ShuraZero
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Chapter 1: The Human Pillow
🕑 Added 2025-10-22 18:40:45 +0000 UTCNew Erotica Prototype (Read This Warning First)
Hey everyone,
I'm posting a prototype of an unreleased erotic novel.
Yes, this is a full-on erotic novel with... let's call it "a little bit of plot" that I wrote just for fun.
I need to be extremely clear before you click:
WARNING: This is R18. There is more R18 content than plot.
If you are not comfortable with ridiculous, over-the-top R18 scenes, I do not recommend this.
If you are a fan of logic, realism, or "good taste," you should stay away. This story is completely uncensored and practically ridiculous.
I've given about ten thousand warnings now.
Read with caution.
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Chapter 1: The Human Pillow
"Are you coming to bed now, or are you going to stay there drinking sake until the sun comes up, Granny?"
Naruto's voice echoed from the bedroom doorway. He was lying on his side on the futon, one hand behind his head, staring at her.
Tsunade, sitting on the engawa overlooking the night garden, held a small ceramic cup. She paused just before drinking.
"It's just a little, brat." Her voice was a tired growl. "And I've told you a thousand times not to call me 'Granny' in the house. It ruins the mood."
"What mood? The one where an old woman drinks alone in the dark?"
She shot him a murderous look that would have made a lesser Kage tremble. "The romantic mood, idiot. What about 'My beautiful Hokage' or 'Tsunade hime' or even 'Honey'? Anything but 'Granny'. You sound like Shizune."
Tsunade finally took a sip of the sake and smiled, just a little, as the warm liquor ran down her throat.
Naruto laughed, a deep, relaxed sound that always calmed her, whether she wanted it to or not. "Alright, alright. My beautiful Hokage," he repeated, testing the words. They sounded good.
He stood up from the futon. The movement was fluid, and the light blue cotton yukata he wore opened slightly, showing the firm chest and defined muscles from years of battle. Tsunade followed the movement with her eyes, appreciating the view. No matter how many times she saw it, it was still impressive.
Naruto walked over and sat next to her on the engawa, the cool night air brushing against them. He gently took the cup from her hands.
"Hey," she protested weakly.
"Had enough for today?" He sniffed the cup and wrinkled his nose. "Smells strong. Is this the one the Feudal Lord gave you?"
"It's the best there is. And no, I haven't had enough." She tried to get it back, but he was faster.
Naruto held the cup out of her reach. "You have a meeting with the Kage first thing tomorrow. You don't want to smell like a distillery. The Raikage will start making jokes about your fire breath."
"I could beat all five Kage with a hangover and one hand tied behind my back," she retorted, though they both knew that was only half true.
"Sure you could." Naruto didn't challenge her. "Besides, since when do you care so much about my schedule? You sound like my secretary, or worse, Shizune."
"Shizune is going crazy trying to cover for you. And I'm your husband, it's my job to worry." He set the cup on a side table, far from her reach. "And you need to be in a good mood tomorrow, or you'll punch someone. And if you punch Gaara again..."
"He deserved it!" Tsunade snapped, sitting up straighter.
"...I'll have to apologize to the Sand for the third time this year. Kankuro is sending me crow puppets with complaint notes. It's embarrassing, Tsunade."
Tsunade crossed her arms, looking offended. "Gaara said my budget management was 'careless'."
"It is," Naruto said bluntly.
She gaped at him. "Traitor!"
"You spent three months of the infrastructure budget on that new statue of Hashirama jiji."
"It was an important statue! For village morale!"
"It was a statue of him in the public bathhouse fountain, Tsunade. Naked. People were complaining." Naruto touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. His blue eyes were serious, but warm. "There are ways to say that without getting a 'Creation Rebirth Fist' to the face. Now, come here."
Tsunade sighed, letting all the day's tension out. The argument faded as quickly as it had arrived. She softened and leaned against him, resting her head on his shoulder. The smell of soap and him washed over her, much better than the sake.
"I had a horrible day, Naruto. Three hours of useless paperwork about kunai standardization. Three hours. Do you know how many ways there are to describe a kunai? Apparently, one hundred and twelve. I wanted to burn it all."
