Buttopia
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Chapter 78: Welcome to the Arena
🕑 Added 2025-01-08 20:46:30 +0000 UTC“What do you mean?” I asked, suddenly extremely worried.
“We’re out of time. They are sending us now. I’m almost sure they were waiting for me to file for entry and then planned to move it up without letting us know, but, well, don’t actually worry about how I found out. I’ll explain that later. The porter is here, and we just need to leave now,” Pryte said.
“Damn. Alright, let’s go. It’s just me and the squad. We will be back as soon as we can,” Mel said, sounding pissed.
“Mel, how bad is this?” I whispered to the floating cloud man as we left the house.
“Don’t know yet. Hopefully, it’s just the first seven floors they fucked us on,” he whispered back and then said much louder, “Remember what I said about loading up on food.” There was a surprisingly human-looking man waiting for us in my front yard. He didn’t look happy to see us.
“This better be everyone. I’m not waiting for any stragglers,” he said as we got closer. I checked and it did indeed look like we had everyone. I moved Corey into my System storage just to make sure he wasn’t lost on the trip since I had no idea how this worked.
“It’s everyone, and we didn’t make you wait remotely past the cutoff time, and as we are all ready, let’s go already,” Pryte fired back at the porter, still sounding as angry as he had been when he entered the house. The man raised one hand, snapped his fingers, and we were suddenly in a completely different place. The style and architecture reminded me of the spire area I had been in when we first arrived. Was the entire spire just the same?
“Follow me and Pryte, and stay close. Do not agree to anything anyone asks or says unless me or Pryte tell ya to. How long til our match starts?” Mel asked Pryte after yelling at us. All around us were makeshift tables and peoples of all shapes and sizes selling goods. Some had signs offering sponsorship deals, and even more had promises of cash if they agreed to a deal. None of them said just what that deal was. But based on what Mel had already told me, I had a very bad feeling about anyone who signed up for one of those. I imagined it led to a life of what basically amounted to corporate indentured servitude.
“Minutes, we need to move fast. We aren’t getting any prep time at all,” Pryte answered. This didn’t seem remotely fair, though I don’t know why I expected it to. Nothing had been so far.
“Alright, come on, we need to move faster,” Mel yelled as his floating cloud form sped up from its usual slow bob into something closer to my running speed. Everyone chased after him. Nearly a minute of the chase later, Mel stopped fast enough that I almost crashed into him, just barely dodging around him to avoid it.
“The Empire of Dave’s Arena Squad, the More Heads, the Better are ready for their match,” Pryte said from somewhere in front of Mel.
“Man, you barely made it. Head through there,” a voice said, which I assumed was accompanied by pointing in a direction, but as Mel was still blocking my vision, I had no idea which direction.
“Alright, this is it. Pryte and I will be in the waiting room, remember what I told you, and good luck,” Mel said, leading us through a door. The new room was full of tables with food and tons of other places to sit. Several people were in lines grabbing said food. Others were sitting around talking. Some were staring anxiously at monitors in the room that showed ongoing matches squads were performing in. I was about to ask how we got to the Arena when a new voice spoke up.
“The More Heads, the Better. Please follow me,” I looked down and saw a small spider like person as the source of the voice. “In the future, please try to be earlier,” it continued as we followed behind, with Mel doing his odd floating nod as he watched us leave.
“Apologies, Floor Master, we won’t let it happen again. We deeply thank you for being so generous as to make sure we are still getting our spot despite our dilatoriness,” Rabyn said, utterly shocking me at the comment. I didn’t even know what dilatoriness meant. Clearly, he was just trying to be polite, but well, he was an orc and I hadn’t ever expected that level of eloquence out of him. Wait, did that make me racist? I didn’t think so. The orcs had literally beaten it into me that they were overly aggressive. I thought I had earned a little bit of prejudgement, but just in case, I’d try to reserve any judgment on species that matched up with the fantasy races of Earth.
“Ah, Rabyn, have you found a new squad?” the spider asked, turning toward the orc. Was Floor Master the spider’s name or their title? I decided it was best to keep quiet for now unless I had to speak, as it seemed Rabyn had this under control.
