, "Someone must have pressured them to get closer" Singh... you idiot!
Trejaan Cavelion
LOVE the relationship between Grayson and Luther!!! I can't wait for you to draw that image of the smile they share when they catch the first sight of the ships!