"I know. I saw the pile."
"You saw it?"
"I took care of your pile of 'vital reports' while you were napping this afternoon."
Tsunade's eyes snapped open. She pulled back a little to look at him. "What? The... the ones from the Academy?"
"And the ANBU reports. And the D rank mission requests. And the formal complaint from the elder council about the noise." Naruto wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to his side. "A real hell. But it's done. I signed them with your seal."
"That's forgery," she muttered, though she sounded more relieved than angry.
"Technically, I'm the Hokage consort. Or something. I have authority."
"No such title exists."
"I made it up." He smiled against her hair. "Now, let's go to bed. I need you to tell me how you're going to reform the Chunin exam system."
She lifted her head. "Do you really want to talk about that? It's deathly boring."
"No. I want you to complain about it for ten minutes so you can get it out of your system and then fall asleep." He kissed her forehead gently. "I just want to watch you sleep, Tsunade."
She smiled for real this time. "You're a sap, you know that?"
"I'm the sappiest Hokage and the best husband in the five great ninja countries. I don't care."
In a quick movement that showed strength contradicting his relaxed attitude, he lifted her into his arms.
"Hey! Naruto, put me down! I can walk, idiot." She hit his chest, but with no real force. It was more of a touch than a protest.
"I know. But I like it better this way." He stood up with her in his arms effortlessly. "Tomorrow, you complain about paperwork. Today, you're just married to me."
Tsunade stopped struggling and wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her head on his shoulder. "Fine, fine. But just for today. And you owe me a bottle of that sake."
"Deal."
Naruto walked through the sliding door to the main bedroom, still carrying Tsunade. The room was dim, lit only by the moonlight filtering through the open window.
"See? Much more efficient," Naruto said, walking toward the massive futon that took up the center of the room. It was ridiculously large, custom made, big enough for five people comfortably.
"Efficient," Tsunade snorted. "You just wanted to grope me before we got to the bed."
"That too," Naruto admitted with a shameless grin.
"Naruto! It's about time!"
The enthusiastic and unmistakable voice made Naruto freeze halfway.
"Sakura chan?"
"And... and me too, Naruto kun."
A second voice, soft as a bell, came from the other side of the bed.
Naruto squinted in the darkness. As his eyes adjusted, he saw two figures sitting on the futon.
Sakura was sitting cross legged, wearing a very short pink silk nightgown that left very little to the imagination. She had a bright smile.
"I almost sent a search and rescue team! We thought you got lost on the way from the living room to the bedroom!"
Next to her, Hinata was kneeling, wearing a pale lavender sleep yukata, tied neatly. She was perfectly put together, but her cheeks were flushed.
"G good evening, Tsunade sama. Naruto kun." Hinata gave a small bow of her head.
Tsunade sighed from Naruto's arms. "Great. The enthusiastic cavalry is here. And I actually thought I was going to get some sleep."
Naruto, still holding Tsunade, just stood there. "Uh... what are you guys doing here? I thought Sakura had a shift at the hospital until midnight and Hinata was with her father."
"I swapped my shift!" Sakura said cheerfully. "Ino is going to hate me tomorrow, but I told her it was an S rank emergency! And Hinata chan finished early with the Hyuga council. We decided we'd surprise you!" She gestured to the bed. "But you were keeping us waiting!"
"I it's not a surprise!" Hinata hurried to correct, waving her hands. "I it's just... it's your scheduled night, Naruto kun. Sakura chan and I were just... talking."
"Talking?" Tsunade raised an eyebrow. Naruto gently deposited her on the futon, on the farthest edge, giving the other two space. "It sounded more like Sakura was vibrating with impatience."
"I was perfectly calm!" Sakura said, though she bounced a little on the futon. "You were just taking so long! What were you two doing, huh?"
Sakura gave Naruto a playful look, wiggling her eyebrows up and down. "Discussing 'politics', Naruto? Or did Tsunade sama bust you?"
Tsunade stretched out on the futon, yawning. She pulled the covers up to her waist. "We were discussing Gaara's incompetence with budgets. Kage stuff. Boring."
