PATRIARCH FOWL
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Casual Heroing, Chapter 136-137
🕑 Added 2023-07-04 08:43:50 +0000 UTCNext chapter comes out Friday, July 14th!
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DRAMA UNFOLDS! 💀💀💀
2/2 chapters this week!
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Chapter 136 - Booklets
"The [Prince] begged the [Maid] not to believe his stepmother, for he would never betray her," Lucinda mused while reading the booklet out loud. "But the [Maid] was resolute, thinking that their love would never materialize because of their differences. And so, she asked him to leave for good."
Lucinda shrugged, sighing to herself while she waited for her Mana to recharge. Sadly, once it was gone, you could only eat, rest, and wait for it to come back.
If she had known anything about Earth, she would have found a superlative affinity with powerlifters occupying a rack for two hours only to use it every ten minutes—and what would you have done without a social feed to scroll endlessly?
"I need to buy a new one," Lucinda grumbled as she stared at the booklet. Her eyes went over the weary pages that she had gone through dozens of times. Booklets like this one were relatively cheap, but her salary went toward a fund she would use at the Nine Towers Academy.
She was aging, and she still wasn't ready to show [Archmage] Titus she could be a truly perfect recruit that he should sponsor.
She needed to step up her game, but she couldn't just regenerate Mana out of sheer willpower.
"I might as well re-read this," Lucinda told herself. "Who knows, maybe this time the story will change."
…
"Sure," I tell Flaminia.
She just asked me to go out to talk. She's probably worried about me or something like that.
We walk out of Happy Bakery and go for a stroll through the market. It's much quieter than usual, thankfully.
"Joey, I want to apologize once again for what I—"
"What? Again? Flam, you apologized plenty of times. Why would you do it again?"
"Joey," the pink-haired Elf looked pained, "I don't want to see you get hurt."
"I mean, me neither?" I snorted. "I told you to have some faith in me, though. I have a plan."
"Joey," Flaminia looks at me, biting her lower lip.
"Yes?" I ask awkwardly.
Flaminia is acting a bit off if you ask me.
"My family used to live in Amorium. I had a younger sister too."
Oh, shoot. Were they [Soldiers] who died in war?
Everyone in Amorium had some tragic story to tell, sadly.
"My parents were trying to make their fortune baking in the city. They tried teaching me all they knew—both were around level 10. But my thirteen-year-old sister, two years younger than me, had more levels than me. I loathed baking. I would sneak out on every possible occasion."
Huh?
It doesn't sound like a tragic story so far.
"They were angry—my parents. They thought I was absolutely rotten to the core," Flaminia narrates. "But I didn't care. I was the prettiest girl my age in Amorium. I had every boy trying to climb up a tree for me."
"You are still very beautiful," I tell my co-worker.
Flaminia blushes at that and nods, "Thanks."
That's not the reaction I was expecting.
"Are you ok, Flam? Don’t get me wrong; I want to listen to your story. But you… Is everything good?"
"That you ask, Joey, shows that you truly are a special Human. I've been dealing with rotten idiots all my life. All these menwith a molded brain that, at first, have the enchantment on all the time, and then they run out of Mana like the useless things they are."
My spidey-senses are tingling, and it's not a good thing.
"Flam, whatever happened, I'm happy to lend you an ear," I say cautiously. "Plus, I really have to go talk to the girl I'm dating, you know?"
Flaminia nods distractedly.
"My parents, one day, they just… left. I barely had any money on me. They just… disappeared."
Christ.
I just stay silent, waiting for her to keep talking. There's not much you can say in response to that.
"I thought I would just skip work that morning because I was fed up with making all that bread and not being paid half a copper. I thought, what are they going to do?"
We keep walking through the mostly empty market, taking a clockwise turn that will eventually land us in front of Happy Bakery again.
I want to ask how she survived on her own like that if she didn't have many levels—which, apparently, after having heard so many stories from Raissa, is a big problem.
"I convinced this family to take me in. They had a daughter my age who worked as a [Maid] at their inn. I told them I would immediately find myself a job. I started working in their kitchen. Never in my life had I more regretted not listening to all the things my parents had tried teaching me about baking."
Flaminia grits her teeth.
