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Chapter 123: Maximum Protection Order! The Pervy Sage and the Senju Sleepover!
🕑 Added 2025-11-02 00:31:01 +0000 UTCJiraiya turned, his face pale with disbelief, pointing a trembling finger at Tsunade. She stood behind the splintered remains of what used to be her desk, arms crossed.
"Hime. Are you kidding me?!"
"Do I look like I'm kidding, Jiraiya?" Tsunade's voice was flat.
"You're insulting my legend!" he roared, his cheeks starting to flush. "I am the gallant Sannin of Mount Myoboku! The Toad Sage! A master spy! An internationally renowned author! A shinobi whose name makes entire nations tremble!"
He paused for breath, his chest puffed up.
"And you're telling me I'm going to be a babysitter for this... this... orange fashion disaster!"
Naruto, meanwhile, had completely ignored the insult. The initial shock vanished, replaced by a slow, mischievous grin spreading across his face. He looked Jiraiya up and down, rubbing his chin with the air of a false connoisseur.
"Wait a second..."
Jiraiya narrowed his eyes, the vein in his forehead starting to pulse. "What are you looking at, brat?"
Naruto crossed his arms, nodding with almost painful approval. "A bodyguard... And not just any bodyguard! A Legendary Sannin!"
Naruto's eyes went wide.
"The famous Pervy Sage!!"
Kakashi, who had been watching silently from the door, closed his one visible eye. Naruto, please, don't...
"THIS IS AWESOME!" Naruto continued, oblivious to Jiraiya's fury. "Think about it, Pervy Sage! This is perfect! You can teach me all your super forbidden jutsu while you're standing guard!"
Jiraiya blinked. "I... what?"
"And I can be your decoy!" Naruto raised his eyebrows in a way that was meant to be suggestive and only managed to be comical. "I'll distract the pretty girls, and you... you know... 'research'!"
Jiraiya's face went from red to purple.
"MY 'RESEARCH' IS SOPHISTICATED ART, YOU IGNORANT BRAT!"
"Exactly! And I'll be your apprentice! The Hokage's 'Secret Perversion Advisor'! We can put it in an official report! 'Konoha Hot Springs Field Research'!"
"I DON'T NEED AN ORANGE DECOY SCARING OFF MY MUSES!!"
"Sure you do! We'll be the best research team in history!"
"WHAT DID YOU SAY...?!"
"ENOUGH!!"
Tsunade's voice struck the room.
She slammed her fist on the remains of her desk.
The silence was instant and absolute.
Naruto's amusement vanished. Jiraiya's indignation did too, replaced by a serious expression.
"This isn't a comedy," Tsunade said, her voice low and icy. "It's not a game. It's not a chance for your stupid 'research,' and it's not a training vacation."
She turned to them both, her eyes dark. "You are both failing to see the danger. You are alive by sheer luck."
The tension in the office grew.
"Kakashi."
Kakashi, who hadn't moved an inch, straightened. "Hokage-sama."
"Seal this office."
Naruto felt a chill.
Kakashi didn't ask. He made three quick hand signs, bit his thumb, and slammed his palm on the floor. Black symbols raced from his hand, climbing the walls and covering the door and windows. The air in the room seemed to fall silent.
"Done, Hokage-sama. What's happening?" Kakashi asked, his tone now as serious as hers.
"Jiraiya, you already know half of it. Kakashi, you are here for two reasons," Tsunade said, turning directly to him. "One, you are the only one with a Sharingan who could counter his, even for a second."
"Counter... whose?"
"Two," Tsunade continued, ignoring the question, "and more importantly: of Konoha's entire response team, you are in the most danger."
Kakashi tensed. "Hokage-sama?"
"Jiraiya and I have confirmed the nature of the threat." Tsunade took a deep breath. "It's not just Itachi Uchiha. It's his eye."
Naruto watched Kakashi. The Jounin froze.
"He possesses the Mangekyō Sharingan."
Kakashi's hand instinctively flew to his headband, his fingers clenching the fabric over his left eye.
"Mangekyō..." His voice was a choked whisper. "That... that's a legend. A clan myth. Obito never..."
"It was." Jiraiya's voice was grave, with no trace of his earlier humor. He was reinforcing Tsunade's authority, the other Sannin validating the threat. "Not anymore, Kakashi. Hime's intel is solid. It's real. And it's a weapon unlike anything you've ever faced."