Naruto's face turned red. "We weren't...! I was just carrying her! She spilled some sake!"
Sakura wrinkled her nose adorably. "Ugh! It's true! You reek of sake! It's the same smell Master's office has after a bad betting streak." She laughed. "Well, you'll just have to make it up to us for keeping us waiting and for smelling like that!"
"Hey! It was expensive sake," Naruto protested.
"I don't care. Now get over here!" Sakura patted the empty spot between her and Hinata. "The center spot is waiting! And take that yukata off!"
"What?"
"It smells like sake," she repeated, "and besides, it's hiding the goods! Hurry up!"
Tsunade laughed from her side. "Good luck with that."
Naruto looked at Sakura, who was staring at him expectantly, and then at Hinata, who blushed violently and looked away.
"Sakura chan, it's a little cold..."
"It's not cold! And if it is, that's what we're here for!" She said it with the confidence of a doctor giving an infallible diagnosis. "Now!"
Naruto sighed. He knew he wouldn't win this battle, though this version was much more fun than the angry one. He untied the belt of his yukata and shrugged it off, leaving him in just his black boxers.
Sakura nodded, a smile of approval on her face. "Much better! Now, here!"
Naruto looked at the space. Then he looked at Tsunade, who was already settling down on her own side of the bed, her back to them.
"Tsunade?" he asked.
"I'm exhausted," she muttered into the pillow. "I have paperwork tomorrow. You three do whatever you want. Just don't break the bed. Again."
Sakura's face turned bright red. "T that was your fault, Tsunade sama! You were trying that new technique..."
"Goodnight," Tsunade said, her voice final.
Suddenly, the atmosphere changed. Tsunade was out of commission. That left Sakura and Hinata. And Naruto in the middle.
Naruto swallowed. Sometimes, Kage meetings were easier than this.
"Well," Naruto said, scratching the back of his neck. "So... space in the middle, huh?"
"Exactly!" Sakura said. "The grand prize! And hurry up, I'm getting cold!"
Naruto sighed and got into the futon, sliding into the space between them. Immediately, he felt warmth on both sides.
To his right, Sakura moved instantly, pressing her side against his arm and resting her head on his shoulder with a satisfied sigh. "Mmm... much better."
To his left, Hinata was slower. She moved gracefully, settling in close to his other side.
There was a moment of peaceful silence.
Naruto closed his eyes. "This is nice."
"Naruto kun," Hinata whispered.
"Yeah, Hinata?"
"I... I had a long day too."
"Oh? How was your father?"
"Fine. B but... Hiashi sama made me... well, he made me review the Hyuga compound's defense protocols. He said my... my marriage... required a security review."
Naruto frowned. "A security review? He thinks I'm a risk?"
"No!" she said quickly. "N not you. It's just... now that I'm... well, now that I'm connected to... to the Hokage," she corrected, not wanting to name Tsunade, "he's worried about... about clan secrets. And... about the Byakugan."
"He's still on about that? You're the clan leader, Hinata. You can do what you want."
"I know. B but he's... traditional." Hinata shifted, and Naruto felt her hand search for his under the covers. He found it and laced their fingers together. Her hand was small and warm.
"Naruto kun," she whispered again, her voice barely audible.
"Mmm?"
"Can I...?"
"Can you what?"
"Can I... have... this?"
Before Naruto could ask what "this" was, he felt a soft weight on his chest. Hinata had moved, shifting over him. She was now lying on top of his torso, her head resting just under his chin. Her long, dark hair spilled over his shoulders.
Naruto froze. He could feel the softness of her body through the thin yukata, the warmth seeping right into his skin.
"H Hinata..."
"Just... just a moment," she mumbled against his chest. "This way... this way I can hear your heart. I it's... calming."
Naruto felt a blush creep up his neck. He glanced to the other side, toward Sakura.
"Hey, hey!"
Sakura's voice cut through, wide awake now, but not angry. It sounded amused, almost competitive. She had rolled over.
"That's a dirty move, Hinata! You're hogging!"
Hinata lifted her head, her lavender eyes wide. "I... I just... wanted...!"