"But I hated them. I hated them so much that it gave me the drive I had never had in my entire life to that point. It took me less than a month to get to level 10. I would stay up all night, cooking and trying to bake sweets. I begged that family to buy the ingredients for me, promising I would make it worth their time. People loved the sugary treats I made for that inn, and soon, I was getting commissions. I would go to [Merchants] and buy recipes if they had any with all the money I had. I was single-handedly focused on becoming the best rotten [Baker] in the city."
"Well, you did," I cough.
"I did until you came," she actually laughs at that. "I wanted to become the best [Baker] because I thought that my family would come back at some point and beg me to help them, to teach them. I would fantasize about that every night; I would go to sleep with my grudges, dreaming of the day they would come back crawling."
Then, Flaminia grabs my sleeve as we walk and looks intently at me.
"And you know what? They never came back."
I feel my heart drop.
"Flam," I clear my voice, trying to stay calm, "you are a wonderful [Baker] and a wonderful person. Your family missed out on you. Not everyone gets dealt the best hand in life. You did all you could with what you got from such a family."
Flaminia suddenly stops as we are about to finish our lap around the market.
"You are so thoughtful—you care so much. You always know what to say, Joey. You could have destroyed my career in Amorium. Even with all my levels, you could have ruined my life here. Even if I'm not as good as you, any other person would have felt threatened; they would have thought that I would backstab them at the first opportunity after learning all I could from them. But even now, you only have wonderful words for me."
"Flam," I say, putting a hand on her arm and having her slowly release my sleeve. "I don't know if anyone told you, but it's not your fault. We don't choose our families. I'm beyond certain that you will find someone one day and have your own family. We all have to step beyond our parents at some point, either because they died or because they were rotten," I used the Elven idiom to make her more comfortable with my words.
"Joey," Flaminia looks right into my eyes, moving her hand over mine, and, for the first time, I notice that her eyes are a beautiful light green—I mean, I knew, but I never noticed the flecks of gold in them, similar to the ones I have in my eyes. "I have dropped that idiot, the [Sergeant]. I am done messing with idiots with a molded brain."
"Flam," I repeat myself, almost stammering, slightly intimidated by the tremendously beautiful woman, "You will surely find someone much better than that."
"When I treated you like—" Flaminia cuts herself off. "I've always wanted to be the best, Joey. I couldn't accept that someone with no levels was giving me orders and joking about the fact that they were the best in Amorium. After my parents left me, baking was everythingto me."
"I had forgiven you long before I knew about this," I tell her after swallowing. "If anything, this makes me better understand what you went through and why you did that. Don't worry. It's all good."
Flaminia just stares at me, and I hear several alarms ringing in my head.
I can't get involved with this; I find myself suddenly thinking, I have to train, I have to save Claudia.
"Flaminia," I clear my voice, getting her hand off mine and taking a step back. "I forgive you for everything. But now, I should really go."
But what comes next from her mouth stuns me.
"Do you hate me, Joey? Do you find me repulsive?"
"What? Absolutely not, Flam. I really—"
Before I can say another word, Flaminia suddenly steps forward and kisses me.
My brain just freezes for a moment.
What the f—
I immediately pushed her back, but not after her soft lips were anchored on mine, turning me redder than a pepper.
"Flaminia, what the—"
"Joey, I—"
But I don't even hear her words because we had stopped not too far from the Three Roses, and barely twenty feet from us, I see Irene.
"Christ," I say, seeing her suddenly turn her back to me. "Irene! Oh, really? Christ! Irene!"
"Irene?" Flaminia looks at me as I start running to the woman.
"Irene! Fuck my life. Wait!"
I quickly reach Irene, but she barely glances at me.
"I have no business with you, Joey. I didn't know that you and Flaminia—"
"No, what? No, no, no. It's not that. There's nothing between me and her! There's no ‘me and Flaminia.’"
"Joey," Irene sighs and shakes her head. "I was already having doubts."
"What? Jesus, can we talk about this sitting down or something? I really didn't mean to—"
"Wait, Irene?"
I turn to see Flaminia approaching with wide eyes.
"Yes, Flaminia. Congratulations on moving on to someone else close to me."
"Wait, you are the Elf Joey is seeing?" Flaminia looks shocked.