"I..." Kakashi said, his voice tense. "I've fought tough enemies..."
"You haven't fought this," Tsunade cut him off. "The Mangekyō grants him a specific ability."
Naruto clenched his fists at his sides, his knuckles turning white. He stayed quiet. He was learning when to shut up.
"It's a genjutsu," Kakashi said, his Jounin mind analyzing. "I can break a genjutsu. My Sharingan can..."
"No," Tsunade said coldly. "Not one you can 'break.' It's not a normal illusion. It attacks the psyche. It traps the victim's mind in a world where Itachi controls time, space, and matter."
Kakashi's voice was barely a whisper. "Controls... time..."
"He can make you experience seventy-two hours of torture... in less than a second in the real world."
Kakashi took an involuntary step back. His breath hitched.
This was the horror he was missing. His greatest advantage, the copy-wheel Sharingan, the eye that could see through everything... was useless. Worse: it was a trap.
"Days... in a second. It's... it's an instant mental collapse. Murder of the mind."
"Yes," Jiraiya said quietly. "I've seen jutsu that tear the body apart, Kakashi. This... this erases who you are. It leaves you... empty."
"My... my Sharingan can't compete with that," Kakashi murmured. "If I look at him, he'll catch me."
"That's the point, Kakashi," Jiraiya said, taking on a commander's tone. "You can't. None of us can. The number one rule of this engagement is: DO NOT LOOK ITACHI UCHIHA IN THE EYES. It's not a suggestion. It's not a strategy. It is the only way to survive."
Kakashi swallowed, the sound audible in the sealed office. He straightened, his posture regaining its military composure, but he was visibly shaken. His shoulders were stiff.
"Understood. Misdirection. Attack without line of sight. Fight by sound. Fight blind. The rules of engagement have just completely changed."
"Good," Tsunade said. "No one can face him alone..."
She turned, her brown eyes fixed on the youngest member in the room.
"We won't let the target move."
Naruto stared at her. "The target?"
"Naruto. You are the prize. Akatsuki wants you. As of this second, you are under house arrest."
Naruto, who had been deathly serious, jumped from his chair.
"WHAT?! HOUSE ARREST?!"
"You can't do that to me!" he yelled, his voice returning to its indignant teenage tone. "I'm a ninja! I'm your Secret Advisor! I have to train! I have to eat at Ichiraku! I have things to do!"
"Stop whining, brat," Jiraiya snapped. "It's the only option. If they see you alone for one second, you're gone. Akatsuki doesn't play games. Itachi doesn't play games. You are no match for them."
"But you can't just...!"
Tsunade held up a hand, silencing him. Her gaze was firm. "I'm not finished. And no, I'm not locking you in your apartment."
Naruto blinked. "You're not?"
"Of course not. That place is a deathtrap," Tsunade said with disdain. "It's on top of a civilian building. Multiple entry points. No clear lines of sight. It's impossible to defend. One kunai with a paper bomb and you're fried. You're moving. Immediately."
Naruto's anger was replaced by confusion.
"Moving? Where? To an ANBU cell? Ibiki's complex?"
"To my house."
There was a pause.
Total silence filled the room. Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. Kakashi looked from Naruto to Tsunade.
Naruto processed the information.
His angry expression transformed. His eyes went wide. A slow, incredulous, and then absolutely massive grin took over his face.
"Wait... Seriously?"
"Yes," Tsunade said, beginning to regret her decision.
"Moving... to your house?"
"It's the Senju Residence," she growled. "It's a fortified compound in the center of the ninja district. It has walls from the First Hokage's era, sealing barriers, and a single point of entry. It's the safest place in the village."
"Granny Hokage's house?" Naruto repeated, completely ignoring the tactical explanation. "The Senju mansion? With Shizune-neechan and Tonton?"
Tsunade narrowed her eyes, wary of his growing enthusiasm. "...Yes. Why are you making that face?"
"AWESOME!!!"
Naruto jumped in the air, pumping his fists.
"IT'S A GIANT SLEEPOVER!! WHERE'S THE KITCHEN?! IS IT BIG?! DO YOU HAVE A POOL?! IS THERE A KOI POND?! CAN WE ORDER GIANT RAMEN FOR DELIVERY?! DOES SHIZUNE-NEECHAN MAKE GOOD BREAKFAST?!"
