ShuraZero
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Chapter 16: Ramen and Rumors
🕑 Added 2025-10-28 02:30:48 +0000 UTCThe scroll unrolled with a dry whisper onto the wooden floor.
Naruto winced, stretching the fingers of his right hand. They hurt a lot.
"Okay... 'Patrol Report, Sector Seven'... Client: Elder Council... Assigned Ninja: Team Gai... Again?"
He muttered to himself, sunk up to his neck in stacks of paper and ink. The temporary meeting room Tsunade had assigned them was crammed with scrolls. Maps covered the walls, Chūnin exam flowcharts were spread across the central table (now inaccessible), and he... he was on the floor, cross legged, surrounded by open rolls and precarious piles of copied reports.
He was copying. Copying by hand. For hours.
"Why does Team Gai do so many patrols in Sector Seven Gamma? There's nothing there! Just... trees! And squirrels! Suspiciously aggressive squirrels!"
His brush flew over the new scroll, replicating the characters with speed, out of sheer desperation. Ink splattered his cheek. He didn't even notice.
"Faster, Uzumaki."
The voice came from the other side of the room. Temari was slumped in a chair, her head tilted back and her eyes closed. She had dark circles under her eyes. She was rubbing her temples with her fingertips, a slow, circular motion.
"I'm going as fast as I can!" he complained, without stopping his writing. "My hand... my hand is going to turn into a claw! An ink claw! And then it'll fall off! And I'll have to learn to write with my left! And that will be even slower!"
"I need those patrol reports," she said, without opening her eyes. "Before Shizune san closes the central archives for the night. Or I'll have to listen to Gaara complain about my 'lack of responsibility'."
"Gaara! Always Gaara!" Naruto grumbled. He dipped the brush into the inkwell too hard. The ink splattered. "He's the Kazekage! Can't he read his own reports? Or... or get an assistant! One who isn't being punished! And who has automatic hands!"
"Gaara is busy," Temari said, her voice still flat. "Running a village. Dealing with the Suna Council, who are worse than yours. Now, keep writing."
"But this is worse than fighting Gaara!" he complained, returning to his misery. "At least fighting Gaara was... fast! And exciting! This is slow and boring! And my fingers...! I feel like they're going to explode!"
Temari sighed.
"At least you're moving," she muttered, almost to herself.
Naruto stopped again, his brush in mid stroke. "What?"
"Shikamaru," she said, her voice full of infinite exhaustion. "By now, he'd already be asleep on top of this map," she pointed vaguely toward the paper covered table, "calling it 'analysis' or one of his bits of nonsense."
Naruto blinked. He processed the sentence.
"...Is that... a compliment?"
Temari opened both eyes. She stared at him. There was a shadow of something in her gaze. Amusement? Extreme exhaustion?
"It's an observation," she said, her voice regaining some of its usual edge. "Now keep writing. We have two hours before Shizune closes."
"Two hours! But I still have...!" Naruto looked at the pile of original scrolls next to him. It was... tall. Very tall. "...twenty! Twenty of these!"
"Then write faster."
"I can't! My eyes are seeing double! Your... your characters are... weird!"
"It's standard Suna script for tactical reports."
"It's scribble!"
"And try not to smear that scroll with ink!" she said, ignoring his calligraphic criticism. "Or... whatever that is on your face."
Naruto touched his cheek. "Huh? Ink?" He looked at his fingers. They were black. "Damn it!"
"Or ramen," she added, her eyes closed again.
"I haven't eaten ramen!" he protested. "I only ate...!" He stopped. He didn't want to remember. "Hell, I haven't even eaten at all!"
Knock, knock.
The door opened and Shizune peeked her head in. She looked even more tired than Temari. She had a new pile of scrolls in her arms.
"Am I interrupting?"
"Depends," Temari said without opening her eyes. "Are you bringing more work or sake?"
Shizune smiled weakly. "Tea. And... more work. Sorry."