"You're taking advantage of me being nice!" Sakura sat up. "That's the 'prime spot'! We agreed there's no 'prime spot'!"
"Th there's no... prime spot!" Hinata said, though she made no effort to move. "I'm just... comfortable!"
"Of course there is! And you just took it!" Sakura looked at Naruto. "Naruto! Tell her something! She's breaking the cuddling rules!"
Naruto was trapped. Literally. "Uh... Sakura chan, she's just... comfortable. There are no rules..."
"Well, I want to be comfortable too!" Sakura shifted, trying to tickle Hinata off. "Move! It's my turn!"
"Sakura chan! Wait! Hahaha... d don't push!"
"No! You had the shoulder first! I want the chest! It's only fair!"
"It's not fair!"
"Life's not fair, Hinata! Get off him or share!"
The two started a playful wrestling match. It was a mess of muffled giggles, limbs, and hair, all on top of a breathless Naruto.
"My hair! Sakura chan, stop!"
"That's my leg! Get off!"
"Naruto kun, tell her...!"
"It's my night! I swapped my shift!"
"It's everyone's! And I finished first!"
Naruto was being crushed by happiness. A knee (probably Sakura's) dug into his ribs. An elbow (definitely Hinata's, surprisingly sharp) got him in the stomach.
"Girls! Girls! Stop!" Naruto tried to separate them, laughing. "Enough! You're going to wake up Tsunade!"
Too late.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?!"
Tsunade's voice was not a tired mumble. It was the Hokage's roar, the one she used on the battlefield.
Sakura and Hinata froze, their smiles vanishing.
Tsunade had sat up. Her blonde hair was a mess, and her dark eyes glittered dangerously in the dim light.
"Are you trying to kill him?" she snapped. "I have a Kage meeting tomorrow! I can't go if my husband is dead from suffocation!"
"She started it!" Sakura said, pointing at Hinata.
"I I didn't do anything!" Hinata stammered, eyes welling up. "Sakura chan attacked me!"
Tsunade rubbed her temples so hard Naruto was afraid she'd break the skin. "Sometimes I forget I'm married to an idiot and a pair of children."
"I'm not a child!" Sakura and Hinata protested in unison.
"Then stop acting like it!" Tsunade glared at Naruto, who was gasping under their combined weight. "Naruto. Control them."
"I'm trying!" he said.
Tsunade sighed, a world shaking sound. "Fine. If you can't share, we'll have to implement the system."
Sakura and Hinata paled.
"Agh, no," Sakura complained. "Tsunade sama, no. Not the system! It's so boring!"
"The system?" Naruto asked, confused.
"The rotation system," Tsunade said grimly. "One side. The other side. And the middle. Rotate every hour. On a timer. No exceptions."
"That's too clinical!" Sakura complained. "It takes all the fun out of it!"
"I it's... very... restrictive," Hinata added.
"Well, it works," Tsunade said. "Now... who wants the first shift in the middle? We'll draw straws."
Sakura and Hinata looked at each other. The hostility was gone, replaced by silent, frantic negotiation.
"Alright," Naruto finally said, gently pushing them off so he could sit up. "That's enough. Look."
He moved to the center of the futon. "Sakura chan. Right side. Hinata. Left side."
They obeyed, but with playful pouts.
"Now," Naruto said, "you're both tired. I'm tired. Tsunade is tired."
"Technically, I'm more tired," Tsunade muttered.
"True. But the point is," Naruto continued, "we're all here. Can't we just... sleep?"
Sakura snorted. "You say 'sleep'. But I saw that move, Hinata. Very sneaky, by the way!"
"I it wasn't sneaky! I j just wanted to be close!" Hinata's face was scarlet.
Naruto didn't wait for the fight to start again. He put an arm around Sakura and pulled her to his side. She laughed softly and cuddled against him.
"Just relax, Sakura chan. You deserve it."
"Mmm... okay," she mumbled against his arm. "But you owe me ramen tomorrow for the wait."
"Deal."
Then, with his other arm, he reached for Hinata. She moved closer shyly. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her in too, until her side was pressed against his.
"Now," he said, "I'm rolling over. Watch out."
