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Singularity Scrap
🕑 Added 2018-08-31 08:35:31 +0000 UTC Two PM and the break room was in pristine condition. A new record. Chaz and Amy were both having their late lunch at the same time, both with the distinct impression that something disastrous was about to happen. It was more pattern recognition than anything else, if Frank hadn't ruined the break room by ten-thirty, it meant he was working on something big. And Frank working on something big had officially never gone well. The horse and husky were about to get up and leave, just in case that would help.“Good news, everyone!” Frank burst into the room.
“Yeah?” both winced.
“My greatest invention is finally complete!”
“Yeah.”
“I have achieved the singularity!”
“What?!”
“The singularity! The dream of man since robotics were first discovered. Technology that can create new technology faster than we can! The unstoppable march into the future becoming less of a march than a strap into a rocket car!”
“No.” Chaz said. Amy said nothing. “No, we're not doing this. All of your inventions go horribly out of control. You created male enhancement and now your balls are WMDs, also you turned into a cat somehow. You created a diet drug, and now I have 0% bodyfat and periodically catch on fire. You HELPED on a steroid and now Amy can get bigger arms from doing basically anything, including cutting off her arms. Also you introduced it with a reference to a guy whose 'good news' has literally never been good.”
“I know all that. The Farnsworth reference wasn't intentional, that just happens when I say those words.” Frank huffed.
“That actually makes it worse. Seriously though, why would you try to invent the universally agreed upon most likely to go wrong invention in the history of everything?!?”
“The portal that I adapted into all those things never went wrong.”
“Except for the demon who came out of it last week, you mean?”
“No, she was really helpful on this project, I'm calling that a win.”
“The singularity is being made by a sex addicted mad scientist and a demon from beyond time and space. A mad scientist whose field isn't even remotely A.I. Related.”
“Amy helped code.” Frank gestured to the giant dog, who was trying rather in vain to hide behind something.
“The bodybuilder who brags about how sloppy her code is helped code.” Chaz was dangerously close to achieving a new level of deadpan.
“Yep.”
“Okay. As your assistant who you specifically hired for feedback, you absolutely cannot ever turn this thing on.”
“How certain are you?”
“Entirely.”
“...okay, fine, but I retain the right to unleash it somewhere else.”
“Maybe make sure the demon gets her worked double checked before you do.”
Just then, the demon in question showed up. “Hey boss. I got your robot thing working. It's booting up now.”
Charles shouted, already halfway down the hall, “Welp! Enjoy everybody! I'm going to take all our control units through the portal to S398C5U2 and hang out there for a while. Try not to get A.I. Boxxed and call me if the universe doesn't explode!”
There was a distant 'fzzrt', and Amy, Frank, and Rose were left to stay with whatever was about to happen.
“For such a shy guy he sure is a drama queen.” Amy broke the silence.
“He did kind of have a point though.” Frank admitted.
Tentatively, they stepped forward into the robotics lab.
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That's the start of the tale from back when my mascot character was going to be robotic in nature rather than being a sort of 'split the difference' adaptation of the fair folk and the elder gods. I still think the robotic visual design I had in mind could have been helpful, and enjoy the idea of a robot who gives everybody exactly what they want with complete indiscretion; but wanting to vary my settings and styles a bit caused me to abandon it somewhat. The complete lack of seriousness in the tone of the narrative was intentional, but it's still not the kind of thing I usually like, which certainly contributed.
But hey, if you've made it far enough to read this, I would certainly consider anything you request I revisit.