She entered and left the pile on the only free chair. She looked at Naruto, who was still on the floor, entrenched behind papers.
Her eyes widened a little. "Naruto kun... are you still here?"
"Of course I'm still here!" he said, jerking his head toward Temari. "The Boss is scary! She said if I didn't finish, she'd use me for target practice with her fan!"
"I didn't say that," Temari muttered. "I said I'd consider using your head as a paperweight."
"Same thing!"
"I heard you, idiot," Temari said.
Shizune looked between the two. A small smile appeared on her face. "Well... at least you're working. Really. Tsunade sama will be... surprised. She probably thought you'd have used a Rasengan to 'file' everything by now."
"She put an anti chakra seal on me!" Naruto complained. "It's a trap!"
"It's discipline," Tsunade corrected from the doorway. They hadn't heard her arrive.
Naruto, Temari, and Shizune startled.
Tsunade walked in, looking fresh. Too fresh. She had probably just woken up from a sake induced nap.
"I see my assistant is still alive," she said, looking at Naruto with a raised eyebrow. "And my liaison from Suna is still awake?"
Temari straightened in her chair, forcing a professional expression. "Hokage sama. We are making progress. Slowly."
"Hmm." Tsunade picked up one of the scrolls Naruto had just copied. She examined it. "The calligraphy is terrible. It looks like a drunk chicken wrote it."
"Hey!"
"But it's legible," she admitted. "And it seems... correct." She looked at Naruto with genuine surprise. "You haven't used clones?"
"I can't! The seal!"
"Ah, yes. The seal." Tsunade smiled. "Excellent."
Shizune approached Naruto, her expression worried. "Have you eaten anything, Naruto kun? You look... pale."
Naruto's stomach chose that moment to let out another pitiful roar.
"I ate... dust," he repeated. "Does that count?"
"Hokage sama," Shizune said, turning to Tsunade. "He should take a break. He's been here since..."
"I'm fine!" Naruto said, too quickly. "I can keep going! I'm tough like a cockroach!"
"Don't compare yourself to cockroaches, Naruto," Tsunade said. "It's an insult to the cockroaches."
"Hey!"
She turned to Temari. "Temari san. How is the actual progress? Aside from torturing my assistant."
Temari sighed. "Slow. We need the patrol logs for Sector Nine to verify the proposed infiltration routes. And the incident reports from Zone 44 for the last five years."
"Shizune," Tsunade said.
"On it!" Shizune ran out.
Tsunade looked at the pile of scrolls Naruto still had left. "Hmm. At this rate, you'll finish... tomorrow morning."
"Tomorrow?!" Naruto yelled. "But... but... Hinata! I have to... go home! I'm...!"
"Yes, yes. 'Responsible'. I know." Tsunade cut him off. "But you're also my assistant. And this work is important."
Naruto deflated. "I know..."
He was trapped. He had to finish. He had to obey.
He picked up the brush again.
He dipped the tip in the ink.
And drew the next character.
Blot.
A huge black drop fell in the middle of the clean scroll.
"NO!"
Naruto stared at the blot in horror.
"Damn it! Stupid ink! Stupid brush!"
He tried to wipe it with his finger, but only spread it, creating a horrible gray smear.
"IDIOT!"
Temari's shout echoed in the room. She had shot up from her chair, her green eyes blazing with fury.
She pointed at the stained scroll. "THAT WAS THE SAFE ROUTES MAP! AND YOU JUST PUT A GIANT BLOT ON TOP OF THE SOUTH ENTRY POINT! WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT BLOT MEAN?! SAFE ZONE?! BOOBY TRAPPED ZONE?! INK INFESTED ZONE?!"
Naruto startled, dropping the brush. Black ink splattered his already dirty orange jacket.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It was an accident! I'm tired!" He rubbed his eyes. "My eyes are seeing double! I've been copying your scribbles for ten hours straight! And I'm hungry! And my hand is a claw!"