"I know, I know. She's the competition—look, Flaminia, can you leave us alone for a moment?" I turn to Irene. "Irene, it's a misunderstanding. I have never kissed Flaminia before. She kissed me. You know what, Flam, can you tell her?"
But Flaminia doesn't even look like she's listening to me. She just keeps staring at Irene.
Great. What now?
"Does your brother know?" Flaminia asks cautiously.
"My brother doesn't need to know about anything. This is nothing. Joey, I need to go—"
"Wait, wait! I swear to God; I didn't do anything! I wanted to come visit you! Jesus, take out a truth-stone, and it will show I'm not lying!"
But when Irene crosses my gaze, I only see icy coldness.
"Goodbye, Joey."
Chapter 137 - Misunderstood
Warning: I know you all hate Arminius, please bear with me until you see more, and don’t lose your minds after the end of the chapter.
“Goodbye, Joey.”
The words keep ringing in my ears even though Irene and Flaminia left ten minutes ago.
Apparently, Irene is Plinius’s sister; the same [Sergeant] Flaminia had been dating.
I rub my forehead.
What a mix of Shakespeare and Mexican Telenovelas, Jesus.
When has living become so complicated?
What the hell am I going to do with Irene?
She doesn’t believe me.
Do I blame her? I mean, she saw one of the people she must hate the most in this world kiss me. And by the way, Lady Luck, I haven’t forgotten to thank you for your relentless blessings, obviously.
There are more important things to take care of, though.
I feel almost relieved, in a way. I have to take care of the duel and, after that, find a way to…
I swallow.
A way to cure magical cancer.
…
I am walking through the Pratus to reach my house when a giant Elf approaches me.
“Joey.”
“Hey, Stanimal,” I nod at him. “What’s up? All good?”
“No. It’s not all good. I have heard about your duel.”
I look behind the huge man, but I don’t find the usual Godzilla-sized dog at his side.
“Listen, I’ll handle it. Don’t worry about it.”
When my words hit him, though, there’s no smile, there’s no ‘friend,’ and there’s definitely nothing of his usual kindness in his gaze.
“Joey, I can teach you to fight.”
I raise an eyebrow and look around to see if this has suddenly become a comedy show.
“Stanimal, I don’t need it.”
I make to walk past him, but the man grabs my arm with lightning speed.
“You do. The [Corporal] you are going to face is almost level 30, Joey. You have been tricked by a traitor! You have been doing wonderful things for the Elves, Human. You can’t continue if you must leave!”
I feel a spark of anger lighting up in my veins. I slowly look at Stan’s arm and then into his deep eyes.
“Take that hand off first,” I say in a straight voice. When he doesn’t comply, I pry it away myself. “I didn’t say that I wasn’t going to train for this duel. I said I don’t need you to train me.”
Stan seems to be angry now.
“Human, I refused your proposition to get involved with your problems before, but I care about you. Let me teach you how to wield a weapon. I might not be a [Weapon Master], but I still know my way around a blade. You might even say that I’ve had Royal training.”
“Stan, I don’t think you understand what I mean—”
“Human—Joey, I am not pushing my insolence on you, but no one in Amorium is more qualified to teach you than me.”
I actually smile at that, feeling my anger dissipate.
“Stan, again, that’s not what I’m saying. I just don’t want youto be involved with this. You want to help? Start sketching down ideas on how to source the best crops from the Green Stretches or how we can grow them ourselves.”
I put a hand on the extremely tall Elf’s shoulder.
“I like you, my man. You barely wanted to get involved with making money for the homeless people. How is teaching me to wield a weapon any better than that?”
Stan frowns.
“Yes,” I continue. “I know that you are probably a super-mega-secret expert in hiding, Stanimal. I’m not stupid. Even when my brain is not working properly, it’s still very much clear to me. You suck ass at hiding your true self. But that doesn’t change what I’m telling you. I don’t want you to go to war by my side—I want you to help me grow the crops after the war has destroyed them. Think about that. Now, I really have to go. I’ve had enough drama for today, and I have to start my training. Just take a few walks along the Green Stretches, and get me a list of the best people we should hire among the boys here. That’s all I need you to do.”
I see a quick flurry of emotions battling their way between Stan’s wrinkles.
You know, there’s probably something the [Archmage] has done—a skill, I suppose, that he used on me to make me think more clearly. My brain isn’t where it used to be, but it’s close enough to make me see stuff.