“Yes, despite my former faction’s failed invasion of their planet, Dave has been amiable in giving me a new opportunity,” Rabyn answered. I wasn’t sure if I agreed with the description, but I wasn’t about to argue.
“I’m glad to hear that. You were wasted with the Singing Blades. Well, we are here. Please head through that door and it will drop you at your starting locations. Do not attempt to leave the room you start in until the door within swings open. I hope to see you all again for a future floor,” the spider said again as they bid us through the final door. Passing through it was nearly identical to how I arrived at the archive the first time.
One moment, we were in the waiting room; the next, we were in what looked like a kid's bedroom. There was a small bed, and the walls were covered in pictures of cartoon characters I didn’t recognize. The room had a single door and two windows. Did we have to use the door when the match started or could we use make our own exit path?
“I believe we got incredibly lucky that Floor Master was our placement referee. I suspect a veritable fortune has changed hands to stack the deck against us given the situation, and what Pryte informed us of,” Rabyn said.
“I take it that means a bad placement referee could have dumped us anywhere?” I asked. The idea of the door opening revealing a giant hydra and us eaten less than a minute into the match didn’t seem like a pleasant one.
“Yes, I understand I am not in command of this squad, but as I am the only one present to have done this previously, I strongly recommend the moment the door opens that no one leaves the room. We should have enough time for me to prepare a quick dish that will give each of us a boost,” Rabyn said. I looked to Elody, who nodded back at me.
“Alright, we can do that, but after that, we need to start hunting down some recruits. Do you think we are going to get a chance to rest between the floors?” I asked, wondering just how badly we had been screwed here.
“Not much. I assume we’ve been registered in such a way that we will receive minimal breaks in between matches. If that’s true, we should spend what little time there is healing up as quickly as possible and, if time allows, procuring the provisions we need,” Rabyn answered.
The door swung open, cutting off any chance at more discussion. A large cooking pot and several ingredients appeared in front of Rabyn as he went to work preparing a meal. At the same time Elody stuck her head out the open door, looking side to side, likely checking for anyone else. Cecile and Elicec both looked incredibly nervous, which was probably similar to how I looked. They were finally doing the thing they had left their homeworld to do, but the stakes had somehow managed to grow even higher. The twinogs were now stuck in my faction, fighting for the continued freedom of Earth.
“I don’t see or sense anyone,” Elody said, and on the word sense, I realized Corey was still in my storage. I pulled the mallet out into the room. It just floated near me, saying nothing. The smell of Rabyn’s work was deeply enticing. I briefly considered the idea of this being used to kill us all, but that doomed him as well, and Mel seemed confident he wouldn’t betray us in the Arena.
“Good. If we can get outside and take a good look around before any engagement, it will greatly benefit us. Now here, everyone eat this,” Rabyn said as he passed out soup bowls made of bread full of what he had just cooked. His tools of the trade had already disappeared back into his storage. The fact that he had managed to make this in under two minutes was amazing. I poured the contents of the bread bowl into my mouth, the flavors mixed into a nearly perfect harmony of savory and spice as I gulped it down, devouring the bread afterward. A surge of strength passed through me as I ate. My mana pool looked larger than normal, and all my senses seemed somewhat sharper.
“Woah, that was awesome!” Cecile said, more or less echoing my own thoughts on the matter.
“Thank you. Now it’s time for the real fight. If it attacks us, don’t hesitate in your retribution. We are likely stronger than a lot of the squads down here, so as long as we stick together, making it through shouldn’t be much of a problem,” Rabyn said as he led us from the room and opened the front door of the house we were in. Immediately, all the sounds of a chaotic battle hit me: the screams, the roars, every bit of it.
One of the key things to do before starting an Arena match is to make sure you stretch. You don’t want a muscle cramp at the wrong time. Always make sure to get a good night’s rest and have a big meal before the match as well. Keeping your energy up is critical. These rules can be just as useful in climbing the corporate ladder as they can in climbing the Arena.
Twenty Rules For a Better Tomorrow by Paulio