"They're not scribbles!" she yelled, advancing on him, threatening. "They are strategic orders! They are Genin lives! And if you can't focus...! If you're so incompetent you can't even copy a damn map without ruining it...!"
Naruto jumped to his feet, facing her. Exhaustion and hunger made him reckless.
"Maybe if you didn't treat me like a slave I could concentrate!" he yelled, his own voice echoing. "I'm supposed to be the Chūnin Liaison! I'm supposed to... liaise! Talk! Strategize! Not be your personal copyist and your verbal punching bag!"
They stared at each other. He, dirty, exhausted, and furious. She, pale with fatigue, but with fury shining in her eyes.
Tsunade watched, in silence, with an unreadable expression.
It lasted one second. Two. Three.
Then, Temari sighed.
It was a deep sigh, one that seemed to take all the fury with it. She ran a hand over her face, rubbing her eyes.
"You're right."
Naruto blinked. The wind went out of his sails. His own anger vanished, replaced by total confusion.
"...What?"
"I said you're right," she repeated, her voice now tired, without its edge. "I'm sorry."
Naruto stared at her. "You're... sorry?"
"Yes." She opened her eyes. The dark circles seemed darker. "I'm... exhausted. Gaara wants this exam to be perfect. A show of strength and cooperation. Tsunade sama wants everything ready yesterday. And Shikamaru..." She paused. "Well, Shikamaru is probably asleep in your basement right now, using a scroll as a pillow."
"Probably," Naruto muttered.
"I'm pushing you too hard," Temari admitted. "You're not Shikamaru. You're not a strategist. You're... you. Loud. Energetic. And apparently, capable of copying nonstop for ten hours. That's... something."
Naruto scratched the back of his neck. He felt... awkward. "Oh. Well. It's okay. I guess."
He looked at the ink blot. "I ruined the map."
"Yes. You did."
"I'll... I'll copy it again."
"I know."
There was another silence. Less tense. More... exhausted.
"You've been here all day too," Naruto said. "You haven't moved from that chair."
Temari looked at the mess of scrolls covering the room. Maps. Reports. Schedules.
"Yeah," she said. "Enough for today."
Naruto blinked. "Enough? Really? We can... stop?"
"Yes." She gathered her things from the table: a small hand fan, a clipboard, a stray kunai. She stretched, her back cracking. "We've done enough. Tomorrow... tomorrow we'll face the 'P' pile."
"The 'P' pile is huge!" Naruto moaned. "It has... 'Lost Pets'! And 'Personality Protection'! And... 'Political Problems'!"
"Exactly," she said. "Which is why we need sleep."
She headed for the door.
"Okay, idiot. Let's go."
Naruto looked at her, confused. "Go? Go where? Home? Great!"
"Not home." She stopped at the door, looking at him over her shoulder. "Aren't you hungry?"
"Hungry?" The word echoed in Naruto's empty stomach. "HUNGRY? I could eat... I could eat 'The Archivist'! He probably tastes like parchment, but at least it's meat!"
"Then let's go eat," she said. "We need food. You look like you're about to eat that kunai classification scroll."
Naruto's eyes lit up.
"FOOD!"
The word was a cry of pure joy.
"YES! PLEASE! REAL FOOD!"
"Calm down," she said, a shadow of a smile playing on her lips. "What do you want? BBQ? Dango?"
"RAMEN!"
The answer was instant. Automatic.
Temari rolled her eyes. But the smile was a little more visible now. "Fine, let's go to Ichiraku. It's probably the only thing open at this hour anyway."
"GREAT! ICHIRAKU! PARADISE!" Naruto started grabbing his things at top speed, shoving random scrolls into his dusty pack. "Let's go! Let's go! I'm starving! I could eat ten bowls!"
He started to run for the door, tripping over a pile of reports.
"Wait!"
Naruto stopped, his hand on the knob. "What? You changed your mind? You want to go eat sand?"
"Don't be an idiot." She walked over. "My treat."
Naruto frowned. "Why? I can pay! Well...!"
He stopped. He thought about his wallet. About the fifty percent. About the cleaning bill.