Jiraiya slapped his own face. The sound was sharp and echoed in the sealed room.
"This brat is a complete idiot," he muttered through his fingers. "He doesn't understand the gravity of the situation."
Kakashi's eye curved into a smile, the terror of the Mangekyō momentarily forgotten by Naruto's pure, unrestrained stupidity.
"Look on the bright side, Jiraiya-sama," Kakashi said, his voice dry. "At least we won't have to drag him to his own protective custody. He seems to be going willingly."
A violent twitch developed in Tsunade's eye. She had been awake for thirty-six hours, her village was being infiltrated, and her desk was dead.
"IT'S NOT A SLEEPOVER, YOU DEMON BRAT!!" she roared, her voice shaking dust from the ceiling for the second time. "IT'S A MAXIMUM SECURITY PROTOCOL! YOU ARE IN MORTAL DANGER!"
"Maximum security sleepover!" Naruto yelled. "I accept!"
Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a migraine.
"Shizune!"
Shizune, who had been silent all this time, answered nervously. "Yes, Tsunade-sama!"
"Take Naruto to his apartment!"
"Yes!"
"He has ten minutes to pack!"
"Ten...!"
"ESSENTIALS ONLY! Underwear, his toothbrush, and those horrible orange pajamas!"
"Hey, they're comfortable!" Naruto protested.
"And then take him directly to the Senju residence! Give him the house rules!"
"House rules?!"
"Rule number one!" Tsunade shouted. "YOU DON'T TOUCH MY SAKE! RULE NUMBER TWO! YOU DON'T TOUCH MY SAKE! RULE NUMBER THREE...!"
"Got it!" Shizune yelled, grabbing Naruto by the collar of his jacket. "Let's go, Naruto! Quickly!"
"But my ramen cup collection...!"
"NOW!"
"Yes, ma'am!" Shizune dragged him out of the office, closing the door behind them.
A tense silence fell over the room.
Tsunade collapsed into her chair, which groaned in protest. She rubbed her temples.
Jiraiya sighed, his Sannin face returning. "Well. At least he's contained. And he's excited about it. That's... something."
Kakashi nodded. "The Senju compound is a good choice. Defensible."
"Good," Tsunade said, opening a drawer and pulling out a large map of Konoha. She spread it over the remains of her desk. "Now, to the defense."
The three of them leaned over the map.
"The problem is Sasuke," Kakashi said immediately, his finger tapping the Uchiha district. "If Itachi is here, his secondary objective, or perhaps his primary, is his brother."
"Then we use him," Jiraiya said, his voice practical and cold. "We put surveillance on the Uchiha. Eyes and ears everywhere. When Itachi goes for him, we ambush. It's the obvious play. Itachi has two targets. We force his hand on the one we can predict."
Kakashi looked at Tsunade.
"He's my student," Kakashi said quietly. "But... Jiraiya-sama has a tactical point. If we can predict his move..."
"Your job is to protect him," Tsunade cut him off. "We will divide our forces."
Jiraiya looked at her for a long moment, then nodded. "As you say, Hokage. Your plan, then."
"Jiraiya, you'll handle the external intelligence network," Tsunade said, her finger moving to the village gates. "I want you outside the walls. Use your toad network. I want to know every rat that enters and leaves this village. Find them before they arrive."
"Done," Jiraiya said. "I move better alone."
"Kakashi," she continued, her finger moving to the Uchiha district and the training grounds. "You handle internal surveillance. You will focus on Sasuke. Protect him. Train him. But don't let him know why. Your job is to sound the alarm."
"Understood," Kakashi said. "I won't leave his side."
"And you, Hokage-sama?" Kakashi asked.
"I am the final line." Her fist hit the center of the map, where the Senju residence was. "I stay with Naruto. If they reach the compound, if they get past Jiraiya and get past you... they will face me. And they will not pass."
The door opened softly. Shizune entered, her face pale.
"Master. They're here. I brought them, as you asked."
"Good. Send them in. Close the door."
Sakura, Hinata, and Karin entered the office.
The three girls stopped short, their eyes widening at the scene.
"You called for us, Master?" Sakura asked, her voice a little shaky. "Is it about... Naruto? Is he okay? Shizune-san didn't tell us anything..."
"He's fine," Tsunade said. "But he won't be for long if we fail."
