Bess
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Introduction and Plans
🕑 Added 2020-10-20 14:20:03 +0000 UTCHi!
If you're reading this, it means you've generously decided to support the channel through pledging on here. Thank you so much--I really don't take it for granted! I'd use this as an opportunity to tell you a bit more about myself, but frankly I ended up doing more of that on the actual channel then I ever planned to, so hopefully you already feel like you have a good sense of who I am. Rather, I'm really happy to be able to create this community-within-a-community and chat with you guys more freely. I hope to make this worth your while for as long as you want to stay a patron! Feel free to drop me a comment or message with rewards you might be interested in seeing any time. I have some ideas but they're going to have to wait until I have more time to commit to them. I'll store any suggestions you have away and even if I'm not able to implement them immediately, there's a chance they'll pop up in the future!
With introductions out of the way, let's get right into it: what's the next video going to be? I've always kept video ideas close to my chest out of some vague want not to spoil the surprise (and maybe more cynically not turn people off videos on topics they're not interested in before they're even out). Either way, you guys are the only ones who're gonna know what I'm working on at any given time! I'm sure most of you will be pleased to know the next video is going to be Higurashi-related. It's taken on a life of its own, so bear with me while I try to outline it somewhat concisely! Spoilers ahead if you haven't finished the series! Scroll down!
This video has gone through two stages of conception. The first was a project called The Psychology of Higurashi. It sprung from a want to look at the psychology of Hinamizawa Syndrome as, essentially, a form of psychosis. It's an incredibly well-researched portrayal and I wanted to discuss how Ryukishi shines a light on both lesser-known symptoms and the cognitive schemas and distortions that surround them.
If that sounds dense, it is a bit--it already would've been my most academic video to date. It's been sitting in my head for months, and the more I thought about it, the more I found to talk about. From there, it sprouted two additional parts, mainly relating to Hanyuu's presence in the story: a) a look at supernatural phenomena and how we make sense of these in a clinical context and b) a look at Shinto and more broadly Japanese history in relation to this part of Higurashi. And exhale. Yeah, it's a lot--and I'm not done.
I was already daunted by this video and knew it would be my biggest undertaking to date. I'm always up for a challenge, but the last part in particular troubled me, as I wasn't sure even a good chunk of time dedicated to research would really give me, as a Westerner, the understanding necessary to properly examine this part of Higurashi. Its evident religious context has always been the single part of the series I've struggled to parse, and a console arc about Hanyuu's past that I'm hoping will go into it in a little more depth is yet to be translated (Kotohogushi). But just as I was coming up to tackling this essay, it evolved yet again.
Inevitably with Higurashi regaining mainstream relevance, people have been talking about it--and its reputation. I think we can all see Higurashi is lauded and loved with a consistency few anime ever achieve. Amongst the swathes of people labelling it one of or the the best horror anime they've ever seen, I tried to work out why I still struggle with this label--it is earned, after all (not that it has many contenders at all, but I digress).
Higurashi is a fantastic horror series--but this accolade can mean very different things to different people. I found myself disappointed by the amount of times I saw people I know or know of (yes, other YouTubers) reveal themselves to be among those who consider this label synonymous with the anime's more shocking elements over its genuinely masterful psychological horror and suspense. For a long time, I've been uncomfortable with people calling Higurashi a fantastic horror series because in so many ways, it feels reductionist.
But honestly? Higurashi's horror DOES deserve to be talked about. Most of all, not the horror of a schoolgirl hauling around a bloodied cleaver/hatchet/axe (nata, actually), but the reason she is doing this. Higurashi is a great horror series because it challenges the inaccurate portrayal of some of the most maligned members of society as frightening and dangerous by its companions in the genre, and instead shows us the true horror of their battles against their own minds. Their utterly harrowing and gruelling journey towards acceptance and happiness. The horror of abuse, discrimination, disconnect, disempowerment, isolation, miscommunication--the horror of being a human amongst other humans. This could not be possible without how on the nose Higurashi's portrayals of psychosis, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression--and more--are. Higurashi spoilers end here!