"...I can pay for one bowl! Maybe! My salary is fifty percent, but it's something! I'm a married man now! I have... financial responsibilities!"
He tried to make it sound proud. He failed. It sounded... pathetic.
Temari laughed. It was a genuine laugh this time. Short. A little hoarse from fatigue. But real.
"One," she said, holding up a finger. "I've been yelling at you and treating you like a slave all day. It's the least I can do."
She held up a second finger. "Two: I know about the fifty percent. Tsunade sama told me this morning. She was laughing. A lot."
Naruto turned red. "That old hag!"
"And three," she said, her smile turning a little mocking. "Stop saying 'married man'. You sound ridiculous."
"Hey! I sound responsible!" Naruto grumbled. "And mature!"
"You sound like a lucky idiot," she said. "Now, move your butt before I change my mind and make you eat that kunai scroll."
Naruto grumbled something about "bossy bosses" and "disrespecting a husband," but he followed her out of the room, his stomach rumbling in anticipation.
The Ichiraku ramen stand was a spot of light and steam on the dark street. It was crowded, even at this late hour. The sound of people talking, laughing, and slurping noodles filled the air.
Naruto went in first, his fatigue forgotten, his face radiant with pure happiness.
"OLD MAN TEUCHI!" he yelled over the noise, heading straight for the counter. "TWO LARGE MISO WITH EXTRA PORK! AND MAKE IT QUICK! I'M STARVING!"
Teuchi, who was serving a steaming bowl to a customer, looked up. A huge smile wrinkled his face.
"Naruto! Good to see you, kid! I thought you'd be... oh?"
Teuchi's voice trailed off. His gaze shifted from Naruto to the figure who had just walked in behind him.
Temari stopped just behind Naruto, looking at the crowded place with a slight expression of surprise. Her giant fan on her back made her look even more imposing under the bright light of the stand.
Teuchi blinked. He recognized the Suna kunoichi. He had seen her before, during the Chūnin exams. The fan girl. The scary one.
He looked at Naruto, who was grinning like a happy idiot.
He looked at Temari, who looked tired but dangerous.
He looked back at Naruto, who was now trying to steal a piece of narutomaki from another customer's bowl.
Teuchi's eyes went wide.
A comical, glorious, and completely incorrect realization appeared on his face.
"Well..." he whispered to himself.
A huge, knowing grin spread across his face. He leaned over the counter, lowering his voice as if he were sharing Konoha's biggest secret.
"Well, well, Naruto!"
Naruto, who was about to sit on a free stool, stopped. "What's wrong, old man? Are you out of pork?" Panic crossed his face.
"No, no! Plenty of pork!" Teuchi winked at him, a conspiratorial wink. "But you, kid! You don't waste any time, huh!"
Naruto looked at him, completely confused. "Time? What are you talking about? I'm hungry!"
"I can see that!" Teuchi laughed, clapping him on the back. Then, he lowered his voice again, discreetly nodding his head toward Temari, who was trying to find a place to put her fan without decapitating anyone. "First the Hyuga girl!"
"And now!" Teuchi continued, his voice full of admiration and mischief. "It hasn't even been a week! And you're already here with an exotic blonde beauty from Suna! With a giant fan!"
Temari froze halfway to an empty stool. She turned slowly.
"You work fast, kid!" Teuchi said, giving Naruto another wink. "Very fast! Who would've thought! Little Naruto, quite the...!"
PFFFFT COUGH COUGH COUGH!
Naruto, who had just taken a big gulp of water Ayame had placed in front of him, choked.
Water shot out of his nose. He started coughing violently, pounding his chest.
Temari turned. Slowly. Very slowly. Toward Teuchi.
Her green eyes, which moments ago showed exhaustion, now gleamed with a dangerous light under the stand's lamps.
The air around her seemed... to get colder.
"What..."
Her voice was low. Dangerously quiet. Each word was like a piece of ice.
"...did you... just say... old man?"
