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Jeff
🕑 Added 2025-01-05 17:23:17 +0000 UTCGood morning! Happy 2025. I hope you guys all had a nice New Year's break. Matt and I rented a big mansion for just the two of us to ring in the new year. It had a pretty nice hot tub and a big screen TV, where we watched Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen do their thing in Times Square. It was way too much house for just the two of us and I think we should've just stayed home. Matt strongly disagrees.
I wanted to take a moment and talk about my friend Jeff who suddenly passed away Friday. That night, Marilyn and I had gone out to a friend's house for a game night. It was really fun. We played this game called Secret Hitler... It was sort of an advanced board game version of Mafia... complicated enough to keep everyone on their toes and pretty soon everyone was at each other's throats: lying, double crossing and scheming... The thought crossed my mind: I wonder if Jeff knows about this game....
The next morning I woke up a little hungover from the wine and saw a text from a friend: "can’t believe it about jeff" - I didn't know what he was talking about - Jeff Goldblum? I had to shake off my sleepiness and get some coffee and get down to my garage as I had these one on one zoom sessions for On Cinema scheduled for 8am ... another text came in from Fred: Jeff Baena???? - oh shit. I googled him knowing what i'd find... Jeff Baena dead... and then another article's headline, the word: Suicide.... 47... My knees buckled.
Minutes later, I was in my zoom session, placing my feelings on hold for a few hours as more texts from friends rolled in.
I'd known Jeff for over 20 years, as he'd been a college friend of my ex-girlfriend and one of the few people I knew when Eric and I moved to LA in 2004. I didn't see much of him but would occasionally run into him and a few times attended his weekly poker nights. but the stress was too much for me, and after not attending his various poker and game nights I stopped getting the email invites.
Sometime around 2008 or so me and some Abso editors started playing this game based on Battlestar Galactic and Jeff joined us for a few games. It was sort of like Mafia I guess - but complicated and usually ended up being a game of dice by the end of it.
Years passed, and in the spring of 2021, I got a text from him out of the blue (during an office hours) I called him later and he casually offered me a part in a movie he was setting up to shoot in Tuscany in the summer with a murderer's row of fun and funny people. A free ride to Italy during the dark days of covid felt like a gift from the heavens. I quickly accepted.
I know I've spoken many times about how impactful that summer was. It was such great fun and at the center of it all was Jeff. He was not only directing the movie, he seemed to be directing our experience in Tuscany with great care, love and concern for our happiness. He was so excited and proud to show us what he loved about the food, the wine and the history of the region.
Naturally, Jeff and I got much closer during that trip, with some nice one on one times, driving up to Cinque Terre and working late hours on set. The time and attention he gave us was all the more remarkable after talking to him months later and leaning how tough the shoot was - many, many problems plagued the production and while he was giving his time to us he was also dealing with so much stress it seemed almost unbelievable.
(jeff at the center of the table where he belongs...)
After the shoot we tried to keep the band together with a text thread and promises to hang more often, but life happens and time passes. I did manage to make a few more game nights, and jeff and I met for a lunch... A few swims at his place in the summer... and finally a big party at his house for Aubrey's birthday this past summer. That night, Jeff and I ended up in his basement where he had set up some instruments and we jammed for a good 30 minutes. I didn't see him again after that, but he was kind enough to send me a nice text after my heart procedure.
Probably just a coincidence that he crossed my mind the day he died, right?
Marilyn, who knew him through me, said "I'm pissed because I won't get to see another movie from him." It's true, I loved his movies too. His best being The Little Hours. It's a great one. I highly recommend it. Our movie, Spin Me Round is fun too! And you can see a little taste of our time together.
All of us who knew Jeff are sad, angry, confused... heartbroken. I didn't know him well enough to have any idea why he'd do something so... violently FINAL. My year of not knowing SHIT rolls on!
Please please please let this be a reminder if you are feeling any suicidal tendencies - DO NOT do it! Did you know you can dial 988 to reach a suicide hotline? i didn't know that until I just googled it. (jeez I hope the cops don't show up at my house because I googled that!)
Can't wait to see you all Thursday!
P&L, T
Comments
Marcus Collar
Tim’s instagram posts are definitely a cheer up! Thank you!
Katy Kirby
I am so saddened to hear about Jeff Baena’s passing. I love his work; “Horse Girl” has to be one of my all-time favorite contemporary movies. The portrayal of the main character going through the first onset of psychosis (with what seems like a schizoaffective disorder) was done with incredible insight and sincerity. A must-see for anyone in the mental healthcare field. But all of his films are so wonderful. I’m with Marilyn; it’s so very painful to have such a unique artistic voice silenced so soon, especially during these times. It’s like getting to the end of an enthralling book and finding that the final chapters are missing and nowhere to be found. You’ll spend the rest of your life thinking about what the ending could have or should have been. My heart breaks for all of his loved ones and collaborators.