Naruto carefully rolled onto his stomach, settling between them. They rearranged themselves, snuggling against his sides, Sakura on his right and Hinata on his left.
"And you," he said softly to Hinata. "Stop worrying about your father. You're the strongest woman I know. He'll get over it. And if he doesn't, I'll talk to him."
Hinata didn't say anything, but she squeezed his hand tightly.
Naruto lay like that, a kunoichi sandwich. Both of them snuggled against him, both finally still.
Silence returned to the room. This time, it was calmer.
"Naruto," Sakura whispered.
"Yeah?"
"You're definitely more comfortable than a hospital pillow. Good job."
Naruto chuckled. "Thanks, I guess."
"Naruto kun," Hinata whispered.
"Yeah, Hina?"
"Th thank you. For... for this."
"You're welcome."
They stayed like that for a while. Naruto felt Sakura's breathing deepen, becoming rhythmic. She was falling asleep. Hinata, on the other hand, was tense.
"What's wrong?" he whispered to Hinata.
"Tsunade sama... is moving."
Naruto strained his ears. Sure enough, he heard the rustle of fabric behind him.
A moment later, he felt a weight on his back.
Tsunade had rolled over and settled onto his back, draping an arm over his waist and around Hinata in the process. Her face buried itself between his shoulder blades.
"If you're going to hog him, at least share the warmth," Tsunade mumbled, her voice already thick with sleep. "And Sakura, stop moving so much."
"I'm not moving!" Sakura said, half asleep.
"You are," Tsunade confirmed.
Naruto was now completely immobilized. Sakura on the right. Hinata on the left. Tsunade on his back.
He was surrounded. Trapped.
Great, he thought. I won't be able to go to the bathroom until morning.
Naruto Uzumaki, the Jinchuriki of the Kyubi and, apparently, the most in demand human pillow in the Elemental Nations, lay perfectly still.
Sakura's breathing was now a soft murmur against his side. Hinata's hand, still clinging to his, had gone slack in sleep. And Tsunade's arm across his waist was heavy and warm.
He was, without a doubt, in a ridiculous situation.
Any other man in the world probably would have given half his life to be in this position. Surrounded by three of the strongest and most beautiful kunoichi in the world.
The Fifth Hokage, the greatest medical ninja of her generation.
His teammate, the Fifth's apprentice, Sakura Haruno.
The heiress of the Hyuga clan, the Byakugan Princess, Hinata Hyuga.
And that wasn't even all of them.
Somewhere in the village, Shizune was probably finishing the paperwork he had started. And in Suna, Temari was probably sharpening her fan, planning her next "diplomatic visit" that would coincide with Gaara's absence.
His life was chaos. A wonderful, exhausting, and completely insane chaos.
Naruto stared at the floor in front of him, the only direction he could move his eyes.
He remembered the days when he was just a kid on a swing, ignored by everyone. He remembered the days of eating instant ramen alone in his empty apartment, wishing someone, anyone, would say "welcome home."
Now, he had a home. A very loud home. A home where people fought over who got to sleep closest to him.
A small smile pulled at his lips.
Sakura mumbled something about "extra ramen" and snuggled closer. Hinata made a small sound, like a content sigh. Tsunade snored. Softly, but it was definitely a snore.
I'm not telling her in the morning, Naruto decided. I value my life.
He thought about tomorrow. The Kage meeting. Gaara's complaints. The paperwork. The ANBU reports. The inevitable argument over who would make breakfast.
He was tired. He was happy. He was completely overwhelmed.
And as he lay there, serving as the central heater for the most dangerous women on the continent, a single question formed in his mind.
How the hell did all this happen?
It wasn't a complaint. It was genuine astonishment.
Sometimes, even he forgot the exact moment his life stopped being a simple quest to become Hokage and turned into... this. This complicated, warm, and chaotic web of affection.
He closed his eyes, feeling their combined weight.
Ah, right. I remember now.
Maybe you're wondering how an idiot like me ended up like this.
It all goes back to just before the Fourth Great Ninja War. To the day everything changed. The day I decided to follow the path of the pervy sage.
Comments
Michael Meyer
TFTC!