How Higurashi Scares Us is going to be a video about the series' psychology--the actual psychology underpinning its psychological impact on us, with--I hope--insightful wider discussion of its cultural context woven throughout. I'm more than a little nervous typing this because I never truly know if a video is going to work until I'm unreasonably deep into the script--but things very much clicked into place with this one and I think it's a good sign. It's a topic I've covered here and there in my other videos on the series and in the worst case I might end up rehashing points, but there's still a wealth of discussion to be had here, and I'm extremely passionate about shocking some life back into how people talk about this part of Higurashi. Yes, it is a horror series, but it is so much more than skin-deep, and this is also how its largely happy ending becomes meaningful. It's one of those videos that really feels like it could go the distance.
Now for the less fun bit--the nitty gritty of production. As I expect you'll all know if you're here, I'm less than a month out from starting a full-time Master's degree. In the meantime, I've taken on a hefty research assistant role for a member of staff in my department. This is reflective of the coming year. My Master's runs until November 2021, and when I'm not studying, I'm planning to cram my spare time with voluntary work and experience at the least, if not an actual paid job. It's not as bleak for the channel as it sounds--I was managing a video a month or more earlier this year while I finished up my Bachelor's and worked 20+ hours a week between an actual job and high-intensity voluntary role. But as my projects become seemingly evermore ambitious and I put more and more effort into the production side of things, they're taking longer. I don't think this is a bad thing--I think it shows my growth and improvement. I am hoping not every one of my projects turns into this kind of behemoth--I have been known to release an under-25-minute video once in a blue moon! Still, I'm aware of a second issue looming on the horizon, too: burnout.
Up until recently I had not taken a single break from making things since my first upload--I would literally start on the next video the same day. This was mostly out of my love and excitement for making things--especially the writing part--but I finally understand that your natural impulses aren't always the ones to listen to in these situations. I'm always glad when people acknowledge how hard my videos must be to make, simply because I want people to realise that those months between uploads aren't me slacking but rather cramming every hour of free time I can find into the next project around all my other commitments, resulting in some truly ridiculous weeks.
I've started forcing myself to take at least a week off between videos (bearing in mind a week "off" just means putting most of that time towards other kinds of work), but I can't deny these sometimes 100+ hour productions are taking their toll and I find myself dragging my feet that bit more through the audio editing, the video editing and so on. My brain says I'm excited to keep going and want to power through, but logically, I know it is unsustainable. Uni is online for the foreseeable future and I'm looking at months of staring at a computer screen even aside from YouTube as a result. I also need to frankly make sure I don't develop repetitive strain injury.
All of this in mind, my plan is to sink most of the rest of the year into this video--if it's up before December, it means I'm almost definitely ignoring everything I just told you and need telling off. It makes me uncomfortable to leave the channel without an upload for that long, but hopefully people will be understanding. Of course, I will be sure to update you guys on progress before then.
When 2021 inevitably rolls around much faster than any of us are expecting (and by all means, let it), I'll post a more comprehensive overview of what's going to happen on the channel throughout that year. For now, Higurashi Gou is at the forefront of my mind, and I have a further two videos about the series I definitely want to make (a guide to the many side/console arcs and a video about Saikoroshi) in addition to any new ideas that crop up as a result of it, so I'll be looking to get those done before it wraps up airing in Spring. There definitely won't be three back-to-back Higurashi videos, though, even if it means I don't manage that. Whatever the case, I'll have a poll for you guys to vote in for either the video after this or the one following that--probably the former.
If you've actually read this entire brain dump, thank you! I'd say get used to me talking too much, but I think anyone who watches my channel is already. One last note: for anyone in the Β£3 tier and above, your names will be included in the credits of the next video as they're displayed here, so be aware of that if you want to change them at all (or just shoot me a message if you want to be credited differently).
Thank you all so much for being here--money never hurts, especially after the shit show this year has been, but I can honestly say it's the thought that anybody cares about what I make enough to want to pledge that makes all the difference. I really don't know if I'd find it in me to keep doing this if it weren't for knowing people enjoy the things I make, and being able to put names to numbers. In that sense, every one of you genuinely is keeping the heart of this channel beating. Thank you in advance for your patience while I manage all the changes going on in my life. I can't wait to share something really great with you all.
Comments
Bess
In theory π
Demanding as in no time to binge Youtube when you get home? π
Bess
Depends on what you mean by demanding, but yes π
Hey, whatsup! I might be a little late on this, but great post and good luck for your Master's and everything. Isn't forensic psychology pretty demanding?
lambia
u rule