Andrew O'Harra
Thank you, Tim ❤️
RevKyleRoberson
Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share this. Your song Bells Are Ringing found me at a time my grief over the death of someone close to me was really heavy. The outro, where they say, “But underground, maybe there's lovе growing; Not a lot, but it’s all we have. And it might just be еnough,” really hit me as I was seeking for the words to describe the love that was now missing. It gave me hope that the little bit of love I could find, underneath it all, might just get me through. I’ve found, in working with hundreds of people moving through grief, that it’s hard to find the words to describe how deeply you feel about the person you’ve lost. You found some profound words in your sharing. Thank you. We, your loyal fanbase, are here to listen, receive, and hold space for whatever you’re moving through. I know you don’t believe in the bullshit concept of God, but I will be holding you, Aubrey, and all those grieving the profound and unexpected loss of Jeff in my prayers.
Russell Harlan
Tim, thank you for that note. Love to all who knew and cared for Jeff.
Alex Steele
Sorry Tim.
Jonathan Olson
I'm really sorry about your friend, Tim. Thinking of everyone who knew him, especially his family and loved ones.
anthony francis
Beautifully said tim and my absolute condolences to everyone. Sometimes the kindest soul takes their leave early. I bow with love, respect, and with deep and absolute acknowledgement my friend. 🙏 😞
tommurtagh
Beautiful sentiment AC so happy you’re here with us ☘️❤️
George Mitri
…when that NYT obit hit my notifications, I thought “Oh, Shit! Gone far too young!”. The details coming out now make it all the more tragic. _Barely_ any time’s passed since I saw you and Jeff chatting over Zoom on OHL, where it ended with Aubrey rolling her eyes at Doug making an off (but funny) joke. That dumb, but quick and warm bonhomie is what drew me to OHL in the first place. RIP Jeff. My deep condolences to you all.
Steve-O
I read the news yesterday thinking how someone who seemed to have it all could do this. I recalled similar people like David Foster Wallace and Anthony Bourdain as well. It just proves that it can happen to anyone regardless of material circumstances or appearances and it is hard to know what is going on below the surface of even those you think you know well. It is a devastating thing to those they leave behind and I am sorry to hear you are among them.
Mary Newman
I'm reading this post as a eulogy as I didn't know much about Jeff Baena. I just heard he died, they didn't say how. Eulogies are wonderful snapshots to fill in for those who don't know someone or value knowing a little more. I loved Spin Me Round. I think I'll watch Horse Girl tonight. Sorry for the loss of your sweet friend. His photos reveal his kindness through his eyes.
brainblob
My love and sympathy Tim
Athena
I'm sorry about Jeff sounds like he was a cool friend it sucks to lose our buddies sending love
Jay Schiavone
Thank you for sharing. It’s very sad, even for me.
Angelo Mike
Sorry for you, his wife, and family. How unjust to lose someone like that. May his memory be preserved.
lilula9
I'm so sorry, Tim. The shock of this can run deep. You opening up on something so personal as your initial grief shows, to me, how sharing both the good and bad with others can help us feel less alone--and hopefully hurt less, be less desperate. Please take care of yourself, and thank you for all that you do.
Peter Fishbeast
Rest in peace Jeff
Marcus Collar
Thank you it’s really great to read something by someone who knew him instead of stale US weekly and weird People magazine posts. He was a human being and very talented. “Stay smart, make art “
Walker
Sorry for your loss Tim.
Devon Bennett
Love you Tim. Love you all.
helldrip
tim, i’m so sorry for your loss. thanks for sharing your memories of him with us. i’m with marilyn— sad we won’t get to see more art from him. hope jeff was able to get some peace.
Skinner
I'm so sorry Tim. Life brings us so many beautiful people, and it's made so deep and heavy when they leave us this way. We wish we could have done ANYTHING to lessen the suffering if only they'd reach out or we had known. It's truly so hard to say good bye this way. All my best to you and your process, I guess what they say is true, you gotta hold em tight when you can. Peace and love.
Keith Whamond
I’m so sorry, Tim. Thank you for sharing this.
Melissa
I'm so sorry Tim. Thinking about you and about all the people surrounding Jeff and Aubrey.
Carol
My heart goes out to you & everyone who knew and loved Jeff. I hope you can all be there for each other & lean on each other as you struggle with the pain of such a terrible loss. Peace and love to you dear Tim.
TJ K
Heartbreaking. Love you Tim!
Melissa
Glad you're here, A C ❤️
Jim D.
☮️💟
Clay N. Ferno
So sorry to hear about this terrible loss. Thinking of you and your friends and Aubrey at this unimaginably difficult time.
Valery Brennan
So sorry for your loss, Tim. The words sound so sterile but what else do you say in such awful circumstances? What a tragedy 🤍
A C
Tim this is incredibly touching. I was thinking of you when I heard. As someone who has struggled with similar, I do recommend the suicide hotlines. Sometimes all you need is to run out time so you don’t feel it anymore. It helps break you out of it and they’re lovely people. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. Be kind to yourself Tim! I wish everyone peace in this time.
Ayah Shehata
Thank you for sharing this, hope you're doing okay x