The three girls straightened up.
"What I'm about to tell you does not leave this room. It is an S-Level secret. Revealing it, even by accident, is punished as treason. Do you understand?"
The three nodded, their faces pale but determined.
"Good. Naruto's life is in extreme and immediate danger."
Sakura's breath caught.
"A group of S-Rank criminals, an organization called Akatsuki, is hunting him. They are coming to Konoha to kidnap him."
"Kidnap him?" Karin's voice was a low growl. Her body went stiff.
"Two of them are on their way," Tsunade said bluntly. "Their names are Kisame Hoshigaki, a former Swordsman of the Mist... and... Itachi Uchiha."
Sakura gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. "Itachi... Uchiha?! Sasuke-kun's brother! Here?! Is he coming for... for Sasuke-kun...?!"
"He's coming for Naruto," Tsunade corrected her. "Sasuke may be a secondary target, but Naruto is the prize."
Hinata swayed but held her ground. Her Byakugan nearly activated on pure instinct, her pearl eyes dilating. "No... I won't let them... Naruto-kun..."
Karin didn't recognize the name, but she reacted to the threat.
"Hunters?! I heard stories in Kusa about people like that! Monsters who hunt others for their abilities!"
"Naruto has been placed under house arrest in my residence, at the Senju compound," Tsunade explained. "Jiraiya and Kakashi will coordinate the village's outer defense. I will be the final line of defense at the house."
"But we can't be everywhere," Jiraiya interjected, his voice grave. "Hime and I will have to move out to intercept them if Kakashi finds them. And Kakashi will be patrolling, watching the other Uchiha."
"Naruto cannot be alone," Tsunade said, looking at the three girls. "Not for a second. Not to go to the bathroom. Not to sleep."
"He needs an internal personal guard. A team that will be with him 24/7. Eyes on him at all times."
There was a second of silence as the three processed the order.
Sakura stepped forward first. No hesitation. The fear in her eyes had been replaced by pure determination.
"Master. Let me do it. I'm your apprentice. I'm a medic. And I'm his teammate. It's my duty. I won't leave his side."
Hinata stepped forward, standing stiffly beside Sakura. Her usual shyness was gone, replaced by the quiet fierceness of the Hyūga main house.
"Tsunade-sama. My Byakugan is perfect for this. I can see through walls. I can monitor the chakra flow of the entire residence. I will detect any intruder before they get close. I... I will protect him too. With my life."
Karin was trembling, her fists clenched so tightly her knuckles were white. She stepped forward next to the other two.
"I... I'm not as strong as them. I'm not a frontline fighter. But I'm an Uzumaki! I can feel it if someone gets close! My senses are sharper than theirs!"
She looked at Tsunade, her red eyes shining.
"And my chains! If they try to take him... if they grab him... I can stop them! I can seal them! I... I won't let them take him! He's my family!"
Jiraiya leaned against the wall, watching the three girls. He raised an eyebrow, impressed.
Well, well. Minato, your kid attracts them. He's gathered Tsunade's apprentice, the Hyūga princess, and an Uzumaki survivor. And they're all willing to die for him. How the hell does he do it? This... this seriously complicates my research. They're all minors!
Kakashi watched Sakura with pride he couldn't hide. Hinata with new respect. And Karin with intense curiosity.
Naruto... whatever you've given them... has created a loyalty I didn't even see in my own team. Well done, Naruto. You're in good hands.
Tsunade nodded, a mixture of pride and seriousness on her face.
"Good. From this moment on, you three are the 'Naruto Guard Team.' Your only mission is his survival."
"How will we do it?" Sakura asked, already in planning mode.
"You will coordinate directly with Shizune. You will work in eight-hour shifts. One of you will be phys-i-cal-ly next to Naruto at all times."
"Shifts?" Hinata asked.
"You will not be sleeping in your own homes," Tsunade said, her voice leaving no room for argument. "You are moving into the Senju residence. Today. All three of you."
The girls exchanged glances. This wasn't a temporary mission. This was a life change.
"Pack your things. Shizune will assign you rooms. You will be there until this threat is neutralized, no matter how long it takes."
Tsunade leaned forward.
"No breaks. No mistakes. No excuses. Is that clear?"
"YES, HOKAGE-SAMA!"
Comments
Aaron Schwartz
Good lord. This is going to be worse/better than a fucking beach episode
