LTW[R] B2: Chapter 46: Primal Skill and Untalented

Lone Immortus

1. Lol, well, we'll see... I don't want to spoil but things went rather differently in the original than your rainbow plans, haha. 2. Perhaps, though it's more likely the system just doesn't care about having ageing immunity rendered null and void in exchange for a very powerful skill and possible possession. 3. Very strong points. I'll probably touch into this during a brief side-perspective soonish. 4. Done. All fixed bar the 'as its avatar'. It's correct without the 'as', it's like a less formal way to say, or in the case, think it.

Thank you for the chapter! Three of nine collected, six more to go. His eyes and the tip of his tails/ears are going to look like a rainbow any moment now. Maybe then Soph/ie can taste the rainbow even here in Isekai-land. It's pretty fun actually imagining Lone going out to catch 'em all to get those sweet perks they bring. Especially when he can already counter the disadvantages with them. So Avatar of Darkness huh... I feel like Lone more and more lives the dream of edgy teens and chuunibyou alike. You know with him having a (two? Isn't void here also?) clearly evil god sealed in his soul and him going through some rough shit. It's pretty funny actually how the system sees this as a reward, you know having a god (primal) taking over their body as their own. I don't know if this proves that the primals (or other beings like them) had a hand in the making of the system but it this make it seem likely. Because why else would the system not see it as a warning if it even warned in the message of describing his process into being possessed by darkness. Fun to think about. And then we have the Breena situation. She really seems to have both great and terrible luck at the same time (it may even be both for all I know of the consequences created from this). First, she gets possessed by a primal. Then her saviour uses something I believe is extremely valuable to save her but enters into a coma. Finally, her immortality is removed before she even had time to explore it. For wasn't Breena actually a teen? I think so at least. To have it known that you'll only live to be sixty-something when you could have easily become thousands of years old makes it reasonable for her to stress out. She's lucky Lone's with her though. I really doubt there are many beings out there who would continue to support her through this without cost and having her keep the gained powers. Now seemingly to make up for the many times I've simply not found anything, today my eyes have seemingly been blessed to actually find typos. Probably some that I missed but whatever. First, we have a suggestion from me, after the paragraph that ends with Darkness walking away, I would recommend using a scene break here. Would make it feel a little more natural when we start the next one with Lone waking up. Next, we have a paragraph where two sentences in a row start with "I could". Just changing one of them up would fix that. After that, we have a case of an extra " that happened to pop up here: " ""Keep talking like that" ". Then we have the typos. First, it's a missing "as" in "Darkness said it paced back and forth" after "said". Thereafter we have another missing "as" in "So I did end up its avatar" after "up". Absolute lastly we have an "any" that has seemingly become an "and" in "may enter and shadow, dream". That's it for me. Hope you have a good one Lone, peace! (Don't worry about taking your time to respond to my comment on last chapter, you did it in the end and that's what matters (to me at least).)