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SIS B4: Chapter 110: Preparations and Before Crusher

🕑 Added 2021-05-05 21:11:44 +0000 UTC

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Lone Immortus

1. It's very similar, yes, though I have hinted a couple times at Daz's intentions with Zachary. 2. I added a paragraph at the end of the first scene to make it clear that Daz, too, dislikes such speeches. He just does them because it helps the people hearing them. He is also very much so an actions over promises type of man. 3. She was a wrestler and killed a man once, forcing her to leave the wrestling scene. This was touched upon a while ago. After that, she became a bodybuilder. Clearly, between then and the system coming, she was in a car crash leading to her current non-system state. I actually haven't decided what her evolution will be yet but we'll see next chapter. 4. Fixed the so. Los Angeles's is correct since it is a relay belonging to Los Angeles. It's like the difference between saying Sweden people and Sweden's people. c: Fixed that last typo too. 5. Thanks, as per usual, Elvis. :D

Thank you for the chapter! With Daz capturing an enemy but telling the public he died, I can't help but think of when the US secretly took in Nazi scientists. Hopefully, Daz will give the Truthian the justice his earlier species lived around. That was honestly one of the worst times Crusher could have chosen to do her thing. I gonna be completely honest and say that while I did think the whole "New and better type of government" spiel was a little awkward, the conversation overall felt good. Now it isn't like the spiel he did was bad, more likely it's just me who doesn't really like people promising things through long tirades and instead just do whatever they're supposed to do after much fewer words. Probably a combination of that and one of the infamous norms of Sweden that make thinking or acting like you're better than everyone else a serious taboo making things awkward for me. It could just be that I prefer action over talk, who knows. Now that the tirade of myself is over, I beg of you, please let us see their reactions when they get their medicine. Because one of the absolute best things when reading about a responsible or leader!MC is to see the reactions when things actually happen. It's not really a must but it's bloody damn amazing when it does happen. Nice to learn some more about Crushers past. I honestly thought she was a wrestler or something but this is significantly better. Her previous mania to evolve becomes more understandable if remaining stagnant and not being able to evolve probably could make that helpless feeling back. It's obviously not the same but if Crusher does connect the system and her evolution to her freedom it wouldn't surprise me if she got panicked when she couldn't evolve again. At least, now she can. I honestly wonder if she'll get to the top of the evolution rankings with this next one. If I'm not wrong she previously was in the third place, an evolution more added on top of that extremely rare/powerful evolution is probably more of both. Titan, I think her current species is called. Wonder how it will evolve. Maybe following the greek Titans of the Titanomachia where they get domains to govern over, or maybe a more unconventional one like "olympian" because the gods were actually born from titans. Will be nice to find out either way. I actually found some minor grammar flaws today. First, we have one that isn't really an error but more of a suggestion in "I'm so sorry about that" where I would remove the "so" just because it makes it sound much better, I would understand why you wouldn't though. Next, we have "Los Angeles's own relay." where I'm 99% sure that "Los Angeles's" isn't the correct spelling. More likely it's only "Los Angeles own relay" but I'm a little unsure about that one. Lastly, we have "From them, he flew" where "them" probably should be "there". That's all I have for today. Hope you have a good one Lone, peace!


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