To better understand what I’m about to say, just imagine you wanted to bed a big-booty goth girl, alright? God didn’t make all the big-booty goth girls equal. So, if you want to start seeing one on the regular, you have to ask yourself, ‘Why is it that they are a big-booty goth girl?’ The same symptom can emerge from different causes. And so, are they a nice person below all the leather and metal spikes? Many are. But what if they are a narcissist who needs to peacock around and post slutty pictures on the ‘gram?
Every slutty picture your girl posts has a price—nothing in this world is free. And slutty pictures are just one way of signaling, eh? Perhaps, she posts blurred, filtered, artsy pictures to distinguish herself from the mass. Well, that’s just a different way of peacocking.
Every little thing you do has a price, and the price Stan would have to pay to embrace violence is clearly something that would put his soul in debt. Violence, even though I don’t know why, is clearly the narcissistic, big-booty goth girl of Stan’s story.
Helping me with people and going for kindness instead of spite is clearly his big-booty goth girl with a soft heart and a smile capable of lighting up the worst day of your life.
I can tell this much.
As I’m about to leave, he suddenly speaks up, though.
“Joey, there’s something you should probably see…”
…
My eyes and mouth are wide open.
“What the—”
“Arminius conspired with the [Corporal] to trick you into accepting the duel. I have overheard him bragging about it. The [Corporal] wanted you to believe that if you could defeat a couple of his grunts with magic, you would have the upper hand in a duel against him. His rotten plans have sadly worked.”
I am looking at an unconscious Arminius tied to a tree with metal chains. He’s completely bruised from head to toe, his face barely recognizable.
“Stan, did you…” I point at the ex-officer.
Stan shakes his head.
“I have lost my temper with him, but all that you are looking at was done by others. I simply stopped them from killing him.”
“What the—” I slowly walk up to Arminius, and I see all eyes in the homeless camp looking at me. “Jesus,” I mutter to myself as I check out Arminius’s condition from up close and take out a healing potion from my bag.
“Joey?” I hear someone call my name, but I tch and ignore them.
I put the healing potion in Arminius’s mouth after propping his head up and letting some of it trickle down his mouth.
“Yo, drink up,” I say. “Yo!”
He makes a small movement, and I see him swallowing a few times, making me more confident to let more of the potion flow into his mouth at once.
It takes a while for the man to drink the whole thing, with his face so swollen he probably can’t even see me.
When the potion is finished, I just take out another and place it at the bottom of the tree he’s chained to.
“You guys,” I say to the people around me. “Unchain him and give him that potion when he finally wakes up.”
I’m about to leave when I hear Arminius’s guttural voice.
“Worm.”
Here we go.
I ignore the insults that start flying his way and look at the broken smile on the man’s face with a frown.
“Arminius. Spare whatever you want to say. There’s a healing potion down by your feet. Drink it when—”
He looks down and, with the last bit of strength, kicks it away.
Thankfully, the bottle just rolls away instead of shattering into a thousand pieces.
“I don’t need… your charity! Worm!”
“Just force-feed him,” I say to no one in particular after a shrug. “Arminius, have a good one.”
“You will finally be out of Amorium!” Arminius wheezes, laughing madly. “It was all me, you worm! The inn, this! You fell for it!”
This doesn’t feel like the villain gloating at the destruction of the main character at the cost of his own. No, it feels like a desperate man foaming at his mouth, clawing at anything within his grasp—looking for crumbles of the very essence that makes us Human. Well, an Elf, in his case.
I ignore his words; I mute them out as I look at his eyes now that the swelling has subsided, thanks to the potion.
He has been promised something, hasn’t he? What a vile tactic to take a desperate man and offer him something to sell someone else out. I saw the pride in his eyes when we sparred for the second time.
I look at the tree for a second and then lower my eyes to meet Arminius’s, seemingly shutting him up. I take a step forward and approach him.
“I forgive you,” I say and turn back to walk away.
As I walk away, some of the homeless approach me, but the time for talking has expired.
The sky is blue above my head, and a grin spreads across my face.
Yes, I might forgive Arminius, but he’s not the only party involved and definitely the one least at fault.
It’s time for me to step up and show this world who Joey Luciani can really be.
Appius, I’m coming for you. You will regret this.